pray for Mike

Blog Reminder

2009-05-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder that I'm only updating the one blog now. Also, we're headed back out to Houston for more medical/surgical fun.

>>>>>>>CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS<<<<<<<<<<<<

(The new blog is "mmbeachbum.blogspot.com" fyi)

Thanks so much for your prayers & concerns!

Mike

MEDICAL UPDATE/PRAYER REQUEST 2/3/09

2009-02-03T14:59:00.000-08:00

I have new medical news. In the interest of my sanity, I'll only update the one blog for now.

GO >>>HERE<<< for more news. (Click "here")

THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS!! Please keep 'em coming.

Mike

Next Houston Trip is at hand...

2009-01-29T07:20:00.000-08:00

For more details see >>my other blog<< (click on "my other blog")

Thanks much for caring & for praying!!

Mike

Just a reminder...

2008-12-08T05:09:00.000-08:00

...that I've transferred over to my other blog, mmbeachbum.blogspot.com. (Thus, this is also an invitation!)

Click >>>here<<< to get there.

Be forewarned, though, that I occasionally bloviate there about things in addition to medical things...*grin*.

Thanks for reading, and especially for praying!

I'm still here!

2008-10-15T06:14:00.000-07:00

But now I'm over here.

Come on in! The water's fine!

*grin*

So, here's what I'm thinking...

2008-09-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

...this blog is called "pray for Mike."

Naturally, I'll take all the prayers I can get, even when I don't have my neck in the cancer noose. *smile* (And btw, we all need to be men & women of prayer even when the road is relatively smooth).

However, this site was created to update any interested parties on my medical situation. Now that my medical situation has stabilized a bit (praise God!!) I'm planning to head back over to my "regular" blog for my continued musings/ramblings. It's found here, should you be interested. Come on over & dive in with me; the water's great! *grin*

Before stepping away from here though, I will never ever be able to come close to repaying all of the prayers, encouraging words, acts of service, monetary gifts, and such that have come our way. And that's just the ones that we know about. Only God knows every prayer offered on our behalf. Only He knows the source of the anonymous donations as well as the known donations.

From the very depths of my soul, THANK YOU!! You have made a difference in the life of the Madaris family this year. May God, Who sees in secret, repay you many times over. Be blessed, my friends.

And to a writer...or even a writer wannabe like myself!...there is not a greater feeling than just knowing one's words are being read. Thank you for blessing my heart by reading here. Hope to see you over on the beach! (http://mmbeachbum.blogspot.com)

In His Grip,
Mike

p.s. - I'm not closing this one down; only God knows when medical stuff will arise again. But I'll be found over @ the other site.

p.p.s. - I view you, my friends, as Paul viewed Onesiphorous ("On-e-si-four-us"):

May the Lord grant mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains, but when he arrived in Rome he searched for me earnestly and found me—may the Lord grant him to find mercy from the Lord on that Day!—and you well know all the service he rendered at Ephesus. (2 Timothy 1:16-18)

The Wonder of Theology

2008-09-30T04:27:00.000-07:00

A while back, I wrote about how we "outsource" our theology & theological ponderings to pastors & favorite writers. *raises hand* Guilty! Studying the Word and thinking deeply about what we find there is difficult at times. Oh, sure, the stuff about the amazing love of God is tremendous and sits lightly on our souls. (In fact, one could argue that we spend far too little time & thought pondering God's love for us...but that's another post for another day). But there are parts of the Word...and of a biblical understanding of God & His dealings with us...that are challenging to get our minds around. So, all too often, we consign such things to the "pros"--pastors & favorite writers--and don't really bother. As Chesterton said, "the Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried."

And then the clouds form and storms rise, and we find out just what our theological foundation really is worth, and how much (or little...*clears throat*) we have invested in developing it.

At the risk of embarrassing 2 great ladies, let me illustrate this point by stating that these 2 invested much in understanding God and His Word in the sunshine of their lives. Thus, when the mighty, terrifying storms of sudden widowhood broke, their theological foundation stood and the anchor held (to quote the old Gospel song). Sure, they grieved...they still grieve. They asked questions. They did...they do...all the "normal" things one would expect in that situation. But in the midst of that particular storm that overpowers many, they are standing strong and demonstrating to all of us the great value of nailing down the difficult parts of one's own theology. Thanks, Mom & Stephanie, for challenging the rest of us by your lives to be theologians. Neither of these 2 ladies would say she has all the answers! There are some questions that will have no answer this side of glory. But they have some good answers that have carried them thus far and will--I'm totally confident--lead them home.

So, how's your theology these days? And how's the work on it coming along?

One of the great theologians of our time is Dr. Wayne Grudem. I had the amazing privilege of taking a class from him at Campus Crusade's summer staff training a few years ago. Dr. Grudem has written an amazing work of Systematic Theology. Great, great depth, combined with a devotional feel to it. Highly recommended. Anyway, his wife battled with one of those debilitating illnesses (fibromyalgia, I think) for years. (Aside: he changed jobs because the move would likely improve her health...there's "headship" for you, guys; would you do that? Alter the trajectory of your entire career and move across the country away from your friends & from the familiar just to improve your wife's health? Too convicting; let's move on...) Imagine watching your spouse fight pain and illness for years on end and know there's nothing you can do about it. And yet, there he was, taking time out of his summer to teach a bunch of amateur theologian-wannabes about the doctrines of God. I'll never forget the experience. Oh sure, some of the teaching answered some of my own theological ponderings and gave me much to chew on. But here's the thing...class after class, difficult concept after difficult concept, he would do a few things. Teach with excellence and clarity, but also he would always refer us to the Bible (not just to his own writings about the Bible). And regularly, he would stop after navigating some very deep theological waters in Scripture and say "Isn't that amazing?? I think we need to sing." Right there, on the campus of Colorado State U., we would stand and sing a hymn or a praise song that he put up on the overhead projector. Other times, he would read a passage, shake his head in amazement, and say something like "remarkable! let's pray..." And he would lead us in a time of prayer of thanksgiving that our God has chosen to reveal truth to hammerheads like us (my words there).

And then there's Paul, who wrote more books in the New Testament than anyone. One of Paul's remarkable letters that covers some very tough ground is the book of Romans. Basically, you have 11 chapters of very deep theology, followed by 5 chapters of very practical application. But I want to emphasize the hinge...the connection between deep theology and practical outworking of one's faith. Notice the end of chapter 11, which itself ends 3 chapters of very deep pondering the sovereignty of God. Here's the great Apostle's summary of 11 chapters of incredible theology:

33 "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! " 34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been his counselor?”
35 “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” 36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen"

Catch that? Deep theological pondering brings forth this eruption of praise! Far, far from the oft-stated criticism of in depth study ("well, if we study too much, we'll reduce God to an academic subject and lessen His glory somehow..."), Paul's in depth study results in a combination of deep truth and of amazed praise. It's as if he's so blown away by what he knows and by what he doesn't that his humanity can't contain it, so it spills over into praise. So should our Bible study today...

But then, notice the very next verse. And remember, chapters & verses are later additions. This was a letter written to some folks he longed to visit, and he didn't write in chapters & verses! The next thought Paul has after "who has known the mind of the Lord" and "to him be glory forever" is this:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (12:1-2)

Catch that? The word "therefore"...what's it there for? Paraphrasing, "Therefore, based on these incredible theological truths...because of these deep truths, here's some very practical application..."

I'm convinced that theology always results in practical application, or else it needs further study. And that, to me, is the wonder of theology. Its very usefulness in helping us understanding life & eternity properly...its applicability to the whole of life...its usefulness outside of the Sunday School classroom or church sanctuary. Its great value to those of us who are not professional theologians.

Think of the childlike amazement of Wayne Grudem, who translates from Hebrew & Greek on the fly and can translate into multiple modern translations. Who helped create the English Standard Version of scripture (a really wonderful translation, btw). Who knows all of those big theological words and is up on all of the scholarly debates about what Scripture does (and does not) say. Who has studied and taught theology for decades. And who is still amazed by the wonder of it and is still most interested in its applicability outside of theological circles.

Some concept in the other direction. Think of the bedrock-solid faith of my Mother who has said the lifelong goodbye to three separate husbands. Again, Mom may not have all the jots & tittles of the theological categories filled in such that there are no questions (neither do I, and neither does Wayne Gruden). But her well-studied & -grounded faith is a light to all who enter its circle, and a model for those of us who seek to know how this Christianity thing handles adversity.

And finally, let me assure you that I do not have all of the theological answers to my medical situation. I have prayed, cried, asked the questions, wondered, searched,...and am at complete peace--at least most of the time--about it all. In ways that I'll surely not understand until I "stand in Him, complete" in glory, my illness is absolutely part of the plan of a loving God Who desires to magnify Himself in & through & to all of us. "From Him, and through Him and to Him are all things." (Romans 11:36) I rather doubt that I'm finished asking questions about it, in case you're wondering. And I similarly doubt I'll get decisive answers about it all this side of glory. But, as Job said, "shall I accept good from Him and not accept adversity?"

Celebrate the wonder of theology with me, won't you? For in so doing, we will be drawn ever closer to Him Who is properly both its object and the grantor of wisdom about the subject. And when that happens, we will erupt in praise with Paul.

God, forgive me for pushing Your Word and Your ways into a nice, tidy corner and leaving them there most of the time totally untouched. Grant that I would delve deeply into You at all times and not just when my way is obscured by clouds. Forgive us all for outsourcing things theological to our pastors or favorite authors. Help us say with Paul, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Father, may our very beings erupt in this same sort of praise and wonder and adoration regularly as we ponder daily anew Your work and Your Person. And finally, Lord, show us practical applications as we gain understanding of Your Word and Your ways. Amen.

With awe, wonder, and thanksgiving,
Mike

For PawPaw

2008-09-28T19:36:00.001-07:00

That was a sign worn by a lady at yesterday's HeartWalk on the USM campus. (Aside: yes indeed...I made it all 3 miles with no worries at all! Now back to the sign and the Heartwalk...)

There were these signs I discovered too late, on which one could complete this sentence: "I'm walking for _____" Got me thinking of why I was walking. Multiple reasons...

1. For the W.C.U. Society for the Advancement of Management ("SAM").
This is our student group in the School of Business on campus, and I'm a co-sponsor. So perhaps that was it.

2. For the individual students I told to participate.
Hypocrisy-avoidance, I s'pose.

3. For myself.
Actually a pretty huge reason! As I told several people, walking 3 miles in May, 08 would've been no biggie; In Sept. 08 after my Summer-from-Hades, big deal! So I wanted to prove that I could actually do it.

4. For Dad.
Who died of a heart attack at the age of 47, which is 2 years younger than I am now. (I was 15 when he entered eternity).

5. For Charlie & Mattie Madaris and John & Martha Benton.
My grandparents, each of whom had heart-related issues. Charlie died when I was one, so I don't really remember him. But I definitely remember Mattie, John, & Martha. They all impacted my life significantly in various ways.

6. For Drew.
My cousin, who has devoted his life to being an outstanding cardiologist and helping his patients live longer, fuller lives. I am one of his patients, as are my wife's parents. John & Martha Benton were his grandparents too.

7. For generations of children, both living and not yet here.
These are the ones who, by the grace of God, will not have to say "But I wasn't ready! God, Why??" when their loved one dies from a preventable, treatable heart issue.

8. For the countless Drs., nurses, researchers, and others working to eradicate heart disease.
May their tribe increase, and may the fruits of their labors be great and immediate!

The walk itself was glorious. A couple of my students and a couple of WCU staff walked with me, so the fellowship was great. I also saw a few friends and one former student. The weather was tremendous. Sunny & cool. Basically, it was a very fun way to be part of helping contribute to something huge.

Have you ever imagined a world with no heart illness? I have for years now. I started imagining it when John Benton died from heart illness. Papa was very much loved by us grandkids, and he very much loved us too. At age 9, I began to realize how insidious heart illness is. Then at age 15, the imaginations were re-kindled with great pain. Then a few years later when my grandmothers died when I was in college.

So, Lord willing, I'll be part of the HeartWalk for years to come. For Dad. And Mom the young widow. And Papa. And Granny. And Grandpa. And Grandma. And Jamie, Jerry, James, Anne, and Millie, grandkids who'll not meet their grandpa this side of glory. And all of the others.

And also for myself.

Mike

p.s. - See you @ the gym & on the road & on the bike trail in the next days/weeks/months/years! For the sake of my heart. And yours.

So, yesterday was an easy day of sermons...

2008-09-22T04:59:00.001-07:00

...the morning one was about Jesus' words in Matt. 6 on giving, and the evening one was from 2 Timothy 1-2 on multiplying discipleship.

Nothing challenging there at all. Easy stuff that all believers do to the fullest, right? Right??

*sighs*

I needed to hear both messages. 2 Timothy has long been a favorite book; Paul's last letter, written to his young apprentice/disciple Timothy. 1 Timothy is Paul saying "so here's how this church thing ought to work" and 2 Timothy is Paul saying "and here's how this Christian life & discipleship thing ought to work."

And of course, Matt. 6 is in the midst of the greatest sermon ever preached. All of the "you have heard/but I say" passages are awesome. And let not anyone slide into the popular thinking that the sermon on the mount was all & only "judge not & you will not be judged." As the guy who discipled me says, "there's a lot of meat in that potato..."

Neither let anyone slide into the popular thinking of "well, Jesus cancelled the law so we can do or not do whatever we want and He'll still love & accept us." Go read Matt. 5-7; you'll not find that thinking in the red letters. Tony quoted C.S. Lewis (paraphrased here): If you enjoy the sermon on the mount, there's something wrong with you!

But in both messages, Tony did his usual blend of encouraging and raising the bar. Funny how preaching the Word does both of those, isn't it?

Anyway, please join me in praying for the Church to rediscover the joys of giving and of disciplemaking. (capital C in "Church," meaning my church, your church, the entire Body of Christ corporately)

Mike

p.s. - It was great to be in actual attendance at the deacons' meeting yesterday afternoon! Been way too long...

p.p.s. - “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:19-21)

p.p.p.s. - "You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (2 Tim. 2:1-2)

Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith...

2008-09-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

“Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:7-8

I love this passage. I find it challenging. Haunting. Convicting. That’s because I know so very few leaders for whom the “outcome of their way of life” is worth considering, and whose faith is worthy of imitation.

As of this morning at 2:15 a.m., there’s even one fewer. A long-time friend of my parents’ and of my brother’s and mine entered eternity after a battle with a particularly nasty form of cancer. William D. (“Dewey”) Huddleston’s faith became sight this morning.

And our world…my world…my Mom’s world…and the Body of Christ in general are all the worse for it.

I’ve literally known Mr. Huddleston for as long as I can remember. He was an educator and administrator, and his wife taught with my Mom. His daughter Kathy is just older than my brother, and his daughter Vicky and I are the same age. We went to school together from 2nd grade through high school. Our families have camped together many times.

Mr. Huddleston was an outstanding role model. He has been a leader in multiple ways for most of my life. Excellent husband, loving father, doting grandfather (in the best sense of that phrase), great friend, good thinker (he got a very advanced graduate degree long after most would’ve given up on pursuing such a thing), servant of many, superb deacon, outstanding Christian.

But his impact on me in particular will always be incalculable. Let me try to capture just a bit of that impact.

When my Dad died suddenly, Mr. Huddleston took care of countless yucky matters for my Mom. A 41-year-old widow with 2 clueless high school sons needs men to be around and to be part of helping around the house and with the boys. Mr. Huddleston was one of the main ones I remember.

Relatedly, an insecure 15-year-old whose beloved Dad dies unexpectedly needs mentors and role models. I learned much about being a man, and a Christian, and a husband, and a father from watching and from talking with Mr. Huddleston. I’d love to say the lessons “took” immediately, but that’s not the case with me. But I’ve thought back to Mr. Huddleston’s example often as I’ve grown up/older & have tried to become a godly man. Even asked him some questions along the way, and cherish the wisdom I gained in return.

Despite the many screwups of mine through the years, I was never cast aside by Mr. Huddleston. I was ashamed to be around him at times, for darkness doesn’t like light too much; it’s way too convicting. But he was always a welcoming, calming presence, showing me time and again what genuine grace-filled love looks like. Truth was spoken, to be sure, but never in condemnation. Always undergirded with love. Since I’ve heard of his homegoing this morning, I’ve been remembering how at the gatherings of family friends back home, I always enjoyed getting to chat with Mr. H. We’d talk about family, and about church, and about parenting, and about education, and even about college football! (He was an FSU fan, which is one reason that to this day I can’t really cheer against FSU).

And when I had a success here & there, Mr. Huddleston was there too. Always encouraging and loving. Always interested and asking me about life and school and Lisa and the kids.

Many people talk a good game about being interested in and concerned for others. Mr. Huddleston lived it. And I will always be grateful.

I hate that his last days were pain-filled. But oh my…what an abundant entrance into the glorious presence of our Lord Mr. H. surely experienced this morning! And the pain? Not for him any more forever! For that, I rejoice. The applause of heaven as Max Lucado says? If you heard thunder this morning, that was likely it.

I also hate that I cannot be there this weekend to celebrate his life and to hug his much-beloved wife and daughters and grandkids. He would be embarrassed at all the fuss. Even at this attempt at a tribute. That’s how he was. But without a doubt, his is a life worth celebrating on earth as it surely is celebrated in heaven!

So as of this morning, even my beloved Ft. Walton Beach will feel that much less like home and that much more lonely and distant. There will be a huge gap there that cannot ever be replaced. Dewey Huddleston leaves quite a wake of influence behind. I am so very grateful to have been impacted by that wake for all these years.

I suppose the pain of these goodbyes is a good thing, for it makes us long for the coming permanent, ever-lasting hello. Lewis said (paraphrase alert) that if we find in ourselves a longing that cannot be satisfied in this world, that is because we were made for another world.

Longer ago than that, here’s what John said:
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away.... And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ And he said to me, ‘It is done!’” (Rev. 21:1-7)

Thanks for everything, Mr. Huddleston. You made a difference, which is what we are all supposed to do. Thanks for the demonstration of what that looks like. I’m glad you no longer hurt, my friend and mentor. See you on the other side!

With much love and thanksgiving for a life well-lived to the glory of God,
Mike

p.s. – Would you join me in praying for Neva, Kathy & her husband Bruce, and Vicky? And for their 3 grandkids, Brent, Howard, and Marlowe?

p.p.s. – Would you also join me in asking God to raise up men of significance who matter forever in the lives of others? We seem to be growing ever short in that department…

Lessons of the Scars

2008-09-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

We all (probably) have some. Those of us who were stupid young boys (wish there were a more delicate way to phrase that…) have a number. I have scars from just the typical male growing up…skinned knees, oyster-shell cuts (pretty much required when you grow up in/on the Choctawhatchee Bay as I did), bike-wreck reminders, etc. Then there are the ones inflicted intentionally by medical personnel: vaccinations, moles removed, etc.

And then there are those caused by…let’s say “should’ve-known-better-what-were-you-thinking?-stupidity.” This variety of scars shows up predominantly in males. I’ve got one of those, for example, caused by falling out of the back of a jeep rolling along at a pretty good clip…on asphalt…in Jacksonville, FL. (Let’s file the surrounding circumstances under “their sins I will remember no more” and move on, please…*sad sigh*). I have another of those from a burst of the aforementioned stupidity combined with athletic machismo. (I had very little game, but a lot of attitude…) I cut my heel fairly badly while in college. That happens sometimes. What doesn’t usually follow is this: against the better judgment and advice of my girlfriend (who is now my wife), I played an entire softball game instead of heading to the Dr. to get a couple of stitches. (I still remember the sensation of pulling off my cleat and discovering that the wet sensation I had been feeling out in rt. field was not the evening dew, but rather…well, blood., and that I'd need a new pair of cleats for the next game...) Then there’s the fact that I can fairly accurately predict when it’s going to rain because of multiple football games played…tackle, no pads…even in college when we might have known better.

There are other scars that are providentially placed without any overt male stupidity. Life happens under the hand of a mighty, sovereign God, and sometimes scars result.

And then there are the invisible scars. It seems that these are the most painful kind, and the ones that take the longest to heal. Some of these come from family situations, which is tragic. Others come from school situations. Still others from relationships. Frequently, these scars are the result of feeling left out. At times, that particular feeling is more apparent than real; we’ve not really been left after all…but at other times, the leaving is real. And irreversible. I still bear deep scars dating back to December 14, 1974. On that day, my Dad who was/is one of the greatest men I’ve ever known or known of, died suddenly of a heart attack when he was two years younger than I am now, and when I was a fairly insecure 15-year-old. I still don’t know why that happened (oh sure, medically, I know, but in terms of cosmic providence, I do not. And will not, this side of glory.) But here’s the thing about that particular scar—and I believe this applies to other similar scars. Though I don’t know and won’t know why, I eventually realized that my not knowing is OK. After a multi-year season of me protesting and whining and griping and leaving (or trying to, anyway), my God gently and graciously drew me back to truths about Him that I knew and had forgotten. When I cry “Why?? I don’t understand!” my Lord replies “I know…and you won’t understand…but trust Me!” (note: this would have been very little help to me had I been reminded of God’s grace-filled, loving providence on December 15, 1974…come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I was reminded by others, but didn’t care to hear it at that time…) I had some of these same thoughts when my buddy Jason entered glory this summer as a young man…and as another of the great men that I’ve known.

I was thinking of this while putting on a shirt the other day after Lisa doctored one of my most recent surgical scars. I remarked to her, “I look like I lost a knife fight!” (Rest easy; absolutely no pictures of this will be forthcoming here. You’re welcome! *grin*)

Think of the lessons of the scars. Whatever kind of scar.

“That hurt! Don’t do it again!”
After about my 8th sprained ankle, I finally figured out that playing tackle football without pads is not the best plan. And after about the 73rd bike crash, I discovered that slowing down just a bit and not wrecking the bike left me feeling much better than almost making the curve feels. This one also applies to some of the invisible scars. Being stupid with our heart & love hurts! Eventually most of us learn to be a bit more circumspect and to guard our hearts a bit more closely. Because of the scars.

“Remember this; you’re healthier because of it”
Applies to vaccine scars & to some other minor surgery scars. And to some of the relational scars too.

“Let this scar remind you of God’s grace toward you and of the brevity of life”
I have 10 scars related to a particularly scary sort of cancer. Which I am apparently free from now. Dr. Nagen Bellare & his team are awesome! Dr. Pecunia & his surgical team are great! Dr. Steven Conerly & the dermatology group are outstanding! At M.D. Anderson, Dr. Homsi, Dr. Kim, Dr. Hwu (both of them), & Dr. Mehran are wonderful, as are Fe, Meritas, and Jessie the nurse practitioners that I’ve spent some quality time with. M.D. Anderson is a place filled with amazing health care professionals, all dedicated to eradicating cancer. (I love that the phrase “eradicating cancer” appears in their mission statement, and that they really buy into that particular mission. Have you ever prayed for cancer researchers as they go about their work in the lab? I’m newly-mindful of that particular prayer concern) But as marvelous as all of those people are, and as skilled as they are at what they do—and they are very highly skilled!—I am here now because my Lord, the Great Physician, chose to use those people and others as tools in His mighty hands of earthly healing. Note: Dr. Bellare, my local oncologist, told us exactly that at our first appointment with him in 2005. He has repeated it to me in subsequent appointments.

So I rejoice in my 10 cancer-surgery scars, for they remind me to celebrate life and healing and health and skilled medical professionals, all of whom do their thing under the guiding hand of a loving God. Sure, I remember the pain of the surgeries—especially just now as I was re-booting my treadmill & weightlifting program!—but I hope the lessons of the scars always remind me that the pain was temporary and healing in its nature. Even the pain of losing my Dad...although "losing" is probably not the right word, for we know where he is, hallelujah! I pray that I always look past the scars to the One Who providentially ordered that they be necessary. I hope I never forget how utterly dependent I was while laid out in surgery recovery and in IL-2 ICU waiting. And that now that those are past, I am still just as utterly dependent on my God. As are you, by the way. I pray the scars always remind me “to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Finally, I pray that they will always remind me, as the late, great Keith Green said, "life is short; eternity is long..."

What do your scars teach you? Are you listening to their lessons?

I Remember...

2008-09-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

…the phone call from a friend: “are you watching the news this morning? No? Well, turn the news on…apparently an airliner has crashed into the World Trade Center…”

…watching the smoke billow…

…watching live as the 2nd plane hit the other tower…

…the rainstorm of papers.

…the collapse of the 2 towers.

…seeing President Bush blanch when he was told of the incident while sitting in a classroom in FL

…the police and firefighters heading toward what all others were desperately trying to escape.

…wondering in a bit of panic where my brother, the United Airlines pilot, was.

…being overwhelmed with joy when I got through to him at his home in CA.(Turns out, he was actually supposed to fly out of Boston that day as did two of the ill-fated planes. *shudders* But he was not scheduled for one of those particular flights. The plane he was to be on had to land at an abandoned airbase in AZ after the order was given to clear all U.S. airspace.)

…the surreal thought of U.S. combat pilots having orders to shoot down any plane flying.

…thinking that the world had surely and irrevocably changed for the worse, and regretting that for my children.

…thinking very deeply about what I believe about the nature of God and man and faith and Christianity and Islam. And having my convictions deepened by the experience.

…the all-too-few days afterward in which we Americans were united & on the same page. Sort of like now…only about 180 degrees different. *sigh*

…the stories and pictures that continued to come out.

…the amazing relief when hearing that tens of thousands got out of the two towers.

…the crushing grief that was felt by the families & friends of the nearly 3,000 who didn’t get out. (I can only imagine the grief, actually. I’ve lost close loved ones, but never to a nasty terrorist attack…)

…the odd sense of triumph in the midst of tragedy as I heard what happened on United Flight 93 when passengers fought back, ultimately crashing the plane in a field in PA rather than on the White House or the Capitol.

…the creepy sensation when I was outside a couple of weeks later and heard/saw the first plane fly overhead since 9/11/01.

…“Freedom was attacked this morning by a faceless coward…”

…feeling very deeply that we should never forget, just as my parents’ generation have never forgotten events of Dec. 7, 1941. I actually did recall Japanese Gen’l Yamamoto’s words just after the Pearl Harbor attack: “I fear all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve…”

May Yamamoto’s words be prophetic here, 7 years later, just as they were in 1941.

Take a few minutes & listen to this. I landed on it while radio station surfing on the way to work yesterday morning. (note: I’m not a huge talk radio listener…I find that my blood pressure and my general thoughts about my fellow humans & our political leaders are better when I stay away from that particular media outlet)

But this one took me all the way back to 9/11/01 and the accompanying emotions. It took me a minute to re-compose after this montage of sounds from that day. Particularly the air traffic controllers desperately trying to contact the hijacked planes. And the phone call from inside the WTC. And the firemen trying to contact other teams on the walkie-talkies. Well, just give a listen.

(Note: it has some Glen Beck commentary, plus a blurb from Keith Olberman griping about the RNC showing footage from 9/11/01. Keith's a moron imo; Glen's OK I guess. But what I really want you to listen to starts at the 9:27 mark if you want to fast forward. Might want to grab a hankie first...) You'll hear one of the hijackers speaking over the radio, followed by air traffic controllers trying get back in touch. Followed by a collection of sounds from that day. From 9:27 to the end is about 7 minutes worth of an emotional journey. I'd say, "enjoy," but you won't.

http://tinyurl.com/547a25

Pictures at an Exhibition

2008-09-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

(The "exhibition" is titled, "Mike here are some ways you know you're getting old...")

My last group of guys that I coached on the football field are juniors now. Playing varsity football. And contributing.

My last group of ladies that I helped with in basketball are seniors. (Well, thankfully, there's one junior who played varsity in 9th grade...so I have one more year of connection with the program. Thanks, Katie! *smile*)

My daughter is a senior in HS. That's all I have to say about that. (actually, I have much to say about that...but not just yet)

My son turned 20 this past summer, and is in year one of a four-year professional school. (Pharmacy, as my regular reader knows...)

My nephew graduates from U of FL in the next year. Engineering. A 5-year program there.

My other nephew will sit for his 100-ton boat captain's license exam soon. He already has the 50-ton license, which would allow him to captain any charter fishing boat.

I have taught 2 different students/friends in both high school and college.

Children of guys who played football in my college days are now playing. And worse, some of them have finished playing and are now coaching.

Folks I taught back in my youth Sunday School teaching days are...a) married, b) with kids, c) long since finished with college and grad school, d) making nice livings, e) pastoring churches, f) missionaries in difficult foreign countries, g) lawyers & Drs. & nurses & teachers & such.

My hair and my beard are taking on different hues all by themselves. Others pay righteous bucks for this; not me, baby. Nature's all it takes to look this good (or something...)

I have 10 different surgical scars that are cancer related. (4 from 3 years ago, & 6 from this summer)

I have personally had the following "old people" medical procedures...all in 2008! CT scan of chest/abdomen/pelvis (multiple times)...Brain MRI (twice)...needle biopsy of lung (twice)...upper & lower GI series...cholesterol & liver screen (bloodwork...multiple times)...high-dose IL-2 (2 cycles)...lung function test...dobutamine echocardiogram...video-assisted thoracic surgery (twice)...worn oxygen in a hospital bed out of necessity (a few times during IL-2)...had a PICC line installed to run IV from upper arm directly to my heart(twice)...been rolled out of hospital or clinic in a wheelchair (multiple times)...worn a Holter heart monitor for 24 hours...CT-A and MR-A (whatever those are...a variant of CT & MRI)...P.E.T. scan (multiple times)...had to blow on the dadburn incentive spirometer a zillion times to help restore lung function & tissue...chest x-ray (multiple times)...plus, I know exactly how the parking passes @ M.D. Anderson work, and can find my way around that massive facility pretty well (I'm less good at navigating the hospital part; I blame anesthesia + IL-2 for that...)

I know people who retired when they were my age. (In case you're wondering, let's just say that "retirement" won't be happening any time soon @ Casa Madaris...*sigh*)

The phrase "empty nesters" will be accurate for Lisa & me in about 11 months. Which brings 2 reactions: (a) how in the world can Lisa & I be on the cusp of an empty nest, for crying out loud?? (b) while she is my best friend and we dearly enjoy each other's company, we're not particularly looking forward to both of our babies living somewhere else...*huge sigh*

Both of my children will vote in the upcoming presidential election.

My HS class had our 30th class reunion...in the Fall of 2007!!!

I graduated from high school the year my new pastor was born. (Just thought of that one...now I'm really bummed...*grin*)

I've lived in the house we're in now much longer than I've ever lived in any other house in my lifetime.

Amidst all the hullabaloo over Sen. Obama misstating the number of states in the USA, I was reminded that when I was born, there were only 48! (hey, don't laugh...one day your kids/grandkids will be amazed that Puerto & American Samoa were once merely "territories" & not part of the USA...)

I occasionally get up early in the morning (4-430 a.m.) and come lie on the floor because my back is sore. Of course, I partly blame our mattress for this.

A guy that was an undergrad student at Alabama after I left & took my first job in Indiana is now Dean of the School of Business @ USM.

I'm so old that I remember watching USM's football team before Brett Favre showed up. And I definitely remember watching the Green Bay Packers before he got there...I am a lifelong fan, going back to the Bart Starr/Jim Taylor/Paul Hornung/Ray Nitschke/Vince Lombardi - era Packers. (Aside: Thus, this oft-stated sentence in H'burg totally doesn't compute with me: "I was a die-hard Packer fan, but then Brett left, so I'm tossing all my Packer stuff..." In case you're wondering, that is not a die-hard Packer fan.)

I remember Super Bowl I. My Roman numeral knowledge ends about about XX, so I haven't the vaguest clue what Super Bowl will be played in 2009, but I remember the first one.

(I'm sure there are others; that's the only ones I can think of right at the moment...I'd ask for other suggestions from you, but I'm already too dadburn depressed now...*grin*) Seriously, a summer like the one I've had causes one to ponder much on the passage of time and brevity of life. The late great Keith Green said it best: "life is short; eternity is long."

Know that I plan on enjoying the time I have left--however much that may be--even more than I've enjoyed these first 4(garbled) years. This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Want to help? Let's eat, and drink coffee, and watch football, and go hunting, and worship, and hang out, and go on mission trips, and fish, and listen to live jazz, and talk of life, love, and other mysteries. You in?

Some pix of interest

2008-09-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

(well, they're of interest to me, anyway...*smile*) Here are a few pix from the White Coat ceremony @ the school of pharmacy that I wrote of earlier. Also, a few gen'l family pix, plus a few others. Note: while this post is large because of the pictures, I didn't write very much. I promise! ;~{)} (<==that's me winking...)

The setting for the festivities inside the Ford Center. (taken by good friend Debbie Kennedy whose niece is in James' class; Debbie & her sister were closer to the stage than we were) This is the same facility that will host the presidential debate shortly. Don't ask me whether the presidential debate or the white coat ceremony is the more significant; I'm quite sure my answer would offend your political sensibilities...*smile*

The students file in. Note the handsome fellow second in line on this row that's entering.The festivities begin. L-R - 1 - Dr. Sparky Reardon, Dean of Students @ UM & keynote speaker for the evening; 2 - President of the Pharmacy Student Association--he's from Petal & is a P4, meaning in his second year of the program; 3 - A Pharmacy professor; she directs the labs for the Oxford part of the program; 4 - Dean of the Pharmacy School (the 2 ladies behind #3 & #4 are some of the administrative assistants in the Pharmacy School; 5 - a regional director w/ Kroger's Pharmacy division.

Signing the code of ethics/conduct for the Pharmacy program. Each student did this just prior to getting their white coat. L-R: 1 - the guy from Kroger; 2 - a classmate; 3 - my favorite future pharmacist; 4 - another professor from the Pharmacy program; this one directs the dreaded/vaunted P5 year of clinicals in Jackson. They're signing the large copies of the statement they just read. One will be on the wall inside the School of Pharmacy in Oxford, and the other on the wall in Jackson where they'll have their clinicals during the P5 year.That's James just after having his white coat put on him by the Dean of the School of Pharmacy. The books they're handing are the history of pharmacy education in Mississippi since James' is the 100th class admitted for study. I'm guessing things have changed just a smidge from 1908 until now...My favorite future pharmacist returns to his seat with his white coat proudly in place.

Coming soon, to a pharmacy/hospital/research facility near you...L-R: 1 - Friend Thomas from Batesville, whose Mom feeds this crowd on occasion since they live relatively close by. 2 - my favorite future pharmacist. 3. Roommate Lamar from Huntsville, AL; both of his folks are Ole Miss grads. 4. Roommate Kevin from Pelahatchie, MS. One always prays for the Lord to grant friends to one's kids that will help take them in the direction a parent wishes, academically, socially, and spiritually. You're looking at part of the answer(s) to that prayer.

The young apprentices with their Jedi Master & Teacher...*grin* (in the middle) legendary pharmacy educator Dr. Marvin Wilson, Assoc. Dean of the Pharmacy School. His intro at the White coat ceremony brought a thunderous ovation; he basically keeps all of the students straight & manages the academic side of the program. He is awesome!The 3 amigos, er, roommates.

"James Madaris, University of Mississippi, Pharmacy Student"

And with his Dad. Uncanny how our ties knots are carbon copies, isn't it? We both prefer t-shirts & shorts; thus, our ties will frequently be a tad off-center. And his Mom. The awesome "Tree House" of friends Jim & Dorothy Crockett out in the country near Oxford. They let Lisa & me spend the night there for white coat time. One of the great, calming,
"chill-out" retreat locations anywhere!
Inside Jim & Dorothy's place.
And again. Doesn't it just scream "y'all come sit a spell & stay awhile...and don't worry about anything!"?

Here's where James, Kevin, & Lamar live. (And Beau the killer dog too!)

My favorite brother and me. (note: I only have the one...*smile*) Jim has stepped up very large this summer in our bend in the road. Ya gotta love his shirt: "I'm Retired...(U.S. Navy logo)...Do It Yourself". Mine was purchased near his home: "Slapout, Alabama...Where You Oughta Be" This is at our house just before he headed east after our shared journey to Houston.Jim & me at his place on Lake Jordan in the suburbs of Slapout and/or Holtville, AL. James & Anne share a tube ride on Lake Jordan behind Jim's place. Lake Jordan is gorgeous & still somewhat undiscovered. If you wish, I can talk to you about an excellent lakefront condo deal there. (Jim's doing the condos...and I'm serious here, btw)My babies. All 4 of them. *grin* This is shortly before James headed back up to Oxford for school. He's holding Beau as a baby; Anne's holding our dog, Sam. Beau views Sam as a really large & cool chew toy. Sam is not completely thrilled with this view.My babies with their Mom.

And with their Dad.Again. Note carefully that Sugar--our neighbor's dog--has come to visit. Sugar is a cutie. She looks like she got up under a pickup truck that was leaking oil real badly. In fact, that's her regular coloring. When Sugar is running or walking, she has about a half-inch of clearance before her chest drags on the ground. Very amusing to watch her run; and rather confusing to Sam...
My girls. Aren't they gorgeous??
Me & my favorite HS senior. Those of you with little bitty kidlings at the house, make sure to enjoy each stage of the journey, for verily, it goes by oh-so-fast...*heavy sigh*
The HS senior with flash directly in her face.
A Boy and his dangerous, killer dog (shhh...Beau the dog [short for "Beauregard"] doesn't know he's a squirt!...*grin*). Beau is a miniature pinscher. Regrettably, as already noted, he (Beau) sometimes doesn't think he's a "miniature" anything...thinks he's a big tough guy. He's a cute as he can be, with a great little sassy personality. BTW, Beau is about as big as he's going to get. He might've added another pound or so, but he'll always look like "Honey, I shrunk the dog..."

Beau as a baby. When James first bought him, Beau would fit completely in his hand.As I say, Beau thinks he's a tough guy. I think he was barking at one of our cats here. Pretty scary & intimidating, huh? *smile*All played out; he had been all ferocious with Sam's chew toy until he just had to go to sleep. So he did, right where he was. If you ever (God forbid!) find yourself recovering from high-dose IL-2 Immunotherapy you'll need long naps multiple times a day. Get yourself one of these (the dog...not the chew toy); they are great nap-helpers, as shown in this picture. Beau & I took many a nap in my 2 recovery season from IL-2.

Me & my girls at our house just after my most recent journey to Houston.

One of my all-time favorite pics of James. We were up there for a quick day-trip visit that included visiting with the head football coach (see below). As we were walking by, we noticed that (a) Vaught-Hemingway stadium was open, and (b) nobody was watching the gate. So, naturally, in the interest of academic research, *clears throat* we were compelled to walk onto the field & take a few pictures. Something about forgiveness v. permission...*grin*

Standing in the end zone, near where James & other students encourage the Rebs on home game Saturdays, and...*searches*..."discourage" (yeah, that's a good & kind word...) the visiting team's players at the same time.

Rebel football player Chuckie Mullins was severely injured in the late 80s while making a tackle for the Rebs and never walked again. He lived several more years and was a huge inspiration to many. This is where the Rebs enter the field on game day, walking past Chuckie's "Never Quit" motto.

I don't think this will get me in trouble w/ my alma mater, given the compelling story of Chuckie Mullins, but I'm not sure about that...*smile* Funny, I don't recall putting on the flack jacket under my shirt that day. *sigh* Rest assured, there's less of me now than there was then. Still a work in progress, getting back down to, um, my "playing weight," let's say.

A very, very cool picture of James & me with Rebel head football coach Houston Nutt taken in Coach Nutt's office. My dear friend Eddie Baker had the meeting set up with Coach Nutt for purposes related to our church's Upward flag football program. Eddie invited James & me to tag along; after praying about it for a second and a half, we agreed to go. *smile* I did not tell Coach Nutt that I'm a 3-time Bama grad & lifelong fan of the Crimson Tide; I did wish him well and tell him that James is a junior @ Ole Miss. Whatever one thinks of Coach Nutt is fine; but here's a simple little photo-op that he didn't have to be part of and that will always be viewed as really cool by James & me. James was already a fan since Coach Nutt is now HC of the Rebs; I'm a fan because James is a fan, and because of this photo-op. As I told James, I hope the Rebs go 11-1 every year...*grin* Wait...they lost yesterday, so let's call it 10-2 this year.

Happiness is not having to go here...*points up* (But we are so very grateful for what that place means to us, and what they have done for us this summer)

So, now you know more than you wanted to about how I spent the latter part of my summer vacation. (Hey, at least I didn't include pictures of surgery wounds, IV bags & poles, me in support hose, and other more unsavory images of my summer...*smile*)

Be Afraid...be kind of afraid...

2008-09-04T12:28:00.001-07:00

...for many are the blog entries percolating my anesthesia/old age - addled mind. *smile*

But seriously...what do you want to talk about now? *huge grin*

We made it home through the Gustav-hammered woods of S. LA. Rest assured, a "minor hurricane" is sort of like a "minor surgical procedure": it happens to someone else & therefore it's minor to me. Much, much prayer and mercy mission work is needed in S. LA. We saw homes flooded & w/ trees in/on the house...businesses torn up...power lines down...roads washed away...such a journey is depressing! And we were quite a ways inland...one shudders to think of life down on the coastal areas of SW LA.

We saw one store at a crossroads in the woods of LA that was pumping gas. The enterprising store owner had apparently purchased one of those big generators. They were cooking food & selling it as fast as it came out of the fryer. We were just grateful for the gasoline, as there were very, very few places up & running, and all of them had very major lines of cars & trucks awaiting. While in the line to pay at the store, I had a very pleasant chat w/ a guy wearing LSU stuff. (I was wearing Crimson Tide stuff) Anyway, as I say, a very pleasant chat.

Hurricanes bring out the best (usually) and the worst (occasionally) in people, don't they?

I have now officially taught each of my classes. I remained more or less coherent through both (students may privately supply their own punch lines here), and felt good in the process. Thus far, I am 2-for-2 in days walking. Not far, mind you, but walking still. Sam the dog helps. Sort of. He also provides major nap temptation by just making a nap look and seem like such a great idea.

Anne's all bummed out, because it seems I'll be able to drive my self to & from work beginning Monday. Thus, only one more day of "Driving Mr. Dad" for her. Beginning Monday, she'll be able to (a) leave at her regular time in the morning, and (b) eat lunch with her friends with abandon, not having to worry about coming back to WCU to fetch me. Somehow, she'll just have to make do after tomorrow...*smile*

I even went to church Wed. night--which was great! I also participated in a committee meeting. (Important note: our pastor search committee is disbanded, praise God! The goateed one is here with us now. Full time. No further searching required. So this was not the pastor search committee...)

Got to spend a little time enroute to church and at church with my buddy Tim Carley & his lovely bride Mary Margaret and their daughters. (Despite having 4 kids to corral, they still came to give me a ride to church...) Prior to January, I think I had allowed myself through sheer inertia to forget how vitally life-giving it is (to me, anyway) to spend time with close friends. If you're a close friend, (a) forgive me, and (b) prepare to drink coffee & eat meals & chat & watch football & go fishing/hunting & watch football & such with me in the days, weeks, months, years, decades to come. Among the many huge blessings of this recent wilderness is being reminded again and again how very blessed I am in terms of friends who love in prayer, word, and deed. Thanks to all of you who have helped re-teach me that lesson!

Was chatting with a friend earlier this week--a fellow melanoma survivor--and we got to this sobering reality. "Cancer-free" really means "cancer-free-at-this-moment-in-time." And only God Himself knows how long "this moment" will last. There, ladies & gents, is the reality of the shadow that will haunt for the rest of my days.

So, does that mean all of us with the scarlet C on our medical chart live in fear? Not on your life!! Instead--in my case--it makes me all the more mindful of life's brevity, which is a great thing to be mindful of now & then. It also compels gratitude in a totally refreshing way. As cliche as it may be, the C word with its lifelong shadow calls forth thanksgiving throughout each day. This is, of course, as it should be. We ought to live lives full of gratitude! When's the last time you found yourself being thankful for the following?

--rain (we've had a bunch lately, but isn't everything nice & green?)
--the engineering reality that says "put a key here, turn it, shift gears, and drive anywhere you want"
--whomever it was that taught you to read
--gifted writers
--phones--many in our pockets--that enable us to stay connected with loved ones at a moment's notice
--your friends
--your family
--your extended family
--the mere existence of God and His presence in & around your life?
--a cool drink of water
--a front porch with chairs on it
--clouds
--sun
--technology that allows us to be somewhat sure ahead of time about where a hurricane is likely to go, even when it's still out in the middle of the Atlantic
--coffee
--popcorn
--TV, even with the vacuous drivel that occupies so much of the weekly schedule
--the reality that in a couple of months we will elect a new government, and a couple of months later, that government will be installed without gunfire or bloodshed...look around today's world--this is truly a remarkable thing!
--as friends of ours used to sing, "I am free...I've been redeemed..."
--a printed Bible of your very own...this was not the norm for 1500 years or so
--food (is it bad to have a healthy turkey burger & then chase that with ice cream? Just wondering...)

C-word & its lifelong shadow aside, a day is coming when this life will cease for every one of us. So, if you've had perfect health for decades, rejoice! And be ever mindful that it's a certainty that "good health" doesn't mean "this life will last forever." So live in the present tense and enjoy today, for this is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!

A favorite song that was on my mind driving through the woods of S. LA Tuesday...that definitely called forth thanksgiving!
(lyrics excerpt starts)
...1 day...2 days...3 days had passed...Could it be that Jesus had breathed His last? Could it be that His Father had forsaken Him? Turned His back on His son, despising our sin? All Hell seemed to whisper, 'forget Him! He's dead'...

Then the Father looked down at His Son and said, 'Arise, My Love...Arise, My Love...the grave no longer has a hold on You! No more death sting! No more suffering...Arise, Arise My Love'...

As dead men, the guards stood there in fright, as the power of love displayed its might...then suddenly a melody filled the air, riding wings of wind, it was everywhere...the words all creation had been longing to hear...the sweet sound of victory, so loud and clear!...'Arise, My Love'...

Sin--where are your shackles? Death--where is your sting? Hell--has been defeated! The grave could not hold the King!"
(lyrics excerpt ends)

That song...those words by Newsong..."Arise, My Love" has been making my throat & eyes fill up for years now...and I am so thankful! (saw Newsong in concert years ago, and when they fired up "Arise, My Love," it was one of the all-time great concert moments that I have experienced!)Living under a shadow? Sure! Like all of us do. But fear? Not when I remember the reality captured in the last lines of that song. Pray with me that we all would live in the glorious shadow of the brevity of our lives and of the truth about Who has the last word on all of this. And pray also that I'd always live with an overwhelming sense of joy and thanksgiving, wherever the road may lead in the future.

I'm off to make coffee for my beloved (OK...I'll have a couple of cups myself...) and enjoy the morning with thanksgiving. May it always be so, Lord!

Selah.
Mike

The Checklist:

2008-09-02T06:56:00.001-07:00

--awesome(ly bad) looking white stockings designed to reduce clots in legs?
Check

--cute teddy bear issued by MDA thoracic surgery dept to support chest during travel & coughing & such?
Check

--unshowered head desperately in need of multiple showers?
Check (btw to all concerned parties, upon arrival in H'burg this afternoon, I will be free to shower with abandon. Thus, from the time we arrive home until our hot water runs out, I'll be, um, unavailable...*smile*)

--best-looking chauffer on the road today?
Check *grin*

--alternate route designed to avoid a subset of the thousands of cars returning home to S. MS & S. LA?
Check (confidence is low here; as Lisa noted, the natives of S. LA will surely know the alternate routes too...*sigh*)

--pain pills?
Negative! Don't need 'em! *knocks on wood* (they're in the car just in case...)

--ipod with itrip connector?
Check!! (if you're wondering, the day's music will begin with Leslie West's smoking-hot electric version of the blues classic "Stormy Monday," followed by his smoking-hot version of the blues song "If Heartaches Were Nickels." Note that neither my lovely driver nor I are feeling "bluesy" in the slightest; we both really like blues music, and Leslie West is--imho--one of the all-time great blues rock guitarists--see "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain for example; that's him. Now you know...)

--movie to return to Blockbuster?
Check ("Bucket List"...great flick!)

--prayers of many friends?
Check! (I hope)

Annnnnnnd, we're off.

See you from the Burg!
Mike

Gustav, Schmustav...

2008-09-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

I come to you live from our home-away-from-home in Friendswood, TX. We've considered buying season tix to Friendswood Mustangs football games this Fall...but then we remembered that we're not going to have to be heading out here nearly as frequently in the future. (can I get a "ya-hooooo!" from the crowd? Thanks!)

Much better on the pain front today. Slept pretty well last night. I'd like to say that took care of all sleep needs for this day, but...it didn't. A power nap was required earlier this afternoon.

Regrettably, the meds plus the entire ordeal made me have to go to sleep in the midst of the 2nd half of the Bama-Clemson game we were watching on TV Sunday night. Luckily, the total thrashing/domination was long secured before I crashed. What's that? Why, no, it wasn't the top 10 Clemson winning...they were the ones getting beat like a tied-up goat...a favorite stat from the game: top-ranking duo of RBs in the country pre-season: zero yards net rushing for the evening. Nary a positive rushing yard. *huge grin* (Rooooooooooooll...Tide! Roll!...*grins again*) Regrettably, I was not able to welcome the Fedora era in person @ USM. Luckily, I'll be able to make future games. Regrettably, James had to welcome the Nutt era in to Vaught-Hemingway stadium without me. Luckily, (a) we got our picture made w/ Coach Nutt back in the summer in Coach N's office, which was very cool, and (b) I'll be able to make future games there. Regrettably, this trip means that I was not manning the effects board at PCS' 1st home game Friday night. Luckily, I'll be there loud & proud for the rest of the games. (Um...*searches*...luckily, there will be other MSU games, let's just say...*clears throat*...and I'm hoping to be there too)

So, yeah...it is that wonderful time of year when my calendar is dominated by football. We watched college football for hours Saturday--is this a great country, or what? It's also that not-so-wonderful season called "hurricane season." We've spent hours watching the weather channel today, trying to figure how to get from here to H'burg with a Cat 3 storm rolling ashore between us...We still have no idea at present, btw. But the plan is to roll out of here tomorrow morning, under the theory that Gustav will be far enough inland for us to navigate the roads. We do have an alternate route planned through the woods of LA in order to try to avoid the traffic heading back to S. LA & S. MS. We'll see. (I, of course, cannot drive yet; prayers for Lisa are most welcome! A dear friend told his wife before, "your job is just to sit there and look pretty..." I'll have trouble with both parts--just sitting there and with looking pretty. Oh well...)

Oh, yeah, there's also this:

I AM CANCER FREE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2008!!!

From "stage IV metastic melanoma" in May to "cancer-free" in August is quite the amazing transition. God has chosen to answer our prayers--and yours--in miraculous ways using amazing medical technology and its practitioners.

So, Gustav, while a huge problem, pales to pasty-white in comparison in the collective Madaris psyche. We ain't skeered! (OK, maybe a little...but we ain't very skeered...)

Thanks for continuing to pray us home! Y'all didn't know when you said "I'll pray for you" what all that would mean, did you? Who knew "safe travel through a killer hurricane's aftermath" would go alongside "2nd lung surgery recovery"? *smile* Again, I tell you, we're ready for exhiliratingly normal routine for a while!

Hope Gustav is treating all of you midsouth'ers well. Thanks for all you've done for us!

In His glorious grip,
Mike

2008-08-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

So...on this date back during antiquity my brother was born. (Roosevelt admin I think...Teddy R, that is...*grin*)

Ok, everybody now:

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
You're older than your brother,
And I got all the looks too.

(Yeah, a couple of cheap shots...but like the man said in Top Gun, "The shot was there, so I took it...")

Seriously, though, If anyone deserves a happy birthday today, it's Jim. He's had a pretty challenging summer, between work things, medical things, and, well, my things. He gave up a couple of weeks of his summer to accompany me to Camp MDA, one of which was spent in IL-2-land. As you can tell from his stuff here, he's quite a guy. And a most excellent big brother too!

So, bro, here's wishing you a happy one, with many more to follow. U Da Man!

Love,
Mike

"Mission Accomplished"

2008-08-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

Howdy, all. Jim here (Mike's brother). That will be immediately obvious if you're expecting Mike-quality prose; he has the only writing game in the Madaris family!

Lisa left a voicemail about 11 this morning, and asked me to update the blog. She said Mike is doing okay--okay being a relative term. He came through the surgery fine, and they were in a transition-type room when she called, probably in a regular hospital room by now. Mike is having more and different kinds of pain than last time, and a good bit of post-operative nausea.

The good news: Dr. Mehron, the lung surgeon, told Lisa "Mission Accomplished." So I am privileged to tell all of Mike's wonderful friends, family, and prayer warriors:

Mike Madaris is once again
cancer-free!!

Praise God!! God is so good; He is good even if His plans do not equate to our flawed human ones. But I'm praising Him right now and thanking Him for ridding Mike of cancer yesterday morning through his vessels at M.D. Anderson.

Please continue to pray for Mike's recovery, Lisa's strength (if you know her, you know that is a praise, not a plea), and their safe travels back to Hattiesburg early next week.

And for this blog to return to its previously established standards soon... :-)

Ok, that's it...

2008-08-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

...it's time to wind up all this medical fun. (let the church say "amen!" *grin*)

Here's the latest reason why it's time to wind it all up. Today, for pre-surgery bloodwork, guess how many vials of blood were drawn from me. Go ahead; pick a number. Got your number? What'd you pick, 2? 3? 5?

Fourteen vials of blood!!! That's 1-4. Fill up 10 of those test tubes; then fill up 4 more! I asked the phelbo...phlebat...the lady drawing my blood if I'd still have any blood left when she got finished. I'm not sure she tracked with my sense of humor. Which was pretty warped before all of this summer's festivities. Now it's really disturbingly warped. (For the times that shows up here on the blog, well, I'm...you're welcome! *smile*)

Anyway, most of you will go to sleep tonight without having had one single test tube full of blood removed from you. I feel so sorry for you...I'd have been most willing to have let you fill up 4-5 of those 14 vials earlier today. Oh well, your loss.

We are go for check-in at 5:30 Friday morning. (sorry...just watched Apollo 13 for the 63rd time & lapsed into the movie version of aerospace engineer-speak; hey, we do drive right past NASA - Houston on the road to this place!)

Surgery will follow right about whenever they get a round tuit. (Actually, surgery is scheduled for around 7:30 a.m.)

Last time, I was awake in recovery by about 10:30 a.m. And that surgery removed multiple spots. This one only needs to remove one.

Lisa and I are very pleased to be at this point. Metastatic melanoma is...*searches for appropriate word for a family-oriented blog*...very nasty. The odds of Jim & I getting really bad news last week were quite high, actually. The odds of going from "melanoma is back" in May to (the whispered dream phrase...shh! Not yet!...) in August approach zero. Those tendencies are well-documented. But my God created mathematical properties such as the Law of Large Numbers and statistical measures of central tendency & dispersion; He is most definitely not bound by them! (Aside: why does this seem to be so hard for some people to understand? *mini-rant ends*)

I will always be convinced that we are at this point because He has chosen to answer the prayers offered on our behalf by so very many people. He did not have to get us to this place, and He would not have been any less glorious had He chosen not to do so. But we're sure glad He has us here!!

The hardest part of tomorrow will be the waiting. (Not by me...I'll be in anesthesia-land, without a care in the world.) Lisa will sit there in the surgical waiting room. And wait...and then...wait...some...more. And watch the second hand on the clock move o h - s o o - s l o w l y while waiting for her name to be called with an update. James & Anne will be sneaking peeks at the clocks on the walls @ PCS and in the Pharmacy School @ UM. Jim will be doing his project management thing, but will mostly be sending & receiving texts & emails to his friends who are bombarding heaven on our behalf. (Thanks, my central AL friends! Lift a couple for Jim & Sandi too, won't you?) Mom will try to do other things besides stare at the phone. To very little avail.

So, once again, please pray for Lisa especially, and also for the rest of my family who are hanging in there on this journey. In terms of family, I am most highly blessed.

THANKS FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS, CARDS, CALLS, TEXTS, COMMENTS, LETTERS, HUGS, AND ACTS OF SERVICE! Ray Boltz sang it years ago: "Thank you, for giving to the Lord! I am a life that was changed..."

We love y'all! Since we'll be rolling out about 4:45 a.m., I doubt I'll blog in the morning. Perhaps Lisa will update later tomorrow once we get to a room.

With hope,
Mike

p.s. - there are suggestions that a celebration party might need to be in order after all of this. As Spock would say, "fascinating!"...

p.p.s. - Words to "Thank You" by Ray Boltz, 1994. The song always makes me cry. (as it's doing now...*blush*) Picture me singing this--with a better voice that my own--and you are the "you" referred to. That gets toward capturing my full heart this evening. And thanks!

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man
And he was smiling as he came
And he said, Friend, You may not know me now
And then he said, But wait
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start
And one day when you said that prayer
I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS: Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you
And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church
His pictures made you cry
You didn't have much money
But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I am here today

(Repeat Chorus)

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see
Each life somehow touched (Mike says, "my life somehow touched...")
By your generosity
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices made
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord
He said, My child look around you
Great is your reward

(Repeat Chorus)
I am so glad you gave
©1988 Gaither Music/ASCAP. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

High Anxiety

2008-08-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

As we head west this afternoon for what we hope will be the last part of the bend before the road straightens out, I thought I'd let my humanity show by sharing some parts of this that...well...challenge the efficacy of my blood pressure medicine. (let's just say)

--some glitch causing me to not be able to have the surgery after all

--something going wrong during the surgery that keeps us out there longer

(Neither of those are particularly pressing fears, in case you're wondering. This next one however,...)

--recovery from general anesthesia
I'm a cheap anesthesia patient. They say "count to ten" and I make it to "w..." and then the next thing I know they're waking me up. That's the good news. The bad news is, that it seems to take a while for all of my systems to switch back on after anesthesia. There were some minor issues with this last time; specific prayers are welcome related to all of these, but to this one in particular.

--my family--immediate and extended
They're scattered. And very tired from all of this wear & tear on the emotions. (especially Lisa...in her case particularly add "wear & tear from heading back & forth to Houston a bunch of times this summer"...). I've said before, I'd much rather be the patient than the spouse or child or parent or brother of the patient.

Lisa will be at MDA with me, but will still be out in the waiting room and in the recovery waiting room. Just waiting...which is surely the most wearying part of a hospital experience.

James is eyeball-deep in intense pharmacy things that I can't spell nor pronounce in his classes. 4 1/2 hours away from H'burg, and (obviously) farther yet away from us.

Anne is eyeball-deep in (a) her senior year of HS, and (b) a new job. She'll be here in the 'Burg.

Mom keeps a schedule that would wear out many a younger person back home in FL. (I'm quite sure I couldn't keep up!)

Jim & his family have much going on in central AL.

So, your prayers for all of them are vital to this process and are greatly needed and appreciated!

--time & effort to restore "regular" cardiovascular health
Mine was pretty decent at the beginning of the summer. (well, other than having cancer in my lungs...*smile*) Then came surgery + IL-2-land. I've been working on it since getting back, but let's just say I'm a "fur piece" from where I was & from where I need to be.

--getting ahead of the curve at work
My boss & colleagues are just amazing through all of this. Even yesterday, I received multiple offers to help out while I'm gone. With that said, I'm more or less keeping my head above water, but much that needs to happen professionally has fallen by the wayside this calendar year. It'd be great to be back in the groove of where I need to be with my classes & some research things & my committee work & a professional certification I'd like to complete. I really hope to (soon!)be a contributor to WCU and its School of Business, rather than a constant taker like I've been for 8 months now.

--home projects
I have yard things and house things that I was behind on in May. These 8 trips to Houston & the various types of...fun...they entailed have not helped me catch up. *sigh* Fortunately, I married waaaaaaaaay out of my league, so she's quite patient. Also, I have almost no game in the home repair area, & thus am unable to do much of that stuff even when healthy. So I've got that going for me...*grin*

The bottom line on several of these concerns is, Lisa & I are just ready to be leading exhiliratingly routine lives again. Catching up on our stuff, and contributing to the lives of others rather than just being Dead Sea-like takers with very little output.

One more fear, at the risk of going all theological on you. I have a very real fear of forgetting the many lessons my Lord has taught me this year once we pass (hopefully!) beyond the land of shadows & fears and move (next week, maybe!) back into the land of sunlight and smooth roads. Lisa & I do not want to lose the keen awareness of God's presence in & around us that has been manifest this year. A dear friend & soul brother told me during his own battle with a serious medical condition, "Mike, I don't ever want to go back to how I was before all this. I don't want to be the same again." Exactly! Me neither!

Moses said to the Lord..."Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight"...And He said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” And he said to Him, “If Your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here...
(Exodus 33, beginning in v. 12, excerpted here)

Verse 15 (boldface above) is easy to say. I even memorized it a few years ago because I thought it was cool. "Cool" doesn't come close! Awesome does...at least what "awesome" meant before we applied it to pizza and burgers and coffee. To be struck with awe. Yeah, that's pretty close.

The Schedule:

--made it here last night just before midnight (waiting on car repair things)

--Thursday morning - appt w/ anesthesiologist + bloodwork (easy day)

--Friday - surgery (time TBA, but either early in the morning or less early in the morning; will find out Thursday afternoon)

--Saturday - watch college football all day long on TV (is this a great country, or what? *smile*)through the fog of amnesia; hope that my Crimson Tide play the game of their lives and upset Clemson Saturday night

--Sunday - hopefully, get released from hospital; this is what happened last time

--Monday - hopefully, head back home (if not on Sunday...see "hurricane Gustav"...)

--Tuesday - lie around the house praying for body systems to turn back on

--Wednesday - hopefully, resume teaching

(There does seem to be this hurricane percolating down south...the eye is currently predicted to pass through my back yard...Monday morning. But other than that, the weather's great & expected to stay so...*sigh*)

THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE, EMAILS, COMMENTS HERE, PRAYERS, AND ACTS OF SERVICE TO US!! We're so very humbled and so deeply moved by all of the fingerprints of God on all of you. I hope we never get over it.

With strong love, tremendous appreciation, and greatly renewed hope,
Mike

Inked Up & Ready

2008-08-25T18:31:00.000-07:00

So, I'm all inked up for Friday's surgery. Same as last time, but on the other side. The right side of my chest has a really cool temporary tattoo that looks like this:

RYM

Just a reminder of the interpretation. "Y" stands for "yes, operate on this side." (As Dave Barry says, I am not making this up!) "RM" is Dr. Mehran's initials. So, Friday a.m., anyone @ MDA seeing the right side of my chest will know 2 things: this is the side where the operation happens...because Dr. Mehran said so.

Taught my first class of the academic year today. Another first class meets tomorrow. And let me tell you...it is great to be back! (even if I am going to be gone again late this week & early next week...*sigh*)

Thanks so much for your continued prayers, acts of service, emails, blog comments, facebook comments, cards, letters, hugs, etc. Please keep 'em coming a bit longer...I am completely persuaded that one of the reasons we received such optimistic news is that God has chosen to answer the prayers of so many of you. Know that we are forever grateful to Him...to you...and to Him for you.

With great thanksgiving, unfathomable love, and renewed hope,
Mike

p.s. - Our travel schedule:
--Wednesday - Lisa & I will head out after my class.
--Thursday - bloodwork (yippee!) and prelim appt. w/ the anesthesiologist.
--Friday at zero-dark-thirty - surgery prep; I think actual surgery is at 7:30.

As Aerosmith sang years ago...

2008-08-23T19:10:00.000-07:00

..."I'm baaaaaaack...I'm back in the saddle again..."

Yesterday, I worked a full day for the first time in weeks. Dropped Lisa off at her work at 8:00 & went on to WCU. (well, after a brief detour by Chik-Fil-A...and then another detour through Seattle Drip...both required by my medical condition--oh, not the cancer; it's just that I've battled addiction to biscuits and to coffee for years now...well, "battled" is probably not correct here...maybe "enjoyed" is a better word...). And I felt pretty good all day at work, and had a fairly productive day. I did get the yawns around 5:30 p.m., but then I got them last year at that time when my health was still "normal." *smile*

It was great to be back @ WCU preparing for classes!! And being back around my excellent coworkers again. Very therapeutic! Even though I'm heinously far behind in preparing for classes which begin Monday (yikes!), I thoroughly enjoyed the day. And in the middle of the day, I had to go eat Thai food at Suwanna's with a great friend. The time with him and the food were both excellent additions to an outstanding...and normal!...day.

Speaking of outstanding, tomorrow will be the first Sunday in a year and a half in which my church will have a pastor who is not an interim. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us under Tony Merida's teaching & leadership! It's my strong hope and prayer that God continues to magnify Himself in and through Temple Baptist, as He has done since long before we joined 19 years ago.

The final piece of this update is that I discovered this morning that I'm recovered enough to change a tire. *sigh* But that, too, was oddly satisfying and reaffirming. Who'd have thunk that changing a tire could make one happy? I guess that's yet another reminder of the depths of "bummer!" that is cancer/IL-2/lung surgery.

Looking forward to tomorrow. And to the beginning of classes. Somewhat less so to our 8th trip to Houston/MDA Wednesday afternoon though. On the huge plus side, this one should cut down on the need for future treatment-related trips. w00t!!

Thanks for your continued prayers through this medical journey!

IT'S ON!!

2008-08-21T17:44:00.001-07:00

Here's some snippets from the conversation in Dr. Mehran's office this morning between the good Dr. & me:

Dr. Mehran: "So...Mr. Madaris...you've come back to see about getting the remaining spot removed from your right lung."

Me: "Yes sir. I had so much fun last time, I thought we'd do it again..."

Him: "Well, we can certainly do this. And I can use the camera again." (this means "VATS" like last time)

Him again: "OK...let me go look at my calendar and get you on it."

So, ladies & gents, it's on!

Thursday, 8/28 - meet w/ anesthesiologist; have blood drawn
Friday, 8/29 7:30 a.m. - surgery to remove my last dadburn melanoma tumor!!
(We'll have to be there by something like 5:00 a.m. for the pre-surgery prep.)

Last time I had VATS on a Friday, I was out of the hospital on Sunday, and home on Monday. It took another day or two to be fully functional though. *supply your own punchline as to whether I've ever been "fully functional"*

The surgery itself does not require a long recovery. Last time, the hardest part by far was recovering from general anesthesia.

So, Lord willing, in just 8 days, I'll be able to say out loud the wonderful, magic phrase that's only a whisper of hope so far.

Please continue to pray for us through the rest of this bend in the road. Thanks so much for continuing to hold us up before the throne. Lord willing, we may be near the part where the road straightens out for a while and is no longer bent & bumpy. Hopefully, you'll soon be able to re-allocate your "pray for Mike's health" time to other prayer needs; but please hang in there with us for a bit longer.

With much love, gratitude, and hope,
Mike

p.s. - I'm so excited about this upcoming surgery that I can hardly stand it! Oh, to be "normal" again...(whatever "normal" is...)

p.p.s. - In all of my spare time from my MDA fun, I do actually have classes to teach beginning this coming Monday. Can't wait! (even though I'll have to miss a few days due to VATS round 2)

p.p.p.s. - Jim & I had a great time this week. We (mostly) behaved well, though we did severely overeat once or twice. We're so ashamed...

"'Relax...relax...relax...we need some information...first...

2008-08-21T03:53:00.000-07:00

...just the basic facts...can you show me where it hurts?'...'There is no pain, you are receding...a distant ship's smoke on the horizon...you are only coming through in waves...your lips move, but I can't hear what you're sayin...'"

(etc., followed by smoking-hot guitar solo)

This musical introduction brought to you courtesy of Pink Floyd's outstanding song "Comfortably Numb." One of my favorite all-time rock songs, and the first medical-related song lyric I came up at 5:30 a.m....

The details for today:
7:30 a.m. today (Thursday)
Dr. Mehran (click for more info on him)
Purpose of visit: will he operate again to remove the one remaining melanoma spot on my rt. lung?

I'll update, but probably not until after we get home to the Burg later today. Jim's journey today will be longer than mine by about 4 hours. He's dropping me off @ the house & then continuing on to his place in the surburbs of Slapout, AL. (slogan: "Slapout, AL...where you ought to be" I have a great t-shirt w/ that on it)

So please pray for...
--Dr. M to say yes!
--safe travel for us to H'burg
--safe travel for Jim from H'burg to his home
(about a half hour north of Montgomery, just on the off-chance you happen not to know where in the round world Slapout is...)

Thanks so very much!!

With love, gratitude, and hope,
Mike

UPDATE/GOOD NEWS/PRAYER REQUEST...

2008-08-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

...all in one.

So, here's the news from MDA, my home away from home, out here on the edge of the prairie (thank you, Garrison Keillor)

It's good news, though not directly in my 3 categories. And we're not finished here @ MDA.

--There is still one spot on my rt. lung
It shows up on the CT scans and also lights up on the P.E.T. scan (which means it is cancer). **We already knew this spot was there; this is not a new thing.** The good news is, this spot is unchanged in the last 2 months since my last CT & P.E.T. scan. The other good news is, there is no sign of any other cancer-looking spots anywhere in my body. (And trust me here...I had a fairly exhaustive set of scans yesterday...)

--Dr. Homsi has referred me back to Dr. Mehran the thoracic surgeon
Dr. H. wants to see if Dr. M. will operate on me again and remove the one spot. Dr. Homsi thinks I'm a good candidate, and the spot is in a good location. But that decision will be the surgeon's. (reminder: Dr. Mehran did the VATS surgery on my left lung early in the summer; we like him too!)

--Appt. w/ Dr. Mehran This Thursday, 8/21, at 7:30 a.m.
Yeah. We thought we were heading back to the 'Burg this afternoon. But I'm coming to you live from Friendswood, TX. Dr. M.'s nurse practitioner added us to his schedule Thursday morning, which is the next time he's in the clinic. He will make his decision on whether to operate at/after that appt.

--Life after surgery (assuming he operates)
The first, and coolest, part of life after surgery would be that I would get to use a phrase to describe myself that I have not been able to use decisively in 2008. (I'll not use it here in full-size print...*whispers* cancer-free...I'm saving it up for the blog post after surgery...)
The next part of life after surgery is that I'll be part of a research study here (study #2 by my reckoning). They'll take the tumor from my lung, and then will grow the lymphocytes ("t-cells") in the lab. Should melanoma ever come back with me, they'd then give those t-cells back to me along w/ IL-2.
Notice what is NOT part of life after surgery (at least not now): chemotherapy! w00t!

So, there it is, ladies & gents. On balance, we're all pretty excited. The odds of getting really bad news when melanoma comes back (as it has with me) are very high. Melanoma is a nasty, insidious disease in that regard. Thus, in my opinion, getting fairly decent news is a direct answer to our collective prayers.

What to Pray Now: For Dr. Mehran to agree to do the surgery!
(again, the appt. is Thursday, 8/21, at 7:30 a.m.)

Thanks so very much for your prayers for us. One reason I've asked for healing is so that I can join y'all in interceding for the needs of others. I've been so very humbled by your prayers, text messages, emails, blog comments, hugs, acts of service to us Madarians,...I'm anxious to join you in the gap of intercessory prayer.

I'll leave you with a few verses of this hymn I listened to first thing this morning. (Thank you, Selah!). I've highlighted a few lines that really grabbed my heart today. Tears flowed all over my donut...oh well!

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

("Be Still, My Soul" by Katharina von Schlegel, 1752)

With much love, gratitude, and hope,
Mike

p.s. - didn't the dinosaurs disappear in the thoracic age? *smile*

Lipstick on a Pig

2008-08-19T04:52:00.000-07:00

You can put all the lipstick you have on a pig, and it's still just a pig with lipstick. (great mental image to start the day, huh? *smile*)

Well, today's appointment is sort of like that. There's just not much of a way to dress it up. After all musings & ponderings about it, it's still a Dr. visit that is very intense. So, I'll not try to make it something it's not. Just the facts, ma'am...

1:30 - appt. with Dr. Homsi

That's it. No tests, nothing else. Just the big appointment.

There are three possible results of yesterday's tests, by way of reminder:

1. The high-dose IL-2 immunotherapy has worked to completion
Scans show no trace of cancer anywhere in my body.

2. The immunotherapy is working
Scans show that the tumors are still there, but are shrinking. This would likely mean another 2-round cycle of IL-2.

3. The immunotherapy is not working
Scans show the melanoma has either grown or spread. This would mean time for plan B. Or C. Or D. It would mean no more IL-2; instead, it would mean chemo or some other protocol.

Obviously #1 is the preferred choice (thank you, Captain Obvious...). #2 would be good too.

Just happened to read Psalm 139 this morning...(OK, I didn't "just happen to read it"...). A few thoughts from David there seem relevant to today.

(Psalm 139 starts)
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before,and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me,and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
(1-18)

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting! (23-24)
(Psalm 139 ends)

A few takeaway points for me. For us.
--God knows!
--He cares!
--He is ever-present! (One of my favorite names of His is Jehovah Shammah - The Lord Who is Present)
--Even the darkness of, say, an intense appt. @ MDA is not dark to Him!
--I am fearfully and wonderfully made...even with scars on & (perhaps still) cancer floating in my body. All 5'9" of me. Short, slow, and carrying the mass of a guy who's 6'2". Still, fearfully & wonderfully made.
--His works are wonderful! Sometimes this is patently obvious; other times it seems a tad veiled. Either way, though, His works are wonderful.
--He knows all of our days before we're even born. Let that bit of info sink in...

So, pray today that I can remember what I know to be true as we face huge uncertainty with this appointment. Pray that I will subject my human anxiety to the scrutiny and truth of the Word. My God will not be surprised by whatever Dr. Homsi says today. I rest in that, albeit uneasily at times when I allow my human anxiety to overpower the truth.

THANK YOU for praying for us through this journey. Especially today's part.

With love, awe, thanksgiving, and hope,
Mike

p.s. - I'll update asap, but that may be later tonight when we get back to H'burg.

Schedule of today's festivities...

2008-08-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

7:30 a.m. - fast begins
(I got to McDonald's just under the wire to have my MDA-sanctioned breakfast of eggs, sausage, and black coffee...I know you're relieved...)

12:12 p.m. - blood/specimen collection
(I'm slightly nervous about the "/specimen" part of this one...)

1:00 - P.E.T. prep
(not sure what my dog & cats have to do with this, but whatever MDA says...*grin*)

1:30 - P.E.T./C.T Injection & Localization
(I think pain is involved in this one...)

3:00 - P.E.T. Melanoma Re-stage
(I believe this is the actual P.E.T. scan...)

5:30 - C.T. Prep

7:00 - C.T. scan of chest, abdomen, & pelvis
(contrast solution...yum, yum!...or not)

8:00 - Chest XRay

9:00 - End fast with a vengeance by pounding down vast, vast quantities of excellent Tex-Mex food at Gringo's
(OK...this one's not on my official MDA schedule...*smile*)

Notice what's NOT on that list:
--lunch - *sigh*...Jim will have to do that all by himself since it will be too painful...& tempting!...to watch
--coffee - not allowed, beyond the really bad cup of black McD's coffee this morning; I'm planning on drinking a couple of pots worth tomorrow...

So, there you have it, sports fans. Just another fun-filled day here @ MDA-land. Some go to 6 Flags over TX, some go to the state fair, some go to baseball & football & basketball games...but we few & fortunate ones get to roam around MDA-land and ride the various, um, "rides" here. I know you're jealous...

Please pray. Obviously, I want good results from all these tests, but more important is accurate results.

Thanks so much for mentioning us before the throne of grace!

With love, appreciation, and hope, I am
In His Grip,
Mike

"And behold, some people brought to him a paralytic, lying on a bed. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.”...But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, “Why do you think evil in your hearts? For which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he then said to the paralytic—“Rise, pick up your bed and go home.” And he rose and went home. When the crowds saw it, they were afraid, and they glorified God, who had given such authority to men."
Matthew 9:2, 4-8

(Mike says) I love the part where you're mentioned here: "seeing their faith...He then said to the paralytic "Rise, pick up your bed, and go home"...THANKS so very much for exercising your faith on my behalf!!

Fair? You want fair??

2008-08-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

We spend much time in our society...and in our churches...griping about fairness. I totally agree: here's a partial list of things in my life that are not at all fair...

...for me to have had the great parents I have...

...and to have grown up on/near the world's prettiest beaches...

...and to have a good education in a good school system...

...and to have a great brother who is my best friend outside of Lisa...

...and to have such an amazing, patient wife...

...and the finest young man & young lady I know as my own children...

...and to have degrees from the U. of Alabama...

...and to get to teach for a living...

...at such a great place with great colleages and an outstanding boss...

...and to be part of Temple Baptist Church for these past 19 years...

...and to have such great friends...

...and to have been to Russia and Poland multiple times on mission trips...

...and to have some of the greatest aunts, uncles, & cousins in the world...

...and to know that I'll be fed multiple times today...

...and be in an air-conditioned house...

...located in a marvelous country...

...that will seamlessly transition to a new political leader next January without violence or gunfire or military intervention.

Yeah...none of those things are fair for me to have. And yet, there it is, just a short list representing so many other things for which I'm thankful. Fair?? Nah...I prefer "grace"!

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?" Job 38:5-6

Good question there. I sure wasn't around when the foundation of the earth was laid...All I know is that "now we see through a glass darkly..." Not everything is plain nor does it all "compute" to my finite mind. But "then, (I shall see) face to face...now I know in part...then I shall know even as I am also known..." (Paul, 1 Cor. 13)

I'll take that. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief...

Medical stuff
My brother, Jim, & I head out to Houston this afternoon. Monday is the day of fun-filled tests & scans & such. Then, Tuesday is the huge appointment with Dr. Homsi. This is the appointment when we find out if the immunotherapy is working. (or better, has worked...) The appt. is at 1:30. Assuming we get out in a fairly timely manner, we'll head back here that afternoon, arriving on into the evening.

Please pray for safe travels, for accurate test & scan results, and for great test & scan results. And pray for Jim & me to magnify our Lord through all of that. And of course, please remember to pray for Lisa, who's staying here to work and rest, and James, who starts his pharmacy classes Monday morning, and for Anne, who's underway with her senior year of high school.

Thanks so much for your prayers & love! God is good!

With love, appreciation, and hope,
Mike

Raising the Bar

2008-08-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

As one who has spent a fair amount of his adult life (supply your own punch line here) in education, trying to figure out how to motivate students, Thursday night's White Coat ceremony offers some answers.

First a description, & then a couple of brief reflections.

The Ford Center on the campus of the University of Mississippi. A very impressive facility! (If you're a presidential debate watcher, you'll see the Ford Center when it hosts a debate.) Very few empty seats, and we were dressed up. Coat, tie, the works. (yeah...waaaay out of character for me, but I do it sometimes...)

A number of upper classmen attended, wearing their white coats. The faculty of the School of Pharmacy filed in, all wearing their (longer) white coats. And then the students who will begin their pharmacy courses next week. (one of whom looks like a bigger, stronger, smarter, better-looking version of me...).

The Dean of the School of Pharmacy spoke, as did the Dean of Students for the entire University. Both did a great job of (a) welcoming the students into the pharmacy community, and (b) challenging them greatly. At the risk of bragging on my baby boy, a quick word on what it took to be sitting there as an entering student. 30-something of the 100 were "early entry." This means they applied in high school, went through an interview and a competitive impromptu essay ("Here's your topic; you have an hour. Grammar & spelling count. Good luck!"). 50 were selected. They had to keep a 3.5 gpa their freshman year, and a 3.25 cumulative by the end of their sophomore year. (If you add the first 2 semesters' gpa of my freshman year, you don't get to 3.5...sigh). And of course, they had to make a particular score on the PCAT (aptitude test). 15ish of James' early entry class either didn't make it or opted out for whatever reason. The rest of the entering class is "regular entry" which means they went through a similarly competitive application process. (Everyone in the class is referred to as "P3's" connoting that this is their 1st year of actual pharmacy courses; next year is P4, then P5, etc.) A number of them already have a degree. Some have work experience too. So, the group is already an impressive, motivated group. Personally, I'm just glad they let me sit in the back of the auditorium!

After opening remarks, the group read the UM creed, and then read the pharmacy school creed out loud. Then, one at a time, they came up on stage and signed 2 large copies of the Pharmacy creed. 1 of these will be displayed in the School of Pharmacy in Oxford, and the other will be displayed in the clinical facility in Jackson. Then, the Dean herself put their (personalized!) white coats on them, they were given a copy of a book on the history of pharmacy education @ Ole Miss (James' class is the 100th class, which is pretty cool), and they were given a copy of the creed. BTW, their names were read out by Associate Dean Dr. Marvin Wilson, who--literally--has changed the pharmacy profession in the state of Mississippi and beyond. As the Dean said, "Dr. Wilson needs no introduction," at which point a fairly sizeable ovation came forth, led by the students. MS'ians, next time you're speaking w/ your pharmacist, find out if s/he went to Ole Miss' Pharmacy School. If so, and if s/he's under about 50, s/he'll definitely remember Dr. Wilson!

The whole ceremony had a very formal feel to it. A seriousness & gravity about it. Much was said about the sacred trust that exists between a pharmacist and his patients. About the vital need for integrity and ethical behavior. I kept picturing my most excellent pharmacist out at M.D. Anderson and was totally agreeing with what was said. Basically, all of us walked out of there with an overwhelming sense that this was the beginning point of something far bigger than a degree program at a particular university.

Which leads to my personal reflections...

Dr. Reardon, the Dean of Students, remarked that he had wondered what the School of Pharmacy had that none of the other schools on campus had, other than a reputation for being among the very best Pharmacy programs in the country. (note: there are some other outstanding programs on campus there...for example, their Croft Institute for International Studies is world class...) His conclusion was that the School of Pharmacy has ritual and ceremony. After last night, I agree.

I totally dig the academic rituals and ceremonies. I'm goober enough that I enjoy getting on the robes and being part of graduation ceremonies. But graduations are (obviously!) at the end of a program of study. Thursday night's ceremony was equally serious, but was signifying the beginning of a program. The entering students there have taken zero pharmacy courses. And yet, the vision was cast, the warm welcome was put forth, and the challenge was issued. Shoot, I was challenged and motivated, and I can't even spell pharmacy or organic chemistry or biochemistry of any of the scary pharmawhatever course names.

I lay there in bed Friday night and thought that I'd give a lot if I could bottle up that motivation and sprinkle a bit of it on my students. Or on myself now & then. Based on history, there will be a few there last night who will not receive their Pharm.D. in 4 years. Some will choose a different life path; others will have a different path thrust upon them by grades in the Pharm.D. program. But those who do receive their Pharm.D. in 4 years will remember the challenges and encouragement they received last night. And they will go out and make a gigantic difference in the lives of people. People like me, who are totally dependent on what is taught in Schools of Pharmacy and learned after by pharmacists.

Fraternities & sororities do similar things with their rituals, but then there's not very much followup. And some of us utterly fail to live up to the standards set by the rituals in college Greek systems. Once upon a time, the Christian church had a similar ritual--baptism. If we truly pondered all that baptism means, it would definitely raise the bar. ("buried with Christ in baptism; raised to walk in new-ness of life..." Words that should matter!) But these days, baptism is frequently viewed simply as something one has to do to join a church. Nothing more. Which is sad.

So James & his classmates had a vision cast Thursday night. The standard was set, and the bar was raised. Now they have the responsibility and challenge of pressing on through 4 more years. Two years of very demanding courses. (18 hours worth this Fall) Then the gigantic challenge of the P5 year, which is a year of clinicals in Jackson. Cases are presented and analyzed, and solutions developed. From what I hear, pretty much nobody enjoys the P5 experience. But I also hear that they're all better pharmacists because of it, particularly if they wind up in a research type setting after completing the program. Then, the P6 year, which is mostly enjoyable; they complete eight 5-week rotations in different pharmacy settings. And then the Doctorate of Pharmacy is bestowed.

Here's hoping...and expecting...that James Madaris is walking across another stage 4 years from now. To receive his hard-earned Pharm.D. degree. (note: here's further hoping that I'm there in the audience, barely holding myself together with pride & thanksgiving...)

The application for the rest of us is this: do whatever it takes to raise the bar. Personally and professionally. Especially spiritually. Re-visit why you chose your profession. Take a day to ponder & reflect. Go to a conference. Re-visit your college campus and walk around reminiscing. Make a point of thinking deeply about your workplace next time you're there. View it as a calling. Pray for a new vision. Read Os Guiness' excellent book The Call from a few years back. Whatever it takes. Sneak in to next August's white coat ceremony at the University of Mississippi's School of Pharmacy, even, just to watch.

And while you're at it, would you voice a prayer for my baby boy? His is a genuine calling to the profession, which he had confirmed Thursday evening. But it's still a long & difficult road between Monday morning and Pharm.D. On his behalf, thanks!

With Love & Hope,
Mike

p.s. - My brother Jim & I are headed out to Houston tomorrow afternoon. Monday's a fun-filled day of a bunch of tests. (1st test is early, last test is at 8:00 p.m.!) Then Tuesday is the big appt. w/ Dr. Homsi. Thanks for your prayers!!

p.p.s. - I'll put some pix from Thursday night here as soon as I get ours developed and receive some others via email from others who were there. (and as soon as I remember how to do so...)

p.p.p.s. - If Ole Miss happens not to be your school of choice, that's fine. Remember, Lisa & I are Bama grads ourselves. But also remember, (a) James is not a partier, and (b) not in a fraternity, and (c) is a shorts/flipflops/t-shirt type, who (d) has had a great time there, while (e) growing spiritually, and (f) getting an outstanding education, (g) from one of the top pharmacy programs in the country. Your kid wants to be a pharmacist in Mississippi? Here's an exhaustive list of everywhere s/he can get pharmacy education in state: University of Mississippi. (list ends). A great friend of mine is completing his P6 year now, after being a lifelong MSU fan with 2 degrees from MSU; he's maroon & white thru & thru...and is very proud of his Ole Miss Pharmacy degree. As he should be. FWIW.

Living in the Present Tense

2008-08-14T04:11:00.000-07:00

"This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Often quoted, rarely lived. (By me anyway...y'all may not have that problem.)

I find it very easy to live in the future tense. Especially with this scarlet "C" around my neck just now. Let me explain living in the present tense. Think of the phrase "just as soon as..." See if these sound familiar:

"Just as soon as I get out of high school, I'll get serious about life & faith"

"Just as soon as I get out of college, I'll become tight with the Lord"

"Just as soon as I get a job, I'll start living right"

(get the idea? Know anyone who lives like that?)

"Just as soon as I get married...get into shape...have kids...get the kids through school...make a lot of $$...retire...find a decent church...(etc.)"

One of the great blessings about cancer is that it is an outstanding perspective-putter-inner. When one gets that diagnosis, especially a total bummer of a cancer like metastatic melanoma, here's what happens. Put your hands as far apart as possible. Your "to-do" list that was that big prior to getting the diagnosis, shrinks dramatically. Now put your hands about an inch apart. This is about how large the to-do list becomes. And what's left on that list will be what is absolutely essential to the totality of life, whatever one's age is. Think of three things: faith, family, & friends. There's the new to-do list, courtesy of a cancer diagnosis.

Note what's not there any more. "Promotion/position/power at work"..."Take Jr. to his 7th baseball camp this summer so he can learn to throw a splitter at age 8 and get noticed by the bigs"..."Accumulate more stuff"..."the outcome of any college football game"..."Obsess over whether Brett was done right or wrong by the Packers and over where/if he's going to play this year"...(etc.)

Here's my recommendation based on these thoughts. Why wait for a dreadful diagnosis or a tragedy to properly prioritize your to-do list? Why not go ahead & put the first things first now? (as Stephen Covey says it).

How's your walk with the Lord? Why did you answer the way you did? What's keeping you from improving it? Did you say "I don't have time"? Really??? Then you need to off-load several items from your current list. Immediately. Because if you don't have time for your relationship with God, you are attempting to do more than He has for you to do.

How's your family? Your relationship with your spouse if you have one of those? How about your relationship with your kids? Why'd you answer the way you did? Here's a concept from the apostle Paul: "so far as is within you, be at peace with everyone." If you're the Dad, may I suggest that the prerogative to improve things lies squarely on your shoulders. (part of that whole "leadership" thing). I know sometimes things & people get sideways and seem to stay that way. But what I speak of are folks...Dads in particular...who spend all of their "good" time investing in place/power/position at work or in lowering a golf score or something like that, and leave their wives and kids the leftover, worn out scraps of themselves. And then wonder why the relationships are not so great.

How are things with your friends? When's the last time you had a conversation longer than "How're things? Good. You? Great. Seeya."

As I was pondering the topic of "being relational" for church last night, these thoughts came to mind. Pray with me that I--we--would drop all the bogus excuses and put faith, family, and friends on our to-do lists first. And then fill in the rest. Note: I love my job, and view it as a genuine calling from God, and am so very grateful for it. But it does not trump faith, family, and friends on my priority list. I hope 2 things: (a) that I am a professor at WCU for a long, long time to come, and (b) that that job never gets in the way of faith, family, and friends. It doesn't now, in case you're wondering. In fact, one of the many wonderful things about my job is that I am actively encouraged to work on my faith and to place priority on my family & on my community.

Here's my fearless prediction: on your deathbed, you'll not find yourself thinking, "dadburn, I wish I hadn't spent so much time & energy with my spouse & my kids..."

For what it's worth...
Mike

p.s. - off to Oxford today to take the rest of James' stuff (can you say "the Clampetts"?) and especially to see his "white coat" ceremony tonight signifying the official beginning of pharmacy school student-dom. Back home tomorrow. And I'm feeling better & better each day. Thanks for asking! *smile*

2008-08-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

Well, let's see what's been going on this week...

1. James left for Oxford yesterday
Pharmacy school orientation all day Thursday & Friday, with the white coat ceremony Thursday night. (All of those starting pharm school take their oath and are then presented with their embroidered white pharmacist coats). He got up there yesterday late afternoon/early evening and will spend today setting up furniture & his computer & such.

2. Anne starts her senior year of HS today
Which, of course, means next year we'll be shipping off both of our kidlings. I'm very excited for Anne. I'm rather less excited for me. Seems it was just a couple of days ago that my toddler daughter would announce that she's "Daddy's gull" and wanting so badly to know how to read. Now, here she is, in her last year in my house. (dadburn allergies...*smile*)

Both James & Anne are excited about their respective years. And I'm excited for them. Really, I am. It's just that I toss in a good measure of self-pity with my excitement. Watching one's babies grow up is a totally awesome experience! Those of you with little bitty ones are in for some times that are greater than you have imagined. But growing up also means growing out of the house. That's the part that brings self-pity for me.

Note: even with a whining, self-pitying moment like now, it's still one of the great joys of my life to see my children grow up. And yes, even to see the "growing out" part.

3. On the medical front...
Feeling better each day. Yesterday, though, I did sleep more than planned. I blame three things: a) I did more Sunday than any day since I've been back & was tired, b) we had a large quantity of rain most of the day, and c) James' puppy insisted that I nap with him. (We're taking Beau the puppy to Oxford Thursday). But I can see progress. Just tired now & then, plus "itchy" much of the time.

One week from today is the big appointment out at MDA. One week from yesterday is the day-long re-staging scans out there. I expect my nights sleep to deteroriate as those days draw near. "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief..."

4. Cheeseburger Classic
Even in the rain, I thoroughly enjoyed being part of the 1st "Cheeseburger Classic" golf tourney & dinner in celebration of the life and memory of my buddy Jason Weathers who passed a little over a month ago. (It was also a fund raiser for the education of his three young children, btw...for more info on being part of that funding, click the link to the upper left of this page) My golf game is not for public consumption even when there's not any rain; so I didn't play golf yesterday. *smile* But the dinner & silent auction was great, and hanging with so many friends was wonderful. In the midst of everything, I even got to hang out with Jason's wife Stephanie a bit, which is always a pleasant time.

So, there's the news so far this week. Forgive my "I'm getting old" ponderings here...the rapid passage of parental time is much on my mind lately.

Thanks so much for your prayers & acts of service toward us! Please keep 'em coming.

With love and hope,
Mike

"Let us not forsake the assembling together..."

2008-08-09T18:56:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how exciting it is to me to be preparing to head back to church for the first time in a month or more! Podcast technology is wonderful, but a TBC sermon on podcast while on the road in the wilds of S. LA does not even come close to the same sermon live in the presence of so many wonderful saints of God. Similarly, TV re-broadcast is nice, but TBC worship watched from my couch is just not the same as TBC worship live & in person.

And if you are a male, I apologize in advance. Here in just a short while, I'm expecting I'll embarrass every last one of you with the many tears I'll shed. Actually, come to think of it, I apologize not at all. But be forewarned of the potential...

I'm looking forward to the whole deal. Hugs from friends who have been carrying us along on the wings of their prayers as they have stormed heaven on our behalf...teaching Sunday School to my friends--man, how I have missed that!...songs of praise and thanksgiving...the view from the tech booth...hearing the Word proclaimed so excellently...and perhaps seeing lives transformed by that Word. I'm showing up with a cup already full from the many ways God has shown Himself to me since I was last there. And I'm planning on Him overflowing it. Can't wait!

I fully & confidently expect that this morning's worship & SS @ TBC will celebrate the presence of my Lord, Who opts to visit with us Sunday after Sunday. It will not--and should not--be about a man or a woman. (not even my favorite bald-headed, goatee-wearing pastor!) Nor about the incredible musical talent on stage. Nor about "singing my favorite songs." Nor about "making me happy" or "doing it the way I like." The day a worship service or SS class becomes about anything other than the Lord and His Word is the day the focus has been severely misplaced...and the day that church is preparing to experience the glory of the Lord departing from the place. *shudders*

I'm so thankful that long before I was born, God chose to place His hand on a group starting a church in Hattiesburg, MS. 5th Avenue B.C., which became Temple B.C. was an awesome fellowship long, long before I arrived. Long before any particular preacher or music person or SS teacher arrived. And, should the Lord tarry, and should He keep His hand on us, Temple B.C. will--by the grace of God--be a wonderful, biblical, relational, missional, global church long after I'm gone. TBC is so totally not about me--or any other single individual--that it's not even funny! Which is, of course, as it should be.

There are so very many churches like that. The hand of God is utterly not limited to one church. May it never be, Lord! Thankfully, He is moving in awesome ways in churches all across the planet. It's my hope that your church is one of those in which He shows up!

Like the Christian life itself, the Christian church is NOT about me. Or you. It's about the One Who created us, Who calls us, Who redeems us, Who forgives us, Who reveals Himself to us, and Who chooses to use us for His glory and for His purposes. May we all remember that, and help our churches remember that! Indeed, it is our utter and complete inadequacy in & of ourselves that makes the grace of God poured out in & through us so very amazing.

Celebrate that with me today, won't you?

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

With love, hope, appreciation, and anticipation,
Mike

Brief Update

2008-08-09T14:40:00.000-07:00

As I put on my facebook page, I am living the excellent old Chicago song: "Feelin' stronger every day...ya know I'm alright, yeeeaaaahh..." *grin*

A remarkable thing just happened. Both James & Anne, plus the 2 dogs, were asleep here in the living room, while I was awake! (OK...so I had already had a short snooze with James' puppy Beau earlier...Still, though...) I really am feeling much better each day. Which means....

*drum roll*

I will be back @ church tomorrow morning, and teaching Sunday School too!! I can't tell you how excited I am about this! By my count, I've not been to church on Sunday morning in either 4 or 5 weeks, which is a looooooong time for me. I'm hoping the folks in my SS class are, well, still in my SS class! *smile*

It's a pretty safe bet that I'll have to promptly come home and nap, but then, that's true most Sundays even without having been to IL-2-land.

Yesterday, I went on a fairly serious Walmart run with Mom, then to lunch with a buddy & also walked around church doing Sunday School stuff, then drove to Columbia to pick up some furniture for James' apt. So, I'm making progress on the tired-ness front. However, I walked up some one floor of stairs at church, which really hammered home how hard IL-2 cycles are on one's cardiovascular fitness. (answer: very hard!)

Still fairly "itchy," and still just a small amount of fluid left that won't seem to go away.

But all in all, I'm way, way farther along than, say, Tuesday.

Thanks for your continued prayers! I'll never be able to repay the prayers and deeds of so many. But my Lord sees and knows and rewards.

Thanks again!

Love and hope,
Mike

p.s. - hard to believe that it's only 10 days until we find out whether this has worked, is working, or is not working...

You Know You've Just Finished a Week of High-Dose Immunotherapy If...

2008-08-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

...you can change your shoe size by walking 2 laps about a McDonald's parking lot

...those same 2 laps make you have to take a nap

...you say "Honey I had a revelation while waking up from my nap" and it's not yet 7:00 a.m.

...you say "No thanks, I don't want a donut; I'll just have some more Gatorade."

...your lunch bill is cheaper than your wife's

...you're using a gas station restroom in south LA, & you wonder for a moment where the output measuring devices are

...you wake up thinking "Cool, I slept through morning vitals & lab sticks" only to realize you're not in the hospital any more

...you say "It's only a small hurricane; we can blast on thru the outer rain bands...besides, my wife's driving"

...you don't mind being around a large number of LSU fans because this means you're only 2 1/2 hours away from home.

...you get pretty excited because you think you may have dropped another pound of excess fluid weight.

...the biggest challenge you face in planning your upcoming week is how soon you'll be able to stay awake for an entire Lord of the Rings movie. (note: based on yesterday, "Wednesday" is a bit too soon...I completely missed the fall of Osgiliath and the entmoot. *sigh*)

...you've gotten pretty good at the very important skill of scratching your entire back in public.

...you realize anew that you've been absolutely living on the prayers of many people taking heaven by storm on your behalf, and just seeing some of those people brings tears of gratitude to your eyes.

...you're like a child just before Christmas over getting back into church this Sunday, while at the same time realizing that there is no chance of you making it through the worship service nor the Sunday School time without the shedding of many tears. And you're not really the slightest bit worried about this virtual certainty.

Note: every single one of those (well, except the last one, which is anticipated) is based on actual occurences this week. Lisa & I had several laughs on the way back Monday compiling this list.

I'm feeling like today is going to be a bit better than yesterday. And yesterday--as expected--was better than Tuesday. I still can manage slow-walking just to the stop sign at the end of the street & back...a distance of about 2/10 of a mile. And I still will need to lie down after my walk. But the naps are shorter, and I generally have more energy. I'm rather confident that I might feel normal in another week or so! Can't wait!

Thanks so much for your prayers and acts of service for us! We are grateful and humbled.

With love and hope,
Mike

Immunotherapy = Hitting Yourself on the Head with a Hammer

2008-08-05T16:49:00.000-07:00

This is actually a co-authored post. In a sort of gallows-humor season during round one 2 weeks ago, my brother Jim & I percolated out loud on this together, just laughing ourselves silly in the process. Lisa was slightly less amused...*grin*

The basic idea was this: How is immunotherapy like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer? Surprisingly, as you'll see, the two are very similar...

--It feels simply marvelous when you stop

--If you do it long enough, it begins to hurt just a bit less

--You won't truly appreciate how bad it hurts until you stop

--Similarly, you won't really appreciate how great it feels to stop if you never start

--It gives a great perspective: for example, your feet feel much better while hitting yourself on the head with a hammer (I haven't worried about my sore arches once in the past 4 weeks!)

--Paying someone else a considerable amount of money to hit you on the head with a hammer makes the whole experience somehow less...troublesome to ponder.

--If, prior to beginning the process of getting hit on the head with a hammer, you are given, say, 15 helmets, you just know the hammer is gonna hurt. Bad. (I was prescribed 17 seperate drugs just for side effects in my admission orders!)

--If it requires more than one or two highly-trained professionals to properly show you how to hit yourself on the head with a hammer, you better strap in, because this one's gonna hurt! So far, I've had 15 highly trained & specialized medical types be part of this week's festivities. And that's just the ones who have physically been in the room!

--To properly hit yourself on the head with a hammer requires considerable skill, dedication, planning, and effort. So don't just randomly start flailing away with the nearest hammer; seek a trained professional!

So, you see, ladies & gents, there really are a number of direct parallels between hitting yourself on the head with a hammer and high-dose IL-2 immunotherapy. Just so you know...

I know what you're thinking right now; you're thinking, "there's 5 minutes of life I'll never get back..." Precisely. But I'll not apologize, for just remember: you could have been hitting yourself on the head with a hammer while reading...*rimshot*

I hereby promise that the next post will have some actual useful content in it. Maybe.

Seriously, thanks much for your love, friendship, and prayers. It is exactly those that enable me to laugh right here in the ICU room while recovering from getting hit in the head with a hammer...Laughter in the midst of the battle is an indispensable tool!

With love, hope, and a chuckle,
Mike

p.s. - I'm still not feeling very good, but as this day has worn on, I now feel somewhat more hopeful that I will feel better in the future. Last night and this morning, I was not so sure about ever feeling better...*sigh*

Home at Last

2008-08-04T16:07:00.000-07:00

Think of every cool song lyric that speaks fondly of home. Now sing every one of those songs. Don't you feel better? You're welcome! *grin*

I type at a few minutes after 6 on Monday night. From the comfort of home. In fact, I'm blogging under the influence right now...of a 2-hour power nap on our living room floor (James' puppy helped with this) and of my 1st complete shower since last Monday! (Note to all concerned: I have actually bathed since then, so don't be scared. Just haven't stood under a glorious shower)

Today's was a fair uneventful trip. (Of course, I can't drive yet...) The hurricane was a total non-issue for us. Sunny weather & no clouds all the way through east TX & south LA. (Of course, a frog-strangling rainstorm landed on us right as we got near home. But we didn't care.)

Progress on the melting-face front too. I held the door open for a family @ our lunch stop in Baton Rouge, & Lisa said after "see? Your face didn't scare those little boys..." *smile*

Tired is the one-word description of now. About to go walk around the yard a time or two, which will require all of the oomph I can muster. And I'll probably have to nap after. Oh well...

Anyway, just wanted everyone to know that we're home. Thanks so very much for your continued prayers!

With love & hope,
Mike

p.s. - if you didn't already, go read the hilarious comment from my long-time fraternity buddy on the previous post. Thanks, GTO...I needed the chuckle, as did my family...

2008-08-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

At the moment, my face looks sort like a cross between this...
and this...

With a hint of the wicked witch's "I'm melting...melting...." thrown in.

Come to think of it, the hands are pretty close to mine in the second one (Gimli) too. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal looks (whatever those are...) in the near future.

Keep in mind, boys & girls, that's from the treatment, not the disease...so, yeah...*sigh*

On the gigantic plus side though, we are heading toward H'burg this morning!! Yaaaaahoooooooo!! Plus, my 1st waking sensation this morning was not being stuck with a needle! By my count, I was stuck 42 times this week, averaging a smooth 6 sticks per day...And some of you probably made it through the whole week without getting stuck once with a needle! *grin*

Other than looking rather between "rode hard & put up wet" and "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's face & hands? 'Hush, honey...it's not polite to stare..." I'm OK. Feel just merely very exhausted, which will get better by the day this week. Weight-wise, remember in round 1 when I dropped all the wt in a couple of days? Well, apparently that doesn't happen every time either; I've still got about half of it to go, though the trend is in the rt. direction. Thanks to all who were secure enough in their faith to pray for my bodily functions! Keep those coming for another day or two too, if you would.

Please pray for safe travel home...apparently, there's this tropical storm between here (Houston area) and home. But what do I care? I'm not able to drive any! *sad smile* Seriously, your prayers today--esp for Lisa!--are most welcome.

And know that we are absolutely thrilled to be rolling homeward!

As Grand Funk sang back in the late 60s, "I'm getting closer to my home...I'm getting closer to my hooooooome...Yeahyeah..."

With a grateful heart,
Mike

Closer to Home...

2008-08-04T03:56:00.001-07:00

At the moment, my face looks sort like a cross between this... and this...

With a hint of the wicked witch's "I'm melting...melting...." thrown in.

Come to think of it, the hands are pretty close to mine in the second one (Gimli) too. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal looks (whatever those are...) in the near future.

Keep in mind, boys & girls, that's from the treatment, not the disease...so, yeah...*sigh*

On the gigantic plus side though, we are heading toward H'burg this morning!!

Yaaaaahoooooooo!! Plus, my 1st waking sensation this morning was not being stuck with a needle! By my count, I was stuck 42 times this week, averaging a smooth 6 sticks per day...And some of you probably made it through the whole week without getting stuck once with a needle! *grin*

Other than looking rather between "rode hard & put up wet" and "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's face & hands? 'Hush, honey...it's not polite to stare..." I'm OK. Feel just merely very exhausted, which will get better by the day this week.

Weight-wise, remember in round 1 when I dropped all the wt in a couple of days? Well, apparently that doesn't happen every time either; I've still got about half of it to go, though the trend is in the rt. direction. Thanks to all who were secure enough in their faith to pray for my bodily functions! Keep those coming for another day or two too, if you would.

Please pray for safe travel home...apparently, there's this tropical storm between here (Houston area) and home. But what do I care? I'm not able to drive any! *sad smile* Seriously, your prayers today--esp for Lisa!--are most welcome.

And know that we are absolutely thrilled to be rolling homeward!

As Grand Funk sang back in the late 60s, "I'm getting closer to my home...I'm getting closer to my hooooooome...Yeahyeah..."

With a grateful heart,
Mike

Clouds

2008-08-03T04:48:00.000-07:00

I've always loved looking at clouds & the sky. (Growing up on the water helps that love!)

Recently, we've had some marvelous clouds & sun interaction around H'burg. Here's an observation I've had a couple of times lately looking at the clouds rolling in bringing afternoon rains. Think of the darkest, scariest clouds you've encountered. Fearsome. Unsettling. Unnerving. Plain ol' scary. And sometimes the storms burst upon you. And even cause destruction. In such times, it's easy to forget that the same summer sun is still there. Even when you can't see it, nor feel it. Even when the clouds may cause you to wonder if that sun will ever shine again. It will. I assure you, it will. You should bank on that, not because you read it here; rather, because of Him Who promised to never destroy the earth again by flood.

I initially wrote this the Saturday before the 1st course of IL-2 began. I had planned to post it during that week. But the clouds boiled over into a full-blown storm that resulted in the passing of a great friend into glory. Let's try again, shall we? (note: I've edited this a time or two...or 6...since the initial--right now, for example, it's Sunday at 7:00 a.m., and I'm on the back side of IL-2 round 2. Those clouds are beginning to break up...)

It's now Monday evening at 9:30 p.m., and we're in the ICU. As of a few minutes ago, I am hooked up to various apparati to monitor most everything. Freedom is gone...*sigh* We've spent most of today @ MDA, which means storm clouds on most people's horizons around us. Now, I'm in the ICU seeing the clouds begin to boil directly around me. And a storm's coming. Beginning tomorrow morning. But here's the thing to remember, and to pray for me to remember. Above the clouds, there is my Lord, ruling and reigning over the entire universe. Including the clouds of IL-2 and melanoma. And whatever clouds are hanging over you at the moment. Just as surely as the sun still shines beyond the clouds of a summer storm when it can't be seen, He is there. Jehovah Shammah...the Lord Who is Present. Hallelujah! More surely than the sun's shining, actually, for He caused the sun to begin to shine, and will one day render its shining irrelevant:

And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Rev. 22:5

Let's pray for each other to look past our situations to the One Who filters it all through His loving hands. And Who enables us to hold up under the strain. Jehovah Shammah.

"Let the dark clouds rise...let the storm winds blow...there is safety, there is comfort in Your arms....Jesus...You are faithful...You are able...You are strong..." That's a song we sing on occasion in church.

Thanks for your prayers for me right now! Please remember Lisa as she's facing these clouds too. Plus, James & Anne have to look thru these clouds from 7 1/2 hours away. And Mom & Jim & his family from farther away yet.

With Love and Hope,
Mike

p.s. - a great friend posted this in a comment yesterday:

Heidelberg Catechism Q & A 1.

Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?

A. That I am not my own,but belong—body and soul,in life and in death—to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him,Christ, by his Holy Spirit,assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.

This type stuff means a lot more, I'm sure, in a situation like yours.

(back to Mike) Yes it does, Norman. How very much we take for granted in terms of core theology, consigning it to the realm of "pastor stuff" or whatever. And how very vital that core theology about God and salvation and redemption and providence and such becomes when the clouds gather!

God, forgive me for pushing Your Word and Your ways into a nice, tidy corner and leaving them there most of the time totally untouched. Grant that I would delve deeply into You at all times and not just when my way is obscured by clouds. Forgive us all for outsourcing things theological to our pastors or favorite authors. Help us say with Paul, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Father, may our very beings erupt in this same sort of praise and wonder and adoration regularly as we ponder daily anew Your work and Your Person. Maranatha!

p.p.s. - "When peace like a river attendeth my way...when sorrows, like sea billows, roll...whatever my lot, You have taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul..." (written by Horatio Spafford on the occasion of the passing of his daughters in a shipwreck; re-read that--the passing of his daughters...can there be a greater tragedy? And yet, how many times have we sung "it is well with my soul" on absentminded autopilot??)

p.p.p.s. - Thanks Norman, for the reminder that sparks these ramblings. See you at some football games this Fall, Lord willing.

The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

2008-08-02T10:43:00.001-07:00

Good afternoon, Amigos!

Today's prayer request is very simple & straightforward. And perhaps a bit disturbing to some.

The Bad
I need to offload a significant amount of fluid today. Right now, I'm probably in the 15-20 pound range. (meaning, I'm up about that much) There's the disturbing prayer request.

The Good
The reason for the request above is, we've been told by Dr. Hwu (female...not the same guy as last time, and no relation) that she'd like to ship us outta here tomorrow! But, in order for that to happen, see "disturbing prayer request" above.

The Ugly
Well, that's me. All the time, but especially at fightin' wt. + 28 lbs, as I was Thursday.

Thanks for praying for us! I hope this prayer is not too disturbing to your theology...

With love & hope,
Mike

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER, 2008...sigh

2008-08-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Hey, All,
I was just struck by the though that you have entered into my journey at various points in it. Thus, I thought a recap of the whole deal might be useful to some.

Nov. 05 - initial diagnosis of malignant melanoma from a mole on my back. 4 sep surgeries at same time: massive hole created in back around mole, sentinel lymph nodes removed from under each arm, skin graft from left thigh into back. Cancer Free was diagnosis from all of that.

Between then & now - regular visits to my excellent oncologist in H'burg & to dermatologist there. CT scans every 6 months.

January 08 - routine ct scan finds 3 spots on my lungs. A vast array of medical tests follows:
multiple CTs, brain MRI (which did, in fact, reveal that I do have one of those), xrays, echocardiogram (which revealed that I have one of those too!), 2 different needle biopsies (there's a good time...a needle being slowly jammed into your lung...with no anesthesia...got to do 2 of thosebad boys...),...
Then in May, Dr. B. referred me to MDA for a consult. Note: I've long believed that one mark of a good Dr. is enough humility to ask for a 2nd opinion himself!

(what follows are descriptions of each of our trips out here; I can't keep all the dates straight)
1st week in May - initial appt. w/ Dr. Homsi out here. He's a medical melanoma specialist, not to be confused w/ the surgical melanoma folks here, nor with the dermatology folks here...specialization is good in this bidness! Dr. H's lab guy suspects this is adenocarcinoma. Thus, I get instantly referred to Dr. Kim in that dept.

appt. w/ Dr. Kim; he suggests a radical surgerical procedure called VATS - video-assisted thorascopic (something); this is scheduled for the next week, and will (a) diagnose and (b) remove a fair amount of my disease.

VATS Surgery performed by Dr. Mehran. Removes 3 spots from left lung; diagnosis is very clear: metastatic melanoma - total bummer! There's not much good news when melanoma returns like this.

Followup with Dr. Homsi. He lays out several options, and then recommends high-dose IL-2. This trtmt protocol offers a small chance of very good news. When it works, those folks tend to livr tumor-free for years & years. ("Lord, I want to be in that number...")

round 1 of high-dose IL-2 @ MDA. I made it thru 6 doses, which is about avg. Zero fun, sir!

2 weeks of R & R at home. Then this week. See "Zero fun, Sir!" But, I made it to doses this time. It's quite unusual for one to go farther on dose 2 than dose 1.

For future possibilities, see my post of 7/28; scroll to bottom under "long range possibilities."

Whoomp, there it is...I thought you know...*grin*

7 is the number, and the number shall be 7...;

2008-07-31T16:03:00.000-07:00

7 it is. Blood chemistry + decreased kidney function + shallow breathing were the stop signs.

So, now more demerol this go 'round. w00t!

Today was a tough day. Prolly the worst yet. I'll spare details, but just know it was yucky on many levels.

Thanks for interceding for is today...it was badly needed, and is greatly appreciated! Now the immediate prayer is for quick & symptom reversal. (fluid wt loss, skin to no not itch so bad, sleep to regulate itself, etc.)

Then, you could pray that we can leace sooner. Saturday would be great...Suday too.

Of course, don't forget the huge prayer request...on August 19, Dr. H. tells me I'm cancer free.

With much love and great hope,
Mike

6 down...7 enroute!

2008-07-31T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hey, Gang!
#6 on board as scheduled at 1:00 this morning. And...*drum roll*...just heard rt then that I will be receiving #7!! Breaking my own record....Yay!

I feel not so completely terrible this morning. (whivh is entirely different from "feeling good"...) I basically slept most of Tuesday and Wed. The med for chills this time is Demerol. Demerol = sleepy time for Mike. Also, I've "only" gained 18 pounds so far...*sigh*

Not sure how many more doses. They redo bloodwork & re-examine me before each one to see where I am. I'm thinking this 7th one is the one that's going to kick this melanoma in the teeth & send it on outta here....(prayer point there).

Thanks for all the comments & emails. Some of y'all need to sleep more, methinks...*smile*

OK, off to see the wizard. Please remember Lisa, James, Anne, Mom, & Jim & his tribe in your prayers. And thanks so much for mentioning us so often in the throneroom.

Love & hope,
Mike

p.s. - the Eagles said it best: "Wowooo, I'm out on the border...wowoo, I'm walking the line..." (funny what song lyrics pop into mind, isn't it?)

QUICK UPDATE

2008-07-29T16:17:00.001-07:00

Hi, All,

It's 6:15 Tuesday evening as I come to you live from MDA's ICU. *faint applause, as at a golf tourney*

As I write, I'm an hour into dose #2 of this cycle of high-dose IL-2. So far, I just generally feel like (something not good). Pretty much flu-ish. Tired, a bit achy, no energy, but thus far, no major symptoms. (w00t!) The Dr. I saw this morning is Dr. Hwu...but this one's female & isn't related to the Dr. Hwu I saw last time. Of course, Jessie the *excellent* nurse practitioner is back, which is comforting. (Aside: I found out today that she loves to catch and eat Spanish mackeral...James & I caught some just last Friday. Comparing fishing lures & tactics with an incredibly-skilled & specialized female nurse practitioner in an ICU room just prior to dose 1 of high-dose IL-2 = utterly priceless! Very cool grace note for me...)

Dose 3 should come on board around 1:00 in the morning, assuming the side effects stay somewhat under control.

Thanks so much for the prayers!! We're living on them. Please keep 'em coming these next few days. And of course, the macro request is that this stuff would work and kick this melanoma in the teeth and make it go away...

In related news, I only watched a bit of my favorite part of Shark Week last night. I refer, of course, to "The Flying Sharks of South Africa." Way cool stuff, but I decided I didn't need any Great White Shark-related nightmares & went over to sportscenter instead...I'm hacked to discover that the Shark Week shows aren't being rerun all thru the day. Lisa is...not hacked at this discovery. *smile* Last time, I subjected her to about 4 straight hours of Deadliest Catch; she's a good woman...

OK, gotta run get ready for my spaghetti & meatballs that should arrive any minute.

Thanks again for the prayers. And thanks for the emails that made us laugh and cry. Very encouraging stuff! To email here, see 2 posts ago. *points down*

Love and hope,
Mike

p.s. - specifically, hoping for some symptom-free sleep tonight...and of course the big hope of healing...

p.p.s. - want to see how broad one man's influence is? Read Leslie Gonce's incredible comment to the previous post. Chill-bump material for me on my Dad's influence (thru a simple business card!) long after his passing.

20 years ago today...

2008-07-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

...I became a father for the first time when James B. Madaris arrived in Terre Haute, IN. And I will never be the same again, praise God!

When he arrived, he was the length of my forearm. Now, he's a tad over 6'1". Then, he was totally helpless & dependent on his Mother and me. Now, he's a man of great strength, resourcefulness, intelligence, character, and vision. He's a much bigger, stronger, smarter, and better-looking version of me.

He starts pharmacy school this Fall, having been accepted as a freshman into the early-entry program at Ole Miss. (recessive science gene to go along with the recessive size & strength gene...) 50 started in his class; 30-something remain. James has a clear calling to serve as a pharmacist. He's long been wired as a servant. Even his football days were marked by servanthood. Left tackle...one of the most invisible positions on the field, until that guy messes up. Then, it's a very visible position. Tackles protect the quarterback on passing plays, and blow open holes for running backs on running plays. Good tackles get satisfaction out of watching others succeed and creating opportunities for them to do so. Servanthood.

John once wrote this: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 4) I can't think of a greater joy myself. There's something right...dare I say, holy?...about watching one's son become a godly man. In my case, a better man than I. In fact, I find myself--the knucklehead--sandwiched between generations of male excellence; my father was and my son now is a man I'd like to be. But by the grace of God, I am what I am. I'm not called to be James E. Madaris (Dad), nor am I called to be James B. Madaris (son). I'm called to be the son of the one and the father of the other. Both incredible privileges...and awesome responsibilities. The jury is still out on how I'm doing at both. But I'm still working at it.

Join me in praying that I can fulfill both generations of responsibility, won't you? Not all societal problems are easily fixed; but many would evaporate if we Dads would step up and invest in the lives of our children. Siring a child is nothing special. It certainly doesn't make one a man (regardless of what our culture may say...both U.S. culture, and Lamar County culture celebrate the siring while ignoring the responsibility and difficulty of daddying...). Nor does it automatically endow clues. Being a Daddy, on the other hand, is one of life's great challenges, joys, and callings. Any biologically healthy male can sire a child; being an excellent Daddy, however,...well, only an ever-diminishing few can pull that off. My Dad did an amazing job. I'm still a work in process, counting on my son's innate giftedness and the grace of God to fill in the many gaps.

On the back of every business card he gave out for Madaris Printing & Office Supplies, Dad had this poem printed. An excellent and awesome display of his priorities. And a great word for a son he left behind at 15 and a grandson he never met but yet dreamed about. And I guarantee, one that he'd be proud of.

THE LITTLE CHAP WHO FOLLOWS ME
A careful man, I have to be;
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he'll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes;
Whatever he sees me do, he tries.
Like me, he says he's going to be,
That little chap that follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me, he must not see;
The litte chap who follows me.

I must remember, as I go
Through summer's sun and winter's snow,
I'm building for the years to be,
The little chap that follows me.

Happy Birthday, James! You have so richly blessed this old man's fatherly heart in countless ways these past 20 years. Press on, my son. My buddy. Wish I were there today to help celebrate with you. Know that you're in my thoughts, dude. See you soon. Thanks for going to the beach with me last week; I had a blast hanging w/ you, as always!

I love you!
Dad

p.s. - I hope your Rebels go 11-1 this Fall! *huge grin*

===========================================
Now the medical stuff...
--long day yesterday; bloodwork, Dr. visit, PICC installation, followup xray, followup appt., much thumb-twiddling in between.
--admitted at 8:00 p.m. (yay!); got to room at 9:30
--not the most restful night's sleep ever...*smile*
--melanoma team rounds at 9:00 a.m.; dose 1 should be shortly thereafterre

long-range stuff:
--back out here Aug. 18 for re-staging
--3 possibilities there:
1) scans show cancer is gone - We're done!!
2) scans show cancer is responding/shrinking, but still present - this would entail another cycle of high-dose IL-2; 2 weeks of trtmt, 2 weeks apart (like this one)
3) scans show no response and/or tumor has grown and/or spread - total bummer! No more IL-2; other options would be discussed
Obviously, option #1 is the preferred one, and is the biggie prayer request!

Remarkably, an email was delivered yesterday while we were in Dr. Homsi's office! Not yet admitted to the hospital, and still they tracked us down. That particular email included an invitation...wait for it...to go sky-diving this Fall! I think sky-diving is one of those things I'd love to have done, without actually having to do it. Still, an awesome email from a good friend...and one to ponder...

OK, gotta go track down a Belgian waffle...*smile*

Showtime shortly. Prayers most welcome!

With love and hope,
Mike

The Schedule FYI

2008-07-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

Monday
1. 9:00 a.m. - bloodwork (note the time: Houston rush hour, here we come! *sigh*)
2. Appt. w/ Dr. Homsi after bloodwork (time uncertain; last time there were many dozen people waiting to have blood drawn)
3. PICC line installation after appt. w/ Dr. Homsi - this involves a cart ride along the walkway because it's very far from the MDA clinic complex
4. Twiddle thumbs & wait...a fair amount of the afternoon & early evening
5. 11:00 p.m. - admission to ICU (that's not a typo; 11:00 in the evening...normally, I'm approaching REM-cycle sleep by 11:00...oh well)

Tuesday
1st bloodwork will be drawn around 4:30 - 5:00 a.m. - What a special way to start one's day!
1st IL-2 dose should be hung on my IV pole at 9:00 (ish) a.m.
2nd dose should be hung around 5:00 p.m.
3rd dose should be hung around 1:00 a.m. (which, of course, makes it Wednesday)

(repeat as much as possible, up to 14 doses max)

Each dose takes about 15 minutes for the small bag to empty. Blood will drawn prior to each dose. I've never particularly minded getting stuck, but this will be about 6 times a day. Which doesn't count the PICC line sticks. (Thanks to a nice bluefish, I went ahead & got started w/ the sticking part Friday; that sucker flipped one more time, thereby jamming a hook rather deep into my thumb. I showed him though...I threw him off the pier).

As you pray--and thank you so much for doing so!!--please remember Lisa, who will be there through every pound of fluid gain, every bag hung on the IV pole, every shiver, every degree of fever, every 5:00 a.m. blood drawing, every conversation w/ the nurses & Drs., and whatever other side effects show up this time. Hers will not be a restful week. Please pray for Lisa to be able to sleep/rest as much as possible this week.

For those inclined to email us there, here's a refresher on how to do that. They print these out & bring them to our room a couple of times a day. And the emails are outstanding pick-me-ups for both of us! As before, no obligation at all...just a reminder should you be so inclined.
--go to mdanderson.org
--click on "current patients" on the left
--scroll down to "message to a patient" and click on it
--My info: Mike Madaris...male, last time I checked...May sixteen, nineteen fifty nine (young, thank you very much!)...my number is 747231

Lisa and/or James will be updating here now & then this week. Thanks again for praying!

"We are the broken, You are the healer..."

With Love and Hope,
Mike

Once more into the breach...

2008-07-27T04:59:00.000-07:00

Well...here we are. Time for round 2 of high-dose IL-2. Um...yippie...or something...

This afternoon, Lisa & I head out to Houston for the 17th time this summer. (OK, not really 17th...7th, actually. All since the 1st week of May. I'm thinking of registering my cars out there & applying for Astros season tickets...*sigh*)

This time, though some things will be different:
--we'll know what to expect (this is mostly good...right? right??)
--I'll definitely ask for a double-port PICC line up front this time. Having 2 PICCs installed in 24 hours is not as much fun as it sounds...
--Assuming things stay on sched, dose 3 & dose 6 would be at 1:00 a.m. Last time, for the one dose @ 1:00 a.m., I never even woke up, nor did I have any symptoms. So, that could be helpful, were the pattern to continue.
--I'll know to hit the nurse call button immediately when the 1st hint of chills shows up. (or any other side effects, for that matter)
--most important, it's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel! *and the crowd roars* Watching sharks in action will be a great reminder to me that it could be worse. Lisa is not nearly as excited about Shark Week as I...*grin* BTW, James & I saw one in the wild off the pier @ Orange Beach Friday. Very cool. And just a tad scary, even though we were standing on a pier at the time...

Early scouting reports about round 2 experiences are mixed. On the one hand, knowing what to expect on our part and on the medical folks' part may help. On the other hand, it seems that dose 1 "trains" the immune system to "turn on" sooner, so some patients don't get as far. The bottom line is, by the sustaining grace of my God and through His answering of the prayers of so many of you, my friends, I'm planning to make as many doses as I can, whether 3, 5, 6, or 14.

So, what to pray? Pray as the Spirit guides, of course. Here are a few suggestions:
--for endurance for both Lisa and me
--for wisdom for all the medical personnel involved
--for as many doses as possible
--for the IL-2 to work!!
--for James & Anne back home
--for Mom in FL - she's having to walk this road with us; no mother wants to see her baby sick (and I am her baby, despite my advanced weight, I mean age...)
--for Jim & his fam in AL - he remembers round 1 well...and not very fondly!

It's our strong hope and prayer that in 3 weeks (counting this round 2 week), Dr. Homsi is telling us that it worked & there are no more tumors. In the midst of a yucky medical situation, there's still much to commend that hope. Keep in mind, though, that this is a very yucky medical situation. Metastatic melanoma is a nasty, nasty booger.

Right up at the top of that list of "hope commenders"...ruling over that list...is a loving God Who is totally able to heal completely! Sometimes He heals by totally supernatural means; "Rise, take up your mat, and walk." Sometimes, He heals by totally "natural" means, via surgeries (had one!) and immunotherapy (got that t-shirt!) and such. I'm not choosy; either of those would be great! Sometimes, though, He opts to calm and offer His presence enroute to what Wayne Watson calls "the ultimate healing." That is my ultimate goal & destination one day...and I hope and pray it's yours!...but I'm asking God to delay that one a bit in favor of one of the other 2.

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us...For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 8:18, 24-25

Thanks so much for your continued prayers and love during this bend in the road. We see the fingerprints of God all over you, and we are so very humbled and grateful. Celebrate His Presence and His work today, won't you?

With much love and great hope,
Mike

On Therapy

2008-07-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

There are various types of therapies available. (best Bubba delivery from Forrest Gump) There's psychotherapy...aromatherapy...shock therapy...physical therapy...plastic therapy - the spending of $$ on a credit card to make one feel better...

And then, of course, there are the ones that are the language of Mordor, which will not be spoken here in Rivendell: chemo...and immuno...*shudders*

And then, of course, there's my favorite therapy: Beach Therapy. Jimmy Buffett calls it "time on the water." A time to re-focus and re-charge and rest. And to prepare for year one of pharmacy school and for round 2 of high-dose IL-2...*sigh*

Proper beach therapy requires the following:
--a beach (thank you, Captain Obvious)
--sand
--a place to stay near/on both of those
--seafood consumed in copious quantity ("cholesterol? What cholesterol? I'm at the beach!")
--total lack of organized schedule
--chilled out music (Everybody now: "Squalls out on the Gulf Stream...Big Storm's comin' soon...passed out in my hammock...I slept until way past noon...And now I must confess, I could use some rest...I can't run at this pace very long...Yes it's quite insane, I think it hurts my brain...but it cleans me out and then I can go on..." And this: "When you see the Southern Cross for the first time...you understand now why you came this way...and the truth you might be runnin' from is so small, but it's as big as the promise...the promise of another day...")

Don't take this the wrong way, but friends are actually optional for proper beach therapy. They're preferred, of course, but I've had some great therapy sessions all by myself. But the preference is for friends, or much better, family.

Fishing is also optional. A great addition to beach therapy if available, but not required for the full therapeutic effects.

Very shortly, James & I will head out toward Orange Beach for a couple of days of beach therapy. The fact that my favorite young man will be accompanying me for this particular round of beach therapy has already made this an awesome, well, "dose" of beach therapy. James turns 20 next week; I'll be in IL-2 land 7.5 hours away for his birthday, sadly. But let me tell you...I was there for his 1st breath, and have been there for all the subsequent 19 birthdays. What a joy it is, to watch one's son become a man! He is one whom I love and in whom I am well pleased. He's far smarter than I (recessive science gene, combined with recessive "focus & discipline" gene...)...plus he's far bigger & stronger than I (recessive size & strength gene)...much better looking...much more together at 20 than I was at (several birthdays past 20...*sigh*). And amazingly, he seems to really enjoy spending time with me, and seems to enjoy beach therapy as much as I do!

So, we'll be buying the temporary AL fishing licenses, for the place we're staying has a private pier from which we've caught sharks & redfish & Spanish/King mackeral in the past. the place is on the beach, so...check! We'll have our ipods, loaded with a wide variety of music. Everything from screaming metal to Miles Davis cool jazz. We'll consume the requisite amounts of seafood. We'll sit on the patio half awake and watch the sun rise & set while being totally hypnotized under the influence of the rhythm of the waves and the seafood and (hopefully) the rush of catching some big fish from the pier.

We'll talk of life, love, and other mysteries (thank you, Point of Grace, for that great phrase!). And dream together of life without IL-2 & without cancer...and will pray toward those particular ends. We'll analyze the upcoming college football season (btw, I have both of our schools at 7-5 or so, with upside potential to 10-2...should be fun!). And we'll dream together of life after pharmacy school (for him...I can't even spell "pharmacy school"...*grin*)

And Saturday afternoon, we should be as right as rain, just ahead of Sunday's journey back to the place out west for the purpose that shall not be named here.

And God should be pleased as 2 of His enjoy a trinitarian-esque delight in each other's company and in fellowship. (yeah...I did listen to 2 sermons ago by my favorite bald-headed preacher...)

Beach Therapy. Can't wait!

With love and hope,
Mike the Beach Bum

Joe Cocker sang it best...

2008-07-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

*sings* "Sevennnnn Days...seven more days..."

7 days from, well, right about now, Lisa & I will be in the MDA ICU awaiting the first dose of round 2 of high-dose IL-2. The magic bag should be hung around 9:00 a.m.

I'm very excited.

OK, I'm not excited at all, other than excitement about being one step closer to completing my oh-so-fun 2nd round of high-dose IL-2.

BTW, speaking of high-dose IL-2 and its effects, I seem to feel better by the day. Yesterday,I went in to the office and caught up (somewhat) on email & administrative stuff. I was there for 5 hours in a row. And I drove myself! *beams with pride* Progress...I'll take it!

Please pray for continued recovery, so that next week's round 2 will be as effective as possible. (And so that I can endure it all as well as possible...*sigh*)

Thanks much for your continued prayers, my friends. We are living on them these days.

From yesterday's reading in Isaiah 65:
I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for me;
I was ready to be found by those who did not seek me.
I said, “Here am I, here am I,” to a nation that was not called by my name.
I spread out my hands all the day to a rebellious people who walk in a way that is not good, following their own devices;...

(Mike says, Aren't you glad the grace of God seeks us & pursues us? I sure am, for I wasn't asking for Him, seeking Him, nor was I rightly called by His name, though I surely was rebellious when He gently drew me back on course.)

Behold, My servants shall eat...shall drink...shall rejoice...shall sing for gladness of heart...So that he who blesses himself in the land shall bless himself by the God of truth, and he who takes an oath in the land shall swear by the God of truth; because the former troubles are forgotten and are hidden from my eyes.
(13-14, 16)

(Mike says, Those promises specifically refer to Israel, but they are good to ponder when Providence doesn't smile, aren't they? Especially that bit about "the former troubles are forgotten...)

For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth, and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in that which I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem to be a joy, and her people to be a gladness.
I will rejoice in Jerusalem and be glad in my people; no more shall be heard in it the sound of weeping and the cry of distress.
No more shall there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not fill out his days, for the young man shall die a hundred years old...
They shall build houses and inhabit them; they shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit. They shall not build and another inhabit; they shall not plant and another eat;
for like the days of a tree shall the days of my people be, and my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands....
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.
(17-22)

(Mike says, well, Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!)

Again, thanks for the prayers. Let these few verses spoken about God's chosen people and about the future encourage you as your pray. Our God truly is an awesome God!

With Love and hope,
Mike

p.s. - there are other versions of the song I started with, but Joe Cocker's is the best. But then I pretty much thing his version of any song is the best. *pictures Joe singing "With a Little Help From My Friends" at Woodstock* *enjoys the image*

To the King

2008-07-20T20:14:00.001-07:00

As a musician & poet wanna-be, I've long believed that music & words have the power to capture things that regular words can't capture.

Around 1980, I discovered some music that absolutely connected with and fed my soul: the music of the group 2nd Chapter of Acts. Two sisters and a brother. Annie Herring is the oldest, and wrote most of the music. Nellie Ward was 2nd oldest. And then there was Matthew Ward. Matthew is about a year older than I (a young man, in other words...). Long, flowing blond hair. Slight build. And, oh my, what a voice!! Incredible tenor with an awesome range and a ton of soul. In my dreams, I’ve never had his range nor his soul. (And in my dreams, I’m pretty talented! *smile*). Second Chapter of Acts played with Keith Green--another hero of mine, Phil Keaggy (a guitar hero), Barry McGuire, Michael Omartian, and others. Like contemporary Christian music? Then thank the people listed here, for they pioneered it.

Lisa & I saw 2nd Chapter in concert around 1982 or so in Birmingham in a very crucial—and uncertain—time in my spiritual walk. I expected them to be incredible; “incredible” is not enough of a word to use. Awesome, in the sense of “awesome” before we applied it to pizza. To be struck with awe. Yeah, that’s pretty close. He fired up his song “Till The Walls Fall Down” from his solo album; “I’m gonna praise you ‘till the walls fall down…” over a most excellent rock groove. And of course, his stuff with his sisters was marvelous. Safe to say that the Lord showed up that night. At least in the life of an uncertain U. of Alabama student who was wondering whether to return to the God of his father and of his youth, and who wondered whether good rock could fit into a Christian worldview. (It can indeed, if you’re still wondering about that…)

A personal highlight for me is that after the show, they hung around & greeted those of us hardcore enough to stick around. I got to speak with Matthew, and even got a picture taken with him.

Some years later, 2nd Chapter of Acts released a couple of CDs called simply “Hymns” and “Hymns II.” Among our all-time favorite CDs. Like hymns & worship songs? Then check these collections out.

Fast forward some years. Matthew has a nice solo career, plus producing & singing some backup. (for example, on Leann Rimes’ “Blue”). He’s diagnosed with not one, but three different forms of cancer at the same time. A 2-year battle ensued, including surgery, chemo, the whole gamut. Matthew Ward captures his thoughts in a journal. Then, one day, he decides to explore the very core of his theology in poetic form while under the gun of chemo and the cloud of cancer. He shares his thoughts with his sister Annie. She asks if she can put it to music, and he reluctantly agrees.

And I am eternally grateful!

A few years back, PromiseKeepers released a praise CD with Matthew & Annie’s song on it. It’s also on Matthew Ward’s CD My Redeemer, which I don't own, but will soon. I tried to find the song in video format online, but alas. So, the next best thing is the lyrics. Just picture one of the most awesome slow worship piano grooves ever behind these inspired lyrics.

I give you To The King, by Matthew Ward & Annie Herring, long one of my favorite praise songs. Even more so since it flows out of the darkness of cancer. Enjoy. And make this your prayer. Pray it for me too, if you would.

To the King who gave everything for me
Whose body crucified, high on Calvary's Tree
Whose redemptive blood makes way for me I now give everything.

To the King who came in the form of a child
All powerful God; and yet, so mild
Whose obedience shows the way for me I humbly come to Thee

(Chorus) To the King alone I will give my life
To the King I will sing both day and night
To the Lamb of God who has paid the price
To the King alone I will give my life

To the King, the one true royalty, though King, He has befriended me
But greater still! He lives in me! I give Him everything

(repeat chorus)

To the King alone, I will give my life.

�1996 Megin's College Fund Music ASCAP �1996 Latter Rain Musci (Adm. By
Sparrow) ASCAP/ ARR/ICS

(Note: you have to love the music publishing company listed above! *smile* That's Matthew Ward's oldest daughter, who's now in her 20s)

I only recently found out that this incredible song that has so blessed my heart by one of my favorite singers was inspired by his own bout with cancer. Coincidence? I prefer to use the correct word: Providence.

Selah,

Mike

2008-07-18T08:18:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been a heckuva week in Hattiesburg, my home town, out there on the edge of the prairie...

Monday - discharged & outta there for a brief season. Home about 10:30 p.m., and I was totally wiped out from sitting & riding in the truck driven by Lisa & Jim. ("Totally wiped out" will be a recurring theme in this post...) After greeting James & Anne & Mom at home, I tossed & turned for 10-15 seconds before settling in for an 11.5 hour sleep.

Tuesday - a day I'd dreaded (mistakenly!)...the celebration of my Lord in the life of my buddy, Jason Weathers. (some would call it a funeral...I much prefer "celebration" or "coronation.") Stephanie sent me a text Tuesday morning saying that she wanted to worship today; mission accomplished, my friend! (aside: you didn't misread that...she sent me a text on the day of her hubby's funeral encouraging me...Y'all who don't know her should meet Steph; God is all over this woman, even in the midst of her grief!) We sang praises to our God, we laughed, we cried a bit, we laughed some more, we praised some more...I was an honorary pallbearer, which is a very high honor. Steph's Dad, my friend Gary Shows, used my poem "Giants" to close out his message--that's a higher honor still! I got there early, & thus the casket was still open, so I wandered up. And was struck anew with the total impermanence of these bodies and this life, and with the total, decisive, glorious, eternality of life with our Savior. "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here..." was what came to mind.

And then, home to take a nap before retiring for the evening. (totally wiped out...)

Wednesday - a not-much day (another recurring theme...) Hung around the house & tried to recover more. Went to my Dr. here for post-IL-2 bloodwork. As all week, I felt great, though completely without energy. Plus, day 2 of post-IL-2 lasix...this tends to keep a person...close to home, let's just say. I did get dropped off @ church to catch up on some email stuff (web trouble @ the house).

Thursday - went crazy today. Lunch w/ my friend Eddie Baker & the coaches helping with his Upward basketball camp, followed by sitting in Eddie's office & catching up on church stuff. Then home to take a nap, for I was (everybody now) totally wiped out from eating & sitting.

Friday - breakfast w/ Lisa & Anne. Then dropped @ church to catch up on email/web stuff. 10:32 a.m., & I'm already tired from eating & sitting...

So, basically, I feel more or less normal, if normal means "good for about 30 minutes of sitting & talking, followed by a 2-hour nap..." The lack of energy thing is a hassle, but then, I'm regularly reminded that lying around & sleeping is probably not a bad plan for preparing for round 2 week after next...

Thanks so much, my friends, for all of your prayers and encouragement during this season. We are most humbled and grateful for the many ways God has used you folks to add grace notes to our lives. Can I ask you to hang with us in prayer a bit longer? My prayer is that after round 2 we'll discover that "there's nothing to see here" and move on to other, more normal life concerns like where Anne will go to college, James' 1st year of pharmacy school, how to teach & research econ & finance things better, and whether my alma mater will finally restore order to the universe by beating Auburn in the Iron Bowl. (sadly, my prediction is no, for one more year...)

And that's the news from Hattiesburg, where all the women are strong, the men are handsome, and all the children are above average! (thank you, Garrison Keillor!)

With much love and hope,
Mike

p.s. - go over to Jason & Steph's site & read through the last several journal entries; you'll be blessed and encouraged. You might not want to read them in a public place though. Personally, I particularly enjoyed the picture of them burning all of the medical stuff...

p.p.s. - Dr. Homsi's nurse just called to discuss my bloodwork (routine call). All's well, except for one liver enzyme, bila-something, that was high when I left Monday & is still high. It is coming down, which is good, but still a bit high. She said we'd just monitor it w/ next week's scheduled bloodwork. (boy, how I love getting stuck...wait...no I don't...*sigh*) The only wrinkle is that because of this bila-whatever being high, I can't take my cholesterol pill. Isn't chemically-aided living fun??

With apologies to the original...

2008-07-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

..."Happiness is M.D. Anderson in your rear-view mirror..." *grin*

Still sitting in the room, but only because (a) Lisa's @ the pharmacy, and (b) Jim's enroute, and (c) transport hasn't arrived yet. Excuse me just a moment...OK, there, I'm back. (had to look at and scoff at the IV pole that used to be attached like an anchor to me, but is no more!)

So in the very near future, we are setting our faces like flint toward H'burg and heading out. It only took 5 different people to completely cover all of my rules & medical restrictions & such....*sigh* Sadly, I s'pose I no longer have the right to barf on anyone standing near...I never actually exercised that right, but it did engender quite the power trip there for a week...*huge grin*

Weight-wise, I dang near completed a full-term pregnancy in the last 6 days. Gained and lost 25 pounds. Yeah...fairly incredible from here too! Sadly, "getting to where I started" is a long way away from "getting to where I need to be..." *sigh*

Here's the thing about the next couple of weeks that's hard for me: while my immune system is not compromised (difference between immunotherapy and chemo), I still do not need to pick up any colds or infections or diseases. Getting sick would delay my next batch of IL-2 for a week. And let me tell you...now that I know just how much, um, fun IL-2 is, I DON'T want to delay this next batch.

Therefore--the hard part--I'm going to be rather cold and distant in terms of hugs & handshakes & hanging out & the like. I hate this!!! But medical reality is what it is. For example tomorrow afternoon, I'll see a bunch of people I'd love to hug. People I need to hug. But alas...Please, oh please, do not be insulted if all you get is a wave & a smile. I definitely take rain checks on hugs & handshakes & Starbucks trips & the like. Besides, perhaps these rainchecks will allow the actual hugs to be hugs celebrating this great, hoped-for news in a couple of months: "It seems your melanoma is gone..." At that point, I may well get arrested for hugging random folks on the street! Luckily for me, I know & love this great deputy sheriff who named his K-9 after me...(not really, but I still can say Mikey's named after me...)

Now to the more important matters...

Pray for Stephanie, Anna Lea, Jon Brent, & Ally...and for Jon Mark & Peggy, Jason's parents...and for Brad & Sherry, Jason's brother...and for Scott & Ashley Shows, Stephanie's brother...and for Gary & Nancy Shows, Stephanie's parents.

This afternoon's visitation time will be TOUGH on them.
Tomorrow's funeral will also be TOUGH.

The best thing you can do for me today & tomorrow is pray for my friends as they grieve, celebrate, and say "see you later" to their loved one, Jason.

I've grieved selfishly for my loss of him (see the previous post below). But my grief is just a shadow of the grief of a wife...and a child...and parents...and a brother...and inlaws. Mine is not even close.

Thanks so much for your prayers! Hope to be waving at you soon! *smile*

Much love,
Mike

Jason Weathers' faith has become sight

2008-07-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, just before 11:00 p.m. his chains were removed and he was set free in the land where the Son shines forever. I am a better man for having the privilege of being his friend for 18 years, just over half of his life.

And now, I am short one role model.

Role models need not be older, though they usually are. Mainly, though, role models just need to be better. And Jason was. He claimed he was influenced by me; perhaps so, in terms of knowledge. But much more, he influenced me via his life and faith.

The last words he ever spoke directly to me--in the parking lot at Starbucks--were "I love you, Mike." The last words that I know of that he ever spoke about me were to his precious wife as I was about to head out to MDA for this hellacious cancer treatment: "Tell Mike I'm praying for him." If I could pick 2 "last" sentences to hear from a much-loved buddy, I'd pick those 2. To think of Jason, sick as a dog from chemo-related pneumonia for weeks, taking the time to pray for me...as I say, role models just need to be better. And he was.

A couple of movie scenes. First, Forrest Gump. Forrest & Jennie are throwing rocks at the house where her father mistreated her until they collapse in exhaustion. Forrest says, "sometimes there aren't enough rocks." Well, turning the scene completely around, though I am a lover of words, sometimes there just aren't enough words to properly capture the depth of my thoughts & feelings. This is most assuredly one of those times.

The other mentioned yesterday here, from The Last Samurai. The application to me is very straightforward. I will not reduce Jason to the last week of his life...breathing machines, seizures, & such. Thus, I will not tell how he died. But I will always talk about how he lived! Triumphantly, in a word. Exemplary, in another word. Faithfully, in yet another. Lovingly. With great fun and many laughs along the way.

The Emperor: “Tell me how he died.”
The American: “I will tell you how he lived.”

John Piper says there are some emotions too deep to be captured by anything except poetry. I'm not much of a poet, though I've tried a couple of times. Ironically, both of my real poems were written after the passing of great friends and role models. Anyway, I find Piper to be correct in this thinking. Thus, without apology for quality, and with hope that a piece of my soul as relates to a departed buddy has been captured, here's something I began writing yesterday when I heard that Jason's departure was likely at hand. It was completed last night after his homegoing.

May we all finish so well!

Giants
Mike Madaris, 7/12/08, on the coronation of my buddy Jason Weathers

Giants still walk the land occasionally.
I know this, because I knew one.
Physically strong and imposing
But that’s not the topic here,
For, he was not fearsome
Unless you lined up opposite him
On a football field
Or tried to throw him into a pool against his will.
Those aside, He got along with everybody.
Literally, everybody, as far as I knew.
Calm of demeanor, yet loved to laugh.
Quiet in personality, yet loved hard rock.
Intelligent, but not desiring to flaunt that.
Private, yet the son of a very public man
And later, married into another very public family.
In the midst of all, he was a giant.

The courtship. She was the only one.
They met when her Dad took a job at the giant’s church.
And his Dad’s. And his Granddad’s.
The realizing came quickly to most.
These two were a match.
They realized it too.
The courtship lasted until they finished college.
And he remained a giant.
Always loving, yet always honoring.
Serving. Cherishing. As it was intended to be.
Role models. Giants.
Who else marries a giant, but another giant after all?

10 years of marriage. A move to FL.
3 children deeply treasured.
One looks like her mother, yet like Dad in temperament.
One looks like his Dad, yet tempered like his mother.
And one too young to answer these questions
Though she surely looks like her Dad.
Each nurtured. Treasured. Celebrated.
Giants are like that about their offspring.

A servant’s heart.
Toward his lady. Toward his children.
Toward his friends. Toward his Lord.
Church service involved the out of the way
The behind the scenes
The un-glamorous
The invisible.
Sometimes giants stay in the background.
Perhaps that is why so few of us believe in them any more.

The servant heart spilled over into career choice.
Especially poignant to me this week
As I have been greatly served and blessed by multiple nurses
As a patient, the best in that field are wired as servants.
Others-centered. Paycheck almost incidental.
Towering over the rest of us.
Giants.

The dreadful disease with the nasty prognosis
The treatment nearly as nasty
Uncertainty. Doubt. Fear.
In this case, for others more than self
Beloved wife and treasured children.
Parents. Parents-in-law. Brother. Brother-in-law.
Not wanting to burden others with the battle he fought so well.
The larger men among us worry about us like that.

7 months of desperate fighting.
Interspersed with time spent with family and with lesser mortals.
Like me. At Starbucks. Still dreaming of an earthly future that would never be.
Then the end; rather, the beginning.
What, after all, is a last, horrendous week against 30+ years of a towering-above life?
Faith became sight.
Death & disease forever vanquished.
Healing. No more illness, no more treatment, no more pain.
“Well Done, good and faithful servant.” The stuff of dreams. Thankfully, not of legends.
Hopes and dreams realized.
Sin not only defeated, but now utterly removed.
As has been sung, "I can only imagine." He need not imagine any more.
This makes me smile through tears.
Victory won. Decisively. Forever.
It is well…it is well with his soul.
In that land, there are only giants. Now one more.
And this land seems all the more empty.

(Want to catch a glimpse of a life so well-lived? Click over to Jason & Steph's Caringbridge site and read through the journals, written by his wife and his brother and his brother-in-law. Then read through the guestbook and note how far and wide the posts are geographically.)

So, Jason, my friend...catch you later. Where we'll laugh about how AML & melanoma truly were "light & momentary afflictions" as Paul put it so long ago. Save me a seat at the concert of the age, where we'll headbang for eternity. (although your section of the audience might not allow hammerheads like myself in...can I play the "friend of Jason" card? *smile*)

Thanks for sharing dreams, hard rock music, coffee, fears, triumphs, joys, and sorrows with me, bro. Rock on! You'll be missed. And celebrated.

With much love,
Mike - 2 John 3:1

Some interesting things I've learned about IL-2

2008-07-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

We're (finally) in a regular room as of about 4 hours ago. Thus, I'm only hooked up to the IV pole. In ICU, I was hooked up to the IV pole, plus the blood oxygen sensor, plus the blood pressure cuff that automatically checked my BP every hour or so, plus the vast array of heart rate & respiration rate sensors. So, comparatively speaking, um, w00t! *smile*

Among the numerous side effects of IL-2 is the fact that the patient/victim gains a tremendous amount of weight due to fluid retention. So, grab hold of your "are you kidding me" sensor...I gained 25 pounds from Tuesday a.m. through Thurs a.m. (everybody now: "Great Googlymoogly!!") And my weight loss is right at average for IL-2 folks. Now, while your circuits are overloaded, check this out...when I leave here Monday (probably) I will have lost most of it back. Remarkable, to my simple mind...Luckily for me, I was pretty slim when I started...wait...no I wasn't...*sigh*

Next thing I learned: how one loses it back. There are these 2 wonder drugs: dopamine and lasix. I started on Dopamine yesterday, and dropped 8 pounds. Then this morning, I added lasix. Let me tell you, amigos...*ponders how to say it*...lasix works! Very, very well. Sparing a few details, I'll be dadburn close to fighting weight by Monday morning! (note carefully: lasix throws off fluids only; thus, it would absolutely NOT be a good way to boost one's personal weight loss plan. Be aware than I have 3 other bags hanging on the IV pole just to deal with the lasix effects. Just so you know...besides, lasix requires very regular and immediate access to sanitary facilities, let's just say)

Here's a sad thing: IL-2 seriously messes with one's skin. I made a tactical error yesterday and shaved with an electric razor (I'm normally a regular razor guy). Thus, now I look like I shaved with a rather dull fishing knife without cleaning it off first. In addition, I look like a combo of a very serious acne case and the survivor of a close-at-hand nuclear reactor accident. (Every teenager's nightmare: overweight, body functions barely under control, and very severe acne...yeah... And since I recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of my 20-19th birthday, it's been a very long time since I was a teenager...)

Lisa learned quite a bit about the sanitary care of my PICC line port. Several hours of class, hands-on demos by the nurse, the whole bit. Only to discover this morning that Dr. Homsi prefers to remove them when his IL-2 patients go home. Removing the PICC & then getting a new one upon return greatly reduces the risk of infection. I'm all for that! Lisa sez she's not the slightest bit insulted, as she was not completely eager to demonstrate her newfound medical knowledge. So, should any of you have a PICC line that needs a sanitary dressing change, Lisa can prolly help, as long as you ask in the next couple of days before that bit of useless knowledge dissipates into the nothingness of "don't need to know that any more..."

Schedule change: turns out, I have 2 weeks off at home, and then back for round 2. Then a week or 2 after that, back here for CT scans. The all-important CT scans. Your prayers are most welcome about those.

Very cool thing: the nurse practitioner said that patients with melanoma confined to the lungs specifically tend to respond better to IL-2. Thus, please pray that mine stays so confined!

Jim & Lisa have been absolute champs, which surprises nobody who knows either of them. Their champ-like character has been tested since we discovered how very effective lasix is...Seriously, though, they've been great! As you pray, please thank God for them. And btw, the mission trip Jim was to take with his wife to Ecuador left this morning. Please remember them...and him! He has not hesitated nor been resentful. Thanks, bro!

Your prayers have been absolutely indispensable this week. I can never repay you, but He to Whom you prayed can. And He will, in this life or in the next.

With much love and gratitude,
Mike

p.s. - I trust you're aware that the time of departure for my dear friend Jason Weathers' appears to be at hand. After being told that there is no brain activity, they have made the amazingly difficult decision to allow Jason to enter eternity. (as I write, this has not occured yet) I have been grieving very hard this morning, and my grief is but a sample of that his wife Stephanie, their children Anna Lea, Jon Brent, and Ally, his parents, his brother, his inlaws are experiencing. At the great risk of diminishing the moment, I just watched The Last Samurai, and thought of the ending scene this morning after reading Brad's post about Jason. A great Samurai warrior has been killed in battle, alongside an American soldier. A few days later, the emperor who was fond of the Samurai says to the American: "Tell me how he died." The American says with no hesitation, "I will tell you how he lived." Jason lived very, very well. This passage could have been written about him:
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ….Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I Peter 2:5-8, 10-11

6 is the number, and the number shall be 6

2008-07-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

As of Dr. visit just a bit ago, I'm officially finished with this round. Made it thru 6 trtmts, and then things went rather far south. The biggies were (a) platelet count being so low, and (b) depressed,shallow breathing. The breathing is because of massive fluid retention (expected side effect). So, I'm done with this round. Will get to a regular room asap. May get all the way out on Sunday.

Let me say at this point that 6 treatments is basically the norm; NO one gets anywhere close to 14, according to the docs. So I'm happy that I was able to get #6 onboard. God is, as always, on His throne.

I'll write more about the IL-2 trtmts later when I feel better ane when I'm not typing with a device attached to my fimger.

Thanks so much for your prayers! Please keep 'em coming for a couple more days. Now though, you can shift gears to asking God for quick offload of the fluid and for complete recovery.

Much love to all!

Mike

p.s. - if you're not already doing so, please visit Jason Weathers' blog, which is here. Jason has taken a MASSIVE turn for the worst. Read the journal entries to get the story. Prayers are urgently needed!

24/7 God

2008-07-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

Good morning dear ones,

Lisa here to catch you up on Mike.

We are on #6 and to the point where Dr. says we'll evaluate after each treatment to determine if Mike's body can handle one more. He is still handling it pretty well but the overall toll is beginning to show. Mike seems a little more worn out with each treatment but we are to the point of recognizing beginning of side effects that come with each new treatment and the nurses are super quick with just the right meds!

I am sometimes concerned about treatments in the middle of the night since I know our prayer warriors do have additional duties of jobs and families so some sleep is required. :) But last night's treatment at 1:30 am was the most uneventful so far. Mike slept thru the whole thing and had zero side effects! Thanks so much to you late nighters and to a God who does not sleep. How your prayers and encouragement have carried us! We are thankful.

Love to you all,
Lisa

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121:3

p.s. - thanks for all the encouraging e-mails.

Day 2 in IL-2 World

2008-07-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

Wed, 3:00pm 21% of the 14-dose treatment complete! (Jim here) Mike has begun to show some side effects, as expected, from the interleuken-2. He has fairly major chills, requiring sedation, with each new dose, and has begun to have a slight fever. So far the chills only last about 30 minutes, with the aid of a shot of dilaudid. But other than the shakes--which are definitely significant--he feels okay, and is in typically good Mike-spirits. He is reading Celebrating the Wrath of God, a find from the sale rack of Lisa's store, and rereading Book I of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Dose 3 complete this morning 9:30, dose 4 tonight at 5:30. Between those two--today--is when full-on side effects typically kick in.

The on-call attending physician today was Dr. Hwu, who formerly worked with the National Cancer Institute. That body is where high-dose IL-2 therapy was recently invented/refined; and Dr. Hwu was a member of the team that developed it! So Mike & Lisa were able to talk with him and learn more about this treatment.

Mike was moved today to a nearby ICU pod because of staffing issues--basically, his nurse was very busy with his other patient (they are assigned to patients 2:1), and this pod's nurses were less busy. The real benefit to us all is that this room has (a) a bathroom, and most particularly (b) a shower Lisa can use! God is good.

Lisa is, of course, by Mike's side continually. But she's heeding the nurses' advice to care for the caregiver. She & I have been able to sample the area hospital cuisines, some of which are actually pretty good. She is able to sleep here nightly, and will let me relieve her some.

By the way, Mike's emails you send to the Anderson website, which are printed on yellow paper and delivered to him, are so voluminous I wouldn't be surprised if the nurses just brought him
a printer to the ICU! Your love and concern for Mike & Lisa is wonderful and humbling; keep 'em coming! He loves to hear from each of you.

In His grip,
Jim

2:30 & counting

2008-07-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone. Jim here, subbing (poorly) for Mike. As you'll quickly notice, he got all the writing genes in the family...

We are grateful, as anyone who has ever been through a situation like this knows, for the small blessings which are everywhere around us--whether or not we notice them. Here is one of which we are aware: two hours and 30 minutes since dose #1, and Mike has had no side effects at all. He is his usual cheery self, cracking wise about various absurdities associated with this treatment and hospital life; his vital signs are all completely normal at this point; and he feels fine at this point. We know things obviously won't remain this way, but Mike, Lisa, & I are all happy for this small part of the next 7 days with which God has blessed Mike--symptom- and side effect-free.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matt: 6:34

Live from MDA's ICU...

2008-07-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

...it's Mike, blogging from room 740. (I 'spect I'll not feel much like blogging in the rather near future; Jim & Lisa will keep folks informed)

As I type, dose #1 is finished coming on board. So far, so good...but the real fun will likely come after a few more doses. (the delay is due to point #1 below...the PICC line one)

Prayers are needed more than ever these next few days.

Been an interesting morning...
--millions of people have never had a PICC line installed; I've had 2 installed in the last 24 hours. (1st one only had one outlet, & I need 2...so...yeah...)
--I've lost count of the number of medical types who have had a hand in my care this morning
--my nurse says side effects will kick in within 45 min or so. (I'm pretty stoked...wait...no I'm not...*sigh*)
--I have to keep close track of all...bodily functions, let's say. This is not the most fun part of this deal...
--I've been given official permission to barf on anyone standing nearby, should the need arise. So I've got that going for me...*grin*
--Jim & Lisa are both here. Prayers are welcomed for them too.
--at one point, my nurse, the dietician, and the xray guys all showed up here at the same time, all needing to either talk to us or do a procedure. I felt so loved...or something...
--comforting news flash from the Dr. this a.m. - there's no correlation between number of treatments taken and success/effectiveness of the treatments. Dr. said a point will come when my body has had enough IL-2; at that point, they'll shut it down. He said not to be all bummed out (his quote) if I'm only able to take, say 8 trtmts. This was a comfort to my soul! Still, 13 more with minimal side effects would be great!

**I had a marvelous time with God this morning.** Want to know how God feels toward His people? Go read Isaiah 62. I was blown away anew by His heart toward me. I'll be re-reading this as often as possible these next few days...

I hope to be writing here again soon, but "soon" may be on the other side of IL-2-land. Know that you are loved and treasured by us. Much more, though, know that you are loved and treasured by God!

With love and hope...and just a touch of nervousness,
Mike - Isaiah 62:1, 3-4; 63:7-9

p.s. - was jusr given a batch of emails by my nurse. Thanks! (for more on how to do that, see down below...

Quick Update

2008-07-07T17:41:00.000-07:00

Got time for a quick update before heading back to MDA to stay.

Final green light! Admission officially approved after a long day of tests & bloodletting & PICC-line installation. I'll be admitted tonight. ICU room will be ready around 8:30 p.m. Fluids given by IV tonight. 1st IL-2 dose comes at 9:00 tomorrow morning.

VERY exciting news!! Lisa can stay in the room with me! (Jim may stay a night or 2 later this week to give Lisa a break...)

Immediate prayer concerns:
--for me to be able to take all 14 doses of IL-2
--for minimal side effects (I wouldn't be opposed to pretty much sleeping for the duration...*sigh*)
--for me to be able to endure whatever side effects come
--for quick recovery when IL-2 is withdrawn
--for post-treatment effects to be minimal

**Macro prayer request: for God to use this IL-2 to completely heal me of this insidious disease!!**

Prolly out of MDA & headed home Monday. That'd be groovy too...

"PICC Line" - This is my immunotherapy port that sticks out just above the inside of my elbow. There is now official medical evidence that it's 44 centimeters from that point into my superior vena cava (apparently, a major vein near my heart...I was absent the day they taught science at my school...) Having a 44cm line with tubes on the end sticking out of one's arm is not nearly as comfortable as it sounds...Luckily, I get to keep this baby until I'm finished my next treatment. For $1 a head (or best offer), I'll let you see what a PICC line looks like. (of course, you can't see all 44 cm of it...only the outer end...) I think PICC is short for "pain injected continuously...crud!" or something like that.

One more potentially important thing:
There's a way for folks to send me email messages thru the Anderson website. Apparently, they print them out and bring them to me.
--go to mdanderson.org
--click on "current patients" on the left
--scroll down to "message to a patient" and click on it
--My info: Mike Madaris...male, last time I checked...May sixteen, nineteen fifty nine (young, thank you very much!)...my number is 747231

No obligation there; just thought it'd be interesting to see how that works.

I told Jim & Lisa that I feel like the brakes on the roller coaster just let go & I'm starting down the hill. And I've never really liked roller coasters much. Especially this one.

Thanks so much for your continued prayers!
Much love and great hope,
Mike

Into the Valley

2008-07-07T05:06:00.000-07:00

We're off to Starbucks & then to MDA shortly. Some verses this morning that capture my soul.

A friend sent this 1st verse as a text last night. Another friend regularly quotes this and preceding verses as his favorites.

As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so I will seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness.
Ezekiel 34:12

Another version says "As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock, so will I look after my sheep."

The Great Shepherd is present and is on His throne. Lisa & I have great confidence in His "looking after" us.

"In You, O Lord, do I take refuge...in your righteousness, deliver me!" Psalm 31:1

"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure." Psalm 16:8-9

"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in Whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1-2

"O Lord my God, in You do I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and deliver me, lest like a lion they tear my soul apart, rending it in pieces, with none to deliver." Psalm 7:1

"When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed?'" John 5:6

Thanks so much for your intercession this week. Please remember Lisa & Jim, who are here, and also James & Anne & my Mom, who have to walk this road with me from a distance.

I feel peace this morning, which I attribute to my Lord answering your prayers. Thanks!!!!

Some combo of Jim, Lisa, & James will update here these next few days, as I doubt I'll be able to. See you on the other side of IL-2-land!

Much love and great hope,
Mike

Time!

2008-07-05T16:04:00.000-07:00

You know how time seems to move at varying speeds? At times...when on vacation for example, time seems to move very fast. At other times...when waiting for vacation time to get here, for example, time moves v-e-r-y s-l-o-w.

Well, this past week has seen both for me. The week since getting back from Houston has been s--l--o--w. And yet, in just 36 hours, I'll be in ICU @ MDA, with IL-2 attacking my cancer (and other things too...*sigh*)

My brother Jim, Lisa, & I roll out for Houston this afternoon after church.

Monday's fun starts @ 9:45 a.m. I think that's bloodwork, followed by a chat w/ Dr. Homsi, followed by checking in to the ICU ("Hotel IL-2")

The plan is 14 high doses of IL-2, one every 8 hours. That works out to about 5 days worth of ICU/IL-2 time. Then, a couple of days in the hospital to recover, and then home.

So, the hope is, that I'm back in H'burg in 8-9 days from today. The further hope is that those 8-9 days pass very quickly! Especially the 5 days beginning Monday afternoon...*sigh*

A friend asked how to pray this week. Pray as the Spirit leads, but here are some suggestions from my perspective:
--endurance (for all 3 of us!)
--for me to be able to take all 14 doses as scheduled (there's no guarantee due to the intensity of side effects...yeah...)
--lack of fear (again, for all 3 of us, but especially for me)
--safe travel for us three (Lisa & Jim will have some Houston traffic fun this week; I'll be, um, otherwise detained...)
--for Jim & Lisa to be able to rest & sleep (me too, but don't forget them)
--for James & Anne's respective weeks to go well...and "glitch-free"
--for wisdom for all Drs., nurses, & other health care professionals involved in my care this week
--**for the Great Physician to use the IL-2 treatments as part of the healing process for this melanoma!!**
It's my overriding prayer that 6 weeks from now, my next CT scans show that there's no melanoma to be found. Next week is the next step in that process.

Thank you so much for holding us up during this time. Your prayers are treasured and are absolutely crucial to the process. As you pray, please pray that God would glorify Himself through this entire situation, whatever remaining bends the road has in it.

With much love and great hope, because of my great Lord and because of your faithful prayers,
Mike

p.s. - a couple of huge blessings yesterday & today:
--visit from my friends Philip & Lori Thurman from Madison, MS. I served in Philip's college ministry @ Temple Baptist 6-7 years ago. Now Philip is pastor of Lifebridge Church near Gluckstadt, north of Jackson, a church that started in their living room! Philip & Lori drove over from Columbia where they were visiting Philip's folks. What a great surprise & blessing to see these whose life & ministry have had such an impact on my faith!

--visit w/ Stephanie Weathers & Clay & Kristen Meyer & Tim & Margaret Carley & Gary & Nancy Shows (Steph's parents) this morning. Stephanie & Kristen were in my youth Sunday School class some years ago. Tim & Mary Margaret were in a small group Bible study we led a few years back, and are great friends. And Gary & Nancy are friends & mentors; Gary is executive pastor of TBC. As I mentioned Friday, laughing with friends is very much undervalued by me...Thanks to all for helping me laugh this morning! The only thing missing was Jason, who's still recovering from pneumonia. Maybe next time, bro.

Things under-appreciated

2008-07-04T05:26:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the front porch this a.m. watching James' little puppy Beau eat breakfast...some thoughts came to mind. I was totally enjoying the morning, and found myself wondering why I underappreciate so many regular day-to-day things. Ego & a sense of entitlement, perhaps, that says I'm entitled to these things...or plain ol' busyness that prevents me from stopping to smell the proverbial roses...or misplaced focus, perhaps, that says that the outcome of a sporting event or the size of one's bank balance or the quantity of gray hairs one sees in the mirror or another "Everybody Loves Raymond" rerun are what really matters. In my case, it's surely a blend of all of these.

Here's a running start at things I under-appreciate:

--sitting on the porch in the early morning watching & listening to the day as it begins.

--cuddling a dog (ours or James' either one)

--lunch with my children (El Rancho yesterday...awesome time for me!)

--conversation with my wife

--music - whether a great funk-jazz groove, or a symphony that sounds like 500 instruments playing, or a soft, simple Miles Davis cool jazz tune, or a screaming rock guitar sound, or an acoustic songwriter type piece...

--singing - on the way back from Mobile, I discovered that if I turn up my system loud enough, I sound really great singing the duet "In All of His Glory" with Babbie Mason, and that I can nail the lead vocal on Whiteheart's "Once and For All" and "Morningstar", and that I sound just like Chris Tomlin on "Amazing Grace/My Chains Are Gone."

--laughing with friends - very important these days!

--teaching - I'm so thankful that God has called (& re-called) me to teach. There's nothing like seeing the light bulbs turn on in students' minds as they understand some difficult concept. And I very much love teaching Sunday School. Such joy from grappling with & teaching Scripture...

--the incredible paradigm shift dating back to Tyndale & others who paid with their lives such that I can now read Scripture in my own language.

--reading at all, for that matter...a quote: "The man who doesn't read books has no advantage over the man who can't read them..."

--crepe myrtles blooming - we have a couple, one purple-ish, & one red-ish; our neighbors/friends across the street have a few. All are gorgeous right now.

--green grass - recent rains have really "greened up" our lawns.

--the strength of pine trees - we have a big one just in front of our house, and I was pondering it this morning. (Of course, they're much better to ponder when they're upright, rather than when they're lying on the ground as after Katrina...)

--physicians & their amazing medical knowledge & the accompany medical technology

--freedom! - to enjoy all of the above at my leisure. To succeed...or fail...in the profession of my choosing. To be educated. To worship...or not...as I choose. (and so forth) Boy, do I...we...under-appreciate freedom!! Years ago, a friend from Iraq told me that our founding fathers were so far ahead of their times in the thinking embodied in our core documents. He said there's nobody in his country who has begun to think at that level, and that we Americans take it all for granted...(keep in mind, he said all of this before the first Gulf War)

--the sacrifices through the last couple hundred years of so many who served in the military order to secure and defend the freedoms I...we...take for granted.

--bends in the road that force me to stop & look up & re-focus

--grace!!
..that taught my heart to fear, and then relieved those fears (as John Newton said so wonderfully)
...that pardons & cleanses
...the common type such as the things listed above
...the particular, saving type that somehow allows God see me justified as if I had never sinned at all--a mindblowing concept there, for one whose sins are so many & manifest--and that secures an eternity that will be glorious beyond any feeble words I have

It's Independence Day. Do you appreciate it?

Selah.
Mike

Quick Update

2008-07-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

Did well on the cardio function test today!

Today's was truly one of the more bizarre medical experiences yet. They got my heart up to its aerobic max and back again...all while I was lying on a table!! Better living through chemicals, I s'pose. They took ultrasound pix throughout. (I thought I saw a baby there once, but I'm pretty sure I was mistaken...)

I enjoy my regular times on the cross trainer. Really, I do. And today underscored the benefit of those times. But so help me, I laid there on the table doing nothing but having chemicals pumped in through an IV, and thought "This is mighty close to exercise without actually exercising." Seems there might be a rather large market for this. "Want to keep your heart in shape without any semblance of exercise? Here, lie on this table & relax while we work out your heart using only these chemicals. Staying awake is optional..." *huge grin*

Anyway, my cuz the cardiologist sez it went well. Thanks so much for your prayers!
Rejoicing,
Mike

p.s. - actually "rejoicing" is not quite the right word, for doing well here means heavy doses of IL-2 are in my near future. But, it is one big step closer to my goal of "Great news, Mr. Madaris! You're cancer free!" *sigh*

p.p.s. - I didn't actually yell "dobutamine" in the echo thing, because I can't spell nor pronounce it; instead, I yelled "Roll Tide!"

pp.p.s. - TBC folks, I'll see you at the FamilyLife center tomorrow morning. I'll be the handsome-if-sick-&-elderly gent on the cross trainer. (aside: I'm not sure which would be more motivating...doing well on a cardio test or doing poorly...in my case, doing well is highly motivating! 20-25 min a pop, 3-4 times a week = doing well on a chemically-assisted echo test)

Heart of my heart...

2008-07-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

*sings* "Heart, of my heart"...I love that melody...
"Heart of my heart"...brings back those memories
Remember when we were kids...on the corner of the square
We were rough and ready guys, but oh...how...we...could...harmoniiiiiiiiiize...
Toooo "Heart of my heart..." (etc.)

Sorry. As I ponder today's cardio function test, somehow I flashed back to days in the Lambda Chi Alpha house @ U. of FL singing that 1926 song w/ the bros. (that's right, sports fans...a bunch of frat boys could, in fact sing songs that our grandparents would enjoy...) *ends irrelevant reverie*

So here's today's plan:
--to WCU shortly for a bit of catchup work
--12:00-ish - head toward Mobile
--2:00 - check in & get hooked up to IV
--then a "stress echocardiogram with dobutamine"
(whatever that is...apparently it involves an IV & some drugs...with me yelling a cool word into a canyon of some sort to get an echo. "Dobutamine!...Dobutamine....Dobutamine..." Not sure what yelling into a canyon has to do w/ cardio function, but then there's much I don't know about medicine...*grin*)

Results will be faxed to MDA thereafter.

Your prayers are most appreciated for me to...pass
(or whatever the right medical word is).

Why Mobile, you ask? Simple. My cousin is a cardiologist there. Thus, I get the "family-member-with-serious-medical-situation" fast track" scheduling. *smile* One could surely get the same test locally, and have most competent cardiology care here, I'm sure. But there's something about knowing & being related to the guy who'll be examining my heart function...He's a few months younger than I, so beyond being related, we're also friends. Years of shared experiences. I like knowing my Drs. personally.

(My students who took my Econ test last night will no doubt get a chuckle out of me being concerned about passing a test...)

Lisa & James are on the road back home from Oxford this morning, & Anne seems to be somewhat on the mend. Perhaps we'll have a couple of days of something approximating normality...

Thanks for your prayers today, amigos!
With love and hope,
Mike

p.s. - I'm guessing that posting next week will be...sporadic, at best. *sigh* But my bro is more computer savvy than I, so maybe he'll update some since he'll be out there with Lisa bored stiff in the ICU waiting room...

p.p.s. - "I know a tear would glisten...if once more I could listen...to that gang that sang 'Heart of my Heart' *vocal harmony* 'Heart...of...my...Heart'"
(why yes! we did indeed harmonize on that part at the end...)

In Today's News...

2008-07-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

--Anne's a bit better; "better enough" for me to head on over to WCU earlier today to move the pile a bit. Still not "good" yet though.

--the cardio test is tomorrow in Mobile @ 2:30

**this cardio test is actually very important; I need to do well enough on it to be able to take the IL-2 treatments next week* (prayer point there) I'm not particularly stressed about the stress test (*rimshot*), but as I say, it is very important.

--Lisa & James & Beau the dog made it to Oxford to get utilities turned on & such in James' apt. for next academic year. They'll come back tomorrow morning.

--In a stunning upset, I was able to get a bit of work done today! *faint applause, as at a golf tourney* My wonderful boss said to me, "I imagine it's very difficult to think about work things in your situation." That is utterly correct!

--Speaking of work, William Carey U., the Dean of the Bus. School (my immediate boss), and my fellow teachers in the School of Business have messed up royally.

They have been so absolutely amazing to me & my fam during this bend in the road that I may never leave, nor allow any of them to do so. *grin* The evidence of their amazing-ness is shown in many, many ways, but let's just say THEY'RE AWESOME!! In the midst of a zillion distractions related to medical stuff, my colleagues & boss(es) have stepped up huge to remove doubts & concerns & fears I have about my job performance which has surely been...subpar, let's say...since January. (supply your own punchline about my job performance before January...) Many of you don't know my colleagues & boss(es); nonetheless, (next time you pray for me) would you please thank God on my behalf for them & ask Him to bless them in an extra special way? And to you, Cheryl, Eddie, Laurie, Sharon, Jimmy, Hubert, David, & Susan, THANKS!!! Truly, I thank God every time I remember you...I cannot imagine having to negotiate this bend without all of you ministering to us in so many ways.

Thanks to all for reading & for praying & for encouraging!
With Love & Hope,
Mike

p.s. - some lyrics I was reminded of this morning as I was working out. (Thank you, Apple, for inventing the IPOD!) Both of these songs are oldies, but goodies by one of the best writers of our time.

The Warrior Is A Child – Twila Paris

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me; I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor,
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because his armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing; never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet

I drop my sword and look up for His smile
Because deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

(Mike says: Twila was listening very well that day, when she captured how this journey feels for me. I love the line about dropping my sword & looking up for His smile)

Prince of peace, come and reign
Set Your feet on the mountaintop again
Take Your throne, rightful Lord
Prince of peace
Come and reign forevermore

(Mike says: Just a quick chorus from the song "Prince of Peace," but again, one that nails my prayers these days. Selah.)

2008-06-30T21:29:00.001-07:00

So, Anne seems to have come down with a tonsil infection. Went to Dr. & got some pills for it. As of 11:30 Mon. night, let's just say that they haven't worked yet.

Meanwhile, Lisa & James are heading up to Oxford tomorrow to do apartment stuff for next year (basically, utilities setup + drop off a load of stuff to lighten his load in a few weeks.).

Luckily, tomorrow's my only class night & I need to be @ work for a good part of the day.

Other than those three things, everything's just groovy @ casa Madaris...*huge sigh* (oh, and my nasty treatment next week...almost forgot about that. OK, no I didn't...)

I ask unapologetically for prayers about tomorrow's day (Tues.), especially for Anne's illness. In fact, if you're a night owl reader, prayer for her to sleep tonight would be greatly appreciated. Lisa will have the 1st shift; I'm the early morning guy if needed.

The late, great Mississippi comedian Jerry Clower said it best: "Shoot up here amongst us! One of us has got to have some relief!"

Still & all, though, compared to so many, we're OK.

Grace notes just a-pouring into our lives from so many directions. Recent examples:
--Last night at the church picnic, got 2 different very encouraging medical reports from church friends with cancer who were given pretty bad prognoses a few months ago. Assuming all goes well, the one lady & I said we'll be dancing at next year's picnic; now I just have to decide which song to request. Right now, I'm leaning toward "Play That Funky Music, White Boy"...or "Drop-Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goal Posts of Life" (which is, in fact, an actual song..) *grin*
--Dinner with some friends Saturday evening. She said she wanted to feed us before "everything tastes like metal" for me. We had a great time & some awesome food.
--Hugs from so many Sunday night. If you enjoyed Sunday night too, you're welcome, because the main blessings were apparently aimed my way. *smile*
--Travel arrangements & offers from friends here & elsewhere.
--Phone calls & emails from so many.
--James helped me set up a facebook site. (yeah...I know...pretty scary, huh?) And I have already reconnected with friends from days gone by.
--neighbors tag-teaming on mowing my lawn. "Don't you get out there & get hot & tired...you need to save your strength for the treatments..."
--my buddy William is apparently doing quite well from his heart attack. 2nd stent put in today. After which, he called me from his hospital room!! And I thought I was the one who was supposed to go lift his spirits...(BTW, thanks to those of you who prayed for William!)
--Found a great book for $4.97 @ Lisa's store.
(there are more, but it's way past my bedtime already...)

Thanks so much for your prayers!!

With love & hope--particularly tonight for my 17-year-old baby girl who still needs her Mama to hold her when she's sick,
Mike

p.s. - I'm not sure there's a more helpless feeling than sitting with a sick child & knowing that there's pretty much nothing a Dad can do to make it better...

The matter at hand...

2008-06-30T05:14:00.001-07:00

Please pray about the cardio test this week. Will be scheduling it shortly. Naturally, surgery recovery has fairly well eliminated my otherwise regular cardio workout this last month...*sigh*

Assuming that test goes OK, here's the sched again:
Sunday, 7/6 - Lisa, my brother Jim, & I head out to Houston
Monday, 7/7 (morning) over to MDA for one more round of bloodwork, one more Dr. appt., & then off to ICU (*best Howard Dean delivery* "yeaaa!")
Then, 14 heavy doses of IL-2, 1 every 8 hours. That works out to about 5 days of IL-2 doses
(I'm told that there is no extra charge for all the side effects that accompany heavy doses of IL-2...)
Then, 2 days in hospital to recover somewhat, & then home.
So, if all goes as planned, should be home in 7-8 days.

3 weeks of (some semblance of) normality, then back out to MDA for another fun-filled week.

Then re-scan to see where we are. The strong hope/prayer is that those particular scans show that the melanoma is gone. If that would be the case, then there's a great chance of me being cancer-free for a long time. Should that happen, you'll be able to hear the shouts all the way from Dr. Homsi's office @ MDA. Should that not happen, then chemo is still on the table as an option. (note: the odds are not great here, which is generally the case with metastatic melanoma...have I told you lately to use sunscreen? *sigh* One friend said recently, "in light of what you're describing, I've started applying sunscreen when I go to bed at night!" *smile*)

"So, how's your state of mind, Mike?"
Glad you asked. Basically, these things all mixed up:
--palpable fear of IL-2 side effects
--sorrow for putting my family through this
--hope & faith in my Lord Jehovah Rophe/Jehovah Shammah (the Lord Who Heals and Who is Present)
--great joy and blessing in the encouraging words & deeds & prayers of so many.

I have a fairly healthy mental blocking mechanism, which doesn't allow me to dwell for long on what next week will be like. This is a good thing!

As to my faith & hope, both are present. God is absolutely not bound by the laws of probability & statistical tendencies! He does still heal--both supernaturally and through medical process & professionals. (either one would be fine with me...I'm not picky!)

So, there we are, ladies & gents. Thanks so much for reading, for caring, for praying, for serving, & for loving on us. I hope that I will ever be more aware of needs and of how to bless and love through deeds after this bend straightens out. (Assuming it does so)

I had such a blast last night at the community picnic/fireworks show at church. Grooving on the live music (everything from Glenn Miller's "In the Mood" to Creedence's "Born on the Bayou" to the Eagles' "Love Will Keep Us Alive"...), watching kids run & play, getting to chat with many friends, (including one who just completed her last chemo dose and who got some great cancer-related medical news and one who is still in the battle but who got some encouraging news about his tumor as well), and then the time-honored tradition of watching stuff blow up (fireworks). Very therapeutic for me; a great help in getting my head out of the box & seeing life beyond my current issues. Thanks to all who played a part in making that happen!

Off to the eye Dr.! (yeah...despite what I'd like to think, life goes on these days...)

Much love & hope
Mike

"Let's go to (Inter)leukinbach, Texas..."

2008-06-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

OK...why don't we get right to it. Freshen up your coffee; this might take a while.

1. Tests show no obvious evidence of any melanoma spread outside of my lungs. This is based on bloodwork, chest xrays, & various CT scans from Thursday. (note: the radiologist had not read the scans yet, but Dr. Homsi had, and was fairly confident of no spread). Within the context of "metastatic melanoma"--a very bad context to be within--"no spread" is good news. I'll take it.
(truly exciting news ends...much less exciting news continues...)

2. Treatment from here will be immunotheraphy, which means (for me) IL-2 in massive doses. Twice.
(I use the IL-2 abbreviation to avoid trying to spell interleukin...or interlachen--wait, that's the town in Switzerland...or interlocking--no, that's an adjective of some sort...or Lukenbach--no, that's the town Waylon sang about...let's stay with IL-2, shall we? *smile*)
I'll have 2 cycles of this, um, fun, with 3 weeks in between.
Note: I read up a bit on IL-2 & what it is & how it works, but lost consciousness quickly in all the biochemistry & pathophysiology & such; apparently, I was absent the day they taught science in my school system...

3. I'll be admitted to the Intensive Care Unit at MDA as a matter of routine IL-2 procedure prior to beginning my treatment! (um...yikes?)
14 doses (if I can take all 14), one every 8 hours, via IV port. The ICU part is so they can monitor the side effects, not so much because of imminent danger. The side effects (below) can be so intense that some do not get to take all 14 doses. (now there's a yippie-ki-yay moment...)

4. The side effects are quite intense, though they typically end almost immediately after treatment stops. (he said optimistically...)
--nausea & vomiting & diarrhea
--general fatigue - one survivor says during treatment he was as tired as he's ever been in his life. Yet...
--inability to sleep - exhaustion + can't sleep = zero fun, sir!
--flu-like symptoms (fever, chills, muscle aches)
--weight gain due to water retention (there's some great news...*sigh*)
--low blood pressure (MDA & my disease have raised my BP this year...seems only fair for some aspect of it all to turn around & lower my BP...*another sigh*)
--accelerated pulse rate (thus the cardio function test below)
--diminished kidney function
--diminished liver function
--slight decrease in general hot-ness of the male patient (though, naturally, a slight decrease in my hotness might make it easier on the other younger guys around...*grin*)
--increased love of disco & rap music
(OK, those last two are not in the official list of symptoms; but all of the others are...*yet another sigh*)

On the not-entirely-negative side, the side effects tend to cease & to reverse themselves very quickly after treatment is stopped. So, a week of hell-in-an-IV-bag, followed by rapid improvement. As my brother said, it sounds a lot like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer; feels great when you stop! *rimshot* ("Jim Madaris, ladies & gents...he'll be here all week...don't forget to tip your waitress..." *huge grin*)

To qualify for this, medically speaking, one has to pass a lung function test (done that already, prior to lung surgery!), and a cardio function test. (coming this week, hopefully)
(pause & ponder having to pass a heart function and a lung function test in order to be able to take treatments for one's illness...yeah...*sigh again*)

Here's the plan, assuming I pass the cardio function test.

Sunday afternoon, July 6 - head back out to Houston yet again.
Monday, July 7 - head to MDA for bloodwork & an appt. w/ Dr. Homsi, then get checked into hospital's intensive care unit & have IV installed, & then begin treatment.
Then, 14 big hits of IL-2.
After the roughly 5 days of treatment, I'll have 2 more days in the hospital to completely recover, and then I'm outta there, heading back east toward the next you-gotta-be-kidding-me traffic jam courtesy of the Texas Highway Dept (yesterday's was in Beaumont; only an hour & a half this time...{memo to TX Highway Dept: of all of the bad times to close down interstates for construction, Friday afternoon would be the worst time; go crazy next week & try any other time--almost guaranteed to get you fewer complaints. You're welcome. Love, Mike}). So, I'm hoping to be back here in H'burg 7-8 days after leaving.

Word is, I'll feel fairly normal when I leave the hospital.

Then, 3 weeks of...not having IL-2. *faint applause, as at a golf match*

Followed by another sequence of IL-2 (again, 5 days of treatment followed by 2 days of recovery)

Then...*drum roll*...another round of scans to see what the result(s) are.

The strong hope/prayer is that they show zero cancer. This would be absolutely awesome!! Indeed, the possibility of such is precisely why I'm having the IL-2 treatment.

(If there are no good results, then chemo remains on the table...I'm something less than stoked about that possibility...)

Let me say this again: I do NOT think that the time of my departure is at hand just yet, though that time is in the hands of my Lord, as it is for all of us. Metastatic melanoma just creates massive amounts of suction, but mine coming back did not catch God by surprise. He's not scared, nor has He left me, nor will He leave me, nor is He unaware of the side effects of this treatment protocol. He is not wringing His hands wondering how this will all turn out. He's not hopeful, for He knows the end from the beginning; thus where hope is vital for us, it's totally not necessary for Him. Paradoxically, I take great hope in this.

So, how to pray now?
--for serious productivity and serious rest this week for all of us
--for a successful cardio function test (and the scheduling thereof)
--for all the logistics to work out in terms of travel schedules, work schedules, who's going with me, etc.
--**for my illness to be one of those that totally responds to IL-2**; there are a small number of cases of metastatic melanoma in which IL-2 seems to eradicate the illness such the folks remain cancer free for years.
--for my Lord to draw me near to Him through this next unpleasant phase of this unpleasant bend in the road
--for Him to enable me to tolerate the treatments, and to take all 14, with side effects as minimal as He sees fit, with me holding up under whatever effects He allows
--for Lisa, James & Anne, who have to walk this uncertain journey with me - my prayer is that their faith would be strengthened by all this (note: I blessedly have total confidence in them; however, this bend can be quite the faith challenge!)

Thanks so very much for the calls, texts, emails, comments, acts of service, and prayers on our behalf. One of the great blessings of a bend in the road is experiencing first hand the body of Christ being the body of Christ. Thanks for your part in that!

With love and hope even in the midst of sighs,
Mike

p.s. - please pray for my church buddy William Fortenberry today. He suffered a heart attack yesterday afternoon; apparently he'll be OK, but William is (a) younger than I, (b) more active than I, and (c) younger than I (that part bears repeating). He is a great guy, and one of my great friends & prayer warriors through this journey. Married to Stacy, 3 daughters. As I told the friend who called to tell me of William's situation, "were our collective prayer lives so pathetic that it took all of this medical stuff to drive us to our knees"? *smile* Thanks for lifting William & his family up today!

p.p.s. - perhaps the Lord will return before 7/7, which would mean no IL-2 treatment for me...

Wayfaring

2008-06-27T05:23:00.001-07:00

Sometimes there just aren't enough words to fully capture one's thoughts. Like today, for example. I just wrote the next paragraph in an email to a friend. Sometimes 1st thoughts are the most accurate, so here's what I said:

Lisa asked last night if I'm worried about today's appt. I'm not worried so much, but on the other hand, today's appt. has dominated my thoughts for the last couple of weeks, including the couple of times I rolled over last night & woke up briefly. I'm not afraid particularly--my denial mechanism works pretty well!--but neither am I excited about it. But at the same time, I am anxious to know what he's going to say. (confused yet? me too!)

A couple of thoughts from greater minds come to my lesser mind this morning. First, David Jeremiah, speaking from Psalm 63:1: "The Lord of the desert is also the Lord of deliverance from it." Almost a throwaway line for him; a lifeline reminder for me.

Then this in the Of First Importance email just this morning. Forgive the length; Horatius Bonar was paying very, very good attention to what the Lord was saying when he captured this. (This is just an excerpt, btw).
“We have only the foretaste now. The full brightness is in reserve, and we know that all that is possible or conceivable of what is good and fair and blessed shall one day be real and visible. Out of all evil there comes the good; out of sin comes holiness; out of darkness, light; out of death, life eternal; out of weakness, strength; out of the fading, the blooming; out of rottenness and ruin, loveliness and majesty; out of the curse come the blessing, the incorruptible, the immortal, the glorious, the undefiled!
Our present portion, however, is but the pledge, not the inheritance. The inheritance is reserved for the appearing of the Lord. Here we see but through a glass darkly. It does not yet appear what we shall be. We are now but as wayfaring men, wandering in the lonely night, who see dimly upon the distant mountain peak the reflection of a sun that never rises here, but which shall never set in the ‘new heavens’ hereafter. And this is enough. It comforts and cheers us on our dark and rugged way. It would not be enough hereafter, but it is enough just now. This wilderness will do for us until we cross into Canaan. The tent will do until the eternal city comes. The joy of believing is enough until we enter on the joy of seeing. ”
Horatius Bonar, “Home”

Now, please note: I do not expect to hear today that "the time of my departure is at hand" just yet. My plan is to stick around for a while, for there are football games to watch, countries to visit, fish to catch, coffee to drink with friends, boats to enjoy, students to teach, articles to write (possibly even a book or 2...one never knows!), and especially loved ones to, well, love. There are many more June 2 anniversaries I'd like to celebrate (only 24 so far!); there are 3 college graduations I'd like to attend--2 undergrad ones, and one Pharm.D. one; there's one more high school graduation I plan on crying over next year; there's one more prom I need to fret over next Spring; there might even be a couple of weddings I plan to be part of in a few years--one as the weepy, embarrassing father of the groom, and one as the weepy, embarrassing father of the bride. There's a condo development on Lake Jordan in AL that I need to visit & walk around & act like I own & built the place (ok, it's my brother's...but I still plan on walking tall there one day soon as if I had anything at all to do with it). There are many more times I need to tread/sit on the beaches of NW FL & S AL...concerts I need to see...books to read...mission trips to take...foreign languages to learn (Russian & Polish are my current desires there; James & I just discussed learning other languages yesterday!)...yards to mow...at least one pastor I need to help hire on the pastor search committee...powerpoint slides to flip in worship services...I think you get the idea. And through it all, it's my strong hope that there are many people my Jesus would choose to impact through me.

So do not read in Bonar's quote any hint of resignation by either him or me. Rather, read the great hope that we have as believers. Hope that brightens our days...this day in particular for me. Quoting Tony Evans once again, when God shows up, any ol' bush (or oncologist's office!) will do.

Thanks doesn't even come close as this day begins, but thanks for holding us up before the throne.

With much love and great hope, and with great faith in the Lord of the desert & of deliverance from it,
Mike

Some Fun Things I learned @ MDA today...

2008-06-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

--Watching someone eat a Chik-Fil-A sandwich across the table from you when you're not allowed to eat will "fling a craving on you" in the worst way. (to use the late, great Jerry Clower's wonderful phrase

--Apparently, the mere act of walking in MDA as a patient is good for an extra 10-15 points on the systolic & 5-10 points on the diastolic blood pressure reading. *sigh*

--"No, I'm not allergic to anything" spoken in Arabic sounds like dog-cussing. I can only imagine what "So, how's that baby? It's so good to see you!" would sound like...

--I must have looked pretty dadburn bad 3 weeks ago when I checked out of the hospital @ MDA after surgery. I say this because I ran into the surgical resident today who checked us out back then, and she said "You look like a new man!" (Of course, when she last saw me, I was less than 48 hours out from lung surgery, and she was pulling about 4 feet of chest tube out of a small hole in my side...ok, not really 4 feet; it just seemed like it to both Lisa the spectator and me the participant...)

--(this one's very exciting to me personally) In a pharmacological breakthrough, they do, in fact, have CT contrast solution that tastes...not utterly gruesome! *raucous applause from CT scan patients everywhere* I chose "berry flavored," while the older gent nearby chose banana flavored. (Note: the preceding is very different from saying "they've invented good-tasting contrast solution"...Still, though a pleasant surprise to have a taste other than what I imagine old battery acid tastes like...)

--(this one's much less exciting; in fact, it's quite unexciting) *ponders how to say this somewhat delicately* I now know of a 3rd way to deliver CT contrast solution, besides drinking it and having it pumped in through an IV. Let's just be reminded that my CT scans today were upper and lower abdomen. And let's say that I'd rather get stuck multiple times than experience this 3rd delivery vehicle again. (today, I got to experience all three delivery vehicles! Yay! {or not})

--One meets some fascinating people in a place like this. I met an older couple who both have cancer, and who have 2 daughters who have had cancer. Hubby's is somewhat manageable; wife's is considered incurable. His wheelchair had a bumper sticker that said "former P.O.W." Naturally, I had to know. He was a belly gunner in a plane that was shot down by an ME-262 in their first & only encounter with a jet. "What in the world was that??" over the radio was followed by "bail out!" which was followed by capture by the Germans.
When Mrs. got her "incurable" diagnosis this Spring, the daughters fell apart & asked "how long does she have?" To which, Mama said "don't even ask that question! The answer is not up to this Dr.; there's only One Who decides, and He decides for all of us. That's God, of course." She was smiling, laughing, sharing jokes with her hubby & me about the nasty contrast solution, and comparing treatments & surgeries.

And I was struck with awe and great humility just to be in their presence, because I was in the presence of my Lord there in the waiting room of "Diagnostic Imaging-C" as He showed Himself to me through a rather elderly couple. As Tony Evans says, when God shows up, any ol' bush (or waiting room) will do...

Pray for Him to pour out His Spirit in that same way through all of us who claim to be followers of Christ. Pray that for me especially.

Friday's the "here's what's next" appt. I 'spect I'll hear words like "radiation" and "chemo" and the like. Stay tuned. And please keep praying! Thanks so much.

Selah,
Mike

p.s. - James & I had the greatest Tex-Mex meal ever tonight. First, because the food @ Gringo's is awesome. Second, because the company was most excellent. Third, because I didn't get lunch today due to pre-scan predictions. I have to feed this thing regularly, or it'll turn on me...*grin*

Final Exams

2008-06-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

Remember how the start of final exams felt during HS or college? Where you feel like a quarter on a train track with the locomotive's rumble signaling that the stretching pain is rapidly approaching? Yeah...as I was pondering this day & tomorrow's all-important appt., that's sort of how I feel. This could be a day of revealing great stuff, or a day of getting drilled by what's in store. Much like final exams. (reminder/prayer point: conclusive results of "nothing to see here" on all of these tests would be great news!) On the plus side, 27 hours from now will provide a measure of certainty, and basic financial economics theory says that certainty is preferred to uncertainty. (No charge for that--if anyone runs into Drs. Jean & Helms @ U. of AL's business school, tell them I remembered something they taught me. And be amazed that I still remember something I was taught in grad school back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth...)

We had a great trip out yesterday. Well, except for the near constant rain. And the perpetual road construction that leaves about 6 inches clearance on either side of the car before the concrete barriers. (important note to our great friend: we did not make contact with any of said barriers in your truck! Just so you know...) And the vast, vast number of people for whom driving on an interstate was apparently a brand new experience (memo that was missed by many in W LA & E TX yesterday: the left lane on an interstate would be the passing lane. Thus, the intent is for vehicles in that lane to be going faster than vehicles in the right lane. Also, randomly stomping hard on your brakes at 70 mph in the midst of driving rain is generally contra-indicated. You're welcome; glad I could clear that up for you). It seems that yesterday was "give your car keys to a moron & send them out on the interstate" day in LA & TX. *sigh* (Hold it...a friend gave us his car keys & sent us out on the interstate yesterday...nah, couldn't be. It was all those other people, I tell ya!) Other than that, though, a good trip out. James & I covered a lot of ground in terms of solving the world's problems and listening to great music. We're multi-taskers; we did both at the same time. The musical order of the day was TX roadhouse blues--ZZ Top, followed by Stevie Ray Vaughan. After those 2, it was screaming metal time.

Shortly, James & I will head over to Starbucks for eats & coffee, prior to heading up the road to MDA for the tests this afternoon.

Thanks so much for your prayers, my friends! Give yourself a hug on my behalf today. Seriously, we are humbled, blessed, awed, and most grateful for the grace notes y'all have added to the score of our lives.

With love and hope,
Mike

Along the Road

2008-06-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

So, it's road-trip-to-Houston day here, This is trip #4 since the beginning of May. James & I roll out at 11:00 (once again, in a friend's truck that is most graciously loaned to us). Sadly, us small towners have to schedule our trips so as to avoid rush hours. Thus, the plan is to hit Baton Rouge after the lunch hour, and Houston after the evening rush hour (if there actually is "after the rush hour" out there...). Since we don't actually go into Houston proper today, we should be OK traffic-wise. (What was that George Strait song about the famous last words of a fool? *grin*)

I woke up with the song and the poem below on my mind this morning. Thus, they're what you get today. Dan Fogelberg is one of my favorite song writers; when I grow up, I'd like to be able to capture thoughts with words the way he did. For example, his song "To the Morning" has long been a favorite of mine, as has his tribute to his father, "The Leader of the Band." And then there's his "Sutter's Mill" which captures the story of the guy whose discovery of gold sparked the CA gold rush of the mid 1800s. And "Another Auld Lang Syne". And "As the Raven Flies." And...So many excellent stories & poems captured in song. I was greatly saddened to hear of his passing a couple of years ago from prostate cancer. (BTW, if you want to see how songs ought to be written, click the link above and click the "lyrics" tab. Freshen up your coffee first. *smile*)

But I digress. Back on point, I bought the Ashton/Becker/Dente CD years ago just because I heard this song on the radio. I love Dan Fogelberg's singing very much, but these three ladies absolutely knocked this one out of the park.

And just this morning as I was re-pondering the lyrics, I realized that the song captured many of my thoughts about this trip better than I can capture them myself. So, Dan says to you "here's what Mike's thinking today..."

Along the Road
Dan Fogelberg
(recorded by the trio Susan Ashton, Margaret Becker, & Christine Dente)

Joy at the start, fear in the journey
Joy in the coming home
A part of the heart gets lost in the learning
Somewhere along the road.

Along the road, your path may wander
A pilgrim’s faith may fail
Absence makes the heart grow stronger
Darkness obscures the trail.

Cursing the quest, courting disaster
Measureless nights forebode
Moments of rest, Glimpses of laughter
Are treasured along the road.

Along the road, your steps may tumble
Your thoughts may start to stray
But through it all a heart held humble
Levels and lights your way.

Joy at the start, Fear in the journey
Joy in the coming home
A part of the heart gets lost in the learning
Somewhere along the road
(lyrics end)

That's what I have to say about my feelings about this trip. Thanks, Dan.

Here's tomorrow's schedule:
12:30 - blood/specimen collection (disturbing phrase there...)
12:50 - chest xray
1:45 - followup w/ Dr. Mehran (surgeon who did the VATS)
4:00 - chest/abdomen/pelvis CT scan

6-7ish - TEX MEX food @ Gringo's (hey, this is an important component of the deal! *grin*)

Thanks so very much for your continued prayers "along this road." Stay tuned for more concrete medical news this weekend. And consider yourself hugged today!

With Love and Hope,
Mike

Fellowship

2008-06-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

Fellowship is a great word, and one that seems to be fading in its use these days. Oh, I'm not so concerned about a word falling out of favor. However, I am most concerned that we apprentices of Jesus Christ seem to be allowing the concept to fade. Practical applications of fellowship are many. “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal 6:2) pretty much covers my understanding of genuine Christian fellowship.

Also this: "And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul...And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." (Acts 2:42-47)

Such fellowship should characterize churches this side of the coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. True fellowship is made possible as the Holy Spirit fills and draws and unites believers into God-given, God-blessed fellowship. Genuine fellowship is absolutely possible across denominational boundaries. Indeed, there are times when I’ve experienced that sort of fellowship that are particularly sweet to me. Mission trips to Russia & Poland, for example, with folks from multiple denominations all seeking to make Christian inroads into college campus cultures. United by the essentials—the non-negotiables—of the Christian faith, basically focusing on the person & work of Christ.

Or this past Sunday morning at Trinity United Methodist Church in Prattville, AL. A delightful group of people who minister with—and to—my brother and his family. Who think highly of Jim, as they should. And some of whom perhaps think too highly of his brother. *smile* They are well-led by their pastor, Steve, MacInnis. You know how, on occasion, you meet someone and instantly feel like you’ve known them all your life? That’s Steve to me. In fact, it seems that in addition to shared faith & love of our Savior and His church, we also share a love of a well-played rock guitar groove.

We were hugged, encouraged, and loved on mightily Sunday. I had the chance to preach to all three of their worship services, and the Lord showed up. He ministered to me through His Word; apparently, He also ministered to others as well. To my new buddies at Trinity, we had a blast! Thanks for enveloping us into your fellowship and loving us like your own. Thanks also to so many of you who have faithfully prayed for us through this bend in the road. Your prayers are making a huge difference in our lives. In fact, if the Lord spoke to you through my message Sunday morning, consider that the Lord blessing your prayers and ministering to you through them.

(Me? I spoke on that passage right there *points to left side of screen* But despite the quality of preaching, the Lord visited with us; apparently, He still occasionally speaks through donkeys...*smile* Thanks for your prayers for the services!)

Speaking of prayers, at the end of the middle service Sunday, Steve closed out the service by calling my family forward to join me at the altar, and then calling the church to gather around us, lay hands on us, and join him in praying for us--for healing, for comfort, etc. And let me tell you…he prayed down fire on us! (not literally, but pretty dadburn near…) Of so many high points on my spiritual journey recently, surely Steve’s prayer over me ranks right up there. And feeling the press of so many dear saints gathered around us simply added to the holiness and sacredness and, well, awesomeness of the moment. (I use “awesome” here in the truest sense of the word: to be struck with awe…what “awesome” meant before we applied it to pizza.)

The worship at the three services was great. Different vibe in all three, but yet, the same Spirit’s presence in each. Some of my favorite songs of worship: “Victory in Jesus”…“Days of Elijah”…“Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble?”…”Praise Adonai”…“At the Cross” (done in a New Orleans-ish groove that was quite good). I've watched my brother do his music thing for many years now, but I do believe that's the first time I've seen his remarkable music skills used in a praise band setting. Good stuff! (Actually, folks who knew us both 30+ years ago would likely be amazed to see Jim helping lead worship, and me preaching...God's grace truly is amazing! {note: I'm not about to confess our sins here; this post is already long, plus the Lord has promised to "remember them no more"...})

Then, lunch w/ Jim & his fam, plus our Mom & one of her friends (she “happened to be in the area” when her baby boy was preaching…*smile*), plus several of Jim’s friends & fams. Then, of course, the obligatory monster power nap followed by yanking the younger generation around on the tube behind Jim’s boat on Lake Jordan. (Sadly, I'm not part of "the younger generation" any more; when did that happen??)

All in all, a great, relaxing, blessed weekend of connecting & of recharging the batteries. There was even a AA baseball game Friday night to watch the Montgomery Biscuits (great name there!) play the Mississippi Braves.

Thanks for your prayers for last Sunday! I’ll leave you with some lyrics from the day.

Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble?
Written by Martin Smith ©1995 Curious? Music UK

Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one

Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one

And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
And young and old will turn to Jesus
Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord

Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring your hope
Songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice

Did you feel the darkness tremble?
When all the saints join in one song
And all the streams flow as one river
To wash away our brokeness

And here we see that God you're moving
A time of Jubilee is coming
When young and old return to Jesus
Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord
(lyrics end)

James & I head out tomorrow for Houston. Tests Thursday, the major appt. w/ Dr. Homsi Friday. With some Tex-Mex & angus burgers thrown in for good measure...*grin*

Thanks for continuing to hold us up before the throne during this bend in the road!
With much love and great hope,
Mike

One More Week...

2008-06-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

Thurs., 6/26 - one more batch of scans & tests @ MDA

Fri., 6/27 - the all-important "here's what we're going to do" appt. w/ Dr. Homsi

James will be heading out there with me this time, btw.

Here are some prayer points, if you're wondering how to pray...

--patience
I need more of this, & I need it now. *rimshot* Seriously, waiting on these scans, results, & appts. is not so much fun for any of us. It's like there's this huge cloud over us that is going to unload at some point, though it's not clear just how bad the deluge will be.

--safe travel next week
It's about 7 1/2 hours there, through some desolate country followed by some very serious traffic. Then, getting around the Houston metro area is rather special for a small town dude like me. We plan to head out Wednesday sometime, and will head back either Friday afternoon/evening or Saturday morning.

--accurate and good test & scan results
We want to know accurately whether this beast has spread or not. ("Not" is most definitely the preferred answer...) The answer to this question directly impacts what my future treatment will be. Not having spread would be great.

--wisdom for Dr. Homsi as to how to proceed from here (wherever "here" is)
He's very good, but "very good" + "God-given wisdom" is a nice combo.

--peace & rest for Lisa & me
We're tired. Just plain ol' worn-out tired. (whining alert) It wears on one being under the gun for 5 1/2 months & counting...

--lack of fear regarding what lies ahead
I'd love to be all noble & spiritual; however, I am afraid of chemo, quite honestly. I have lost some productivity and a small amount of sleep pondering the possibility. Sinful, to be sure; I'm guilty. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!

--Of course, miraculous healing would work too! *smile*

One more thing to pray about:
We're heading over to my brother's place in the suburbs of Slapout, AL (north of Montgomery) for a long-overdue weekend of hanging out & catching up. Sunday morning, I'm preaching all 3 services at their church. Apparently, it's pretty hard to find preaching help these days...because I'm not sure they've actually found any for this weekend...(supply your own punchline here)

Please pray for the Lord to speak through this jar of clay Sunday morning. (guess what my text is...)

Thanks for putting the grace notes into our lives in recent days! Your prayers, notes, calls, emails, food, and friendship are a huge blessing to us during this bend in the road. I'm ready to be on the other side of this bend in order to be a grace note giver rather than always having to be the recipient.

With love and hope,
Mike

p.s. - Please keep my buddy Jason Weathers & his family in your prayers. He's having a rough go of it this week after contracting pneumonia after his latest round of chemo. Go here to get all of the details. As you pray for Jason, please remember his wife Stephanie & their 3 children. Talk about tired...they are worn out. And their bend has not straightened out yet...As much as I've whined here about our situation, ours is nowhere near where they are & have been. Thanks (in advance) for praying for them too. You can easily post encouraging words to Jason & Stephanie on their site, btw.

On Affliction

2008-06-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, God's word & teaching comes and rests easily on us. For example, "you are loved with an everlasting love..." Incredible teaching...and easy to take to heart.

Other times, the Word comes with difficulty, and is not at all easy to take to heart.

For example, consider this, from the amazing Psalm 119:

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word...It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.
(Psalm 119:67, 71)

This is one of the biblical passages & concepts that's not difficult to teach in Sunday School. But it is most difficult to teach to those questioning eyes looking back in the mirror every morning. (Aside: it seems that one of the things the Lord is doing for/to/in me these days is helping me examine my own teaching to make sure I don't teach too easily nor with excess difficulty. And to make sure I genuinely believe what I teach and try hard to practice it.)

Here's John Piper on 5 ways affliction is good for us:
(quote begins)

1. Affliction takes the glibness of life away and makes us more serious so that our mindset is more in tune with the seriousness of God’s word.

2. Affliction knocks worldly props from under us and forces us to rely more on God which brings us more in tune with the aim of the word.

3. Affliction makes us search the scriptures with greater desperation for help rather than treating it as marginal to life.

4. Affliction brings us into the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings so that we fellowship more closely with him and see the world more readily through his eyes.

5. Affliction mortifies deceitful and distracting fleshly desires, and so brings us into a more spiritual frame which fits God’s word more.

I pray that we will not begrudge the pedagogy of God.
(quote ends; entire blurb found here in an article called God's Painful Exegetical Help)

Join me in praying for these lessons--and others--to be completely learned by me while in this desert. Selfishly, I'd like to learn these lessons quickly, so we can get on with life after & without this disease. *sigh* But I really do pray that I would not "begrudge the pedagogy of God."

Personal Update:
--I'm driving now!! (*faint applause, as at a golf tournament*)
I felt like a 16-year-old with a brand-new license yesterday; perhaps we take simple pleasures too much for granted until they are taken away...
--Feeling pretty good, though still quite tired
I think the tiredness is a general malaise due to 6 months of tests, wondering, emotional roller coasters, and a bit of fear tossed in.
--On the verge of being caught up at work
In fact, by the end of today, I should be pretty close to there!
--Going fishing today, weather permitting
(or perhaps despite the weather!) Way, way overdue...
--Spent a great day yesterday hanging out with a buddy from high school who lives in CO.
He flew down to see his Dad in Ft. Walton Beach, and drove over here to see me. We hung out much back in HS days...jazz & marching band, class, juvenile delinquency, the works. It is a great honor and blessing that he took the time & $$ to rent a car & drive over to H'burg for a few hours hanging with me.

OK, work break's over.

With Love & Hope in the midst of God's school,
Mike

On Platelet Donation...

2008-06-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

A friend suggested I post some more details about platelet donation (thanks E!), so here's what I found out

How Long Does it Take to Donate Platelets?
2 hours or less, including the survey questions you're asked.

The donation itself takes about an hour & 20 minutes. (Bring a book! I recommend The Last Coach which is, of course, a classic piece of literature about legendary Bama football coach Paul W. "Bear" Bryant...*grin*)

Can you catch a dreadful disease donating blood or platelets?
Nope. Sharps are used once & tossed.

Does it hurt?
Depends upon your feelings about getting stuck in the arm and about helping others in a HUGE way.

My thoughts: (a) it doesn't hurt too bad, and (b) would you undergo a small amount of pain in order to help save someone's life?

Who can give platelets?
Donors must be at least 17 years of age, weigh at least 110 pounds and be in good health.

(I used to be 17...let's see...it was 10, no...25, no...*ponders*...*sighs*...it was back in the Gerald Ford Administration, I believe...And believe it or not, I also used to weigh 110 pounds...Dadburn, I'm now depressed! Oh well, I do, in fact, still weigh "at least 110 pounds"...*grin*)

Along with meeting the criteria for whole blood donors, they have one added restriction which is NO ASPIRIN or anything containing aspirin or Piroxicam (Feldene) can be taken 72 hours before donation.

Go here for more basic info. And here is a helpful guide to the questions you'll be asked.

--(For H'burg folks) Where in the round world is United Blood Services??
United Blood Services is located on S. 28th

Drive on 28th between Forrest Gen'l Hospital and the H'burg Clinic facility (under the walkway between the two), and keep going. UBS will be on your right. Park around back, though the door is around front facing S. 28th.

Call 601-264-0743 (UBS) for more info.

--(for folks not in H'burg)
I strongly encourage you to prayerfully consider donating platelets at your nearest blood donation center. If it's a UBS facility, you can still donate on behalf of Jason Weathers, should you be so inclined. (For a list of UBS facilities around the country, click here) But that aside, please donate, whether you do so for Jason or not. I almost guarantee that your local medical community could use some platelet donors too.

Thanks so much, my friends!

With Love & Hope,
Mike - 2 Cor. 4:7-8, 16-18

Back in the Saddle Again...

2008-06-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

Went back to work Monday. (Which my colleagues appreciate, as this means they can go back to just doing their own jobs & teaching their own students now. Last week, they did their jobs and mine too, and taught my students plus their own. With zero complaints, by the way. Thanks to all of the WCU School of Business faculty who have carried my load pretty much all year...Here's hoping I'm soon able to be a giver-back & not just a taker-from...)

It was Anne's turn to "drive Mr. Mike" yesterday. She got me to the office around 10:00 a.m., where I stayed until after class around 10:00 p.m. It was great to be back being a (more or less) contributing member of the School of Business faculty!! I'd love to say that the 12-hour day caught me up; but I don't want to tell a bald-faced lie like that. At least, not this early in the morning...*smile* Let's just say that I'm somewhat less far behind this morning than I was yesterday morning...

My online graduate class met last night, live & in living color. Which was very therapeutic for me, watching them in groups grapple with a couple of business ethical issues through 5 different ethical frameworks. Getting all philosophical & all...

Shoot, I even enjoyed lunch @ the school cafeteria in the midst of what felt like several thousand little guys there for baseball camp and another few hundred high schoolers there for music camp. (aside: give me 42 graduate students battling to understand the moral philosophy of deontology any day over a dozen little guys under the influence of baseball, sun, dirt, sugar, cokes, burgers/fries, & ice cream...)

Woke up this morning with a surprising amount of discomfort on my left side. My theory is that it's getting re-adjusted to sitting in my chair @ work all day. Or, it could be just a plain & simple "I'm gettin' old" day...In other words, I'm not sure this morning's pain has one thing in the world to do with melanoma, other than being in the same physical body with it.

Is it June 26th yet??? *smile*

Thanks for the prayers & notes & calls & such. Never underestimate the amazing power of an encouraging word to one who's under the gun as we are! And know that we greatly love & appreciate you! (I'd hug you, but I'm kind of sore...go ahead & declare yourself hugged...)

With much love and great hope,
Mike

p.s. - Important word directly from my oncologist, on my friend Jason's site:

WE NEED PLATELETS!!!!!!! WE HAD TO WAIT A WHILE TO GET JASON'S PLATELETS TODAY, AND I HAVE AT LEAST 4 OTHER LEUKEMICS WHO NEED PLATELETS. PLEASE ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES AND DONATE PLATELETS FOR JASON AS WELL AS THE OTHERS OF GOD'S CHILDREN WHO NEED THEM.
NAGEN BELLARE

So, if you're able, go change someone's life with your platelets today or tomorrow. Don't live in H'burg? My guess is, the same need exists wherever you are, so consider this a general "you oughta" that is not bound by geography. In Jason's case, the platelets are *crucial* to his recovery after his rounds of chemo.

Next Steps (sort of)

2008-06-06T11:40:00.001-07:00

Just got another call. (This one was one I actually wanted! *smile*)

June 26 - "Re-staging" tests & scans @ M.D. Anderson
chest/abdomen/pelvic CT scan; chest xrays; bloodwork

June 27 - appt. w/ Dr. Homsi
(medical melanoma Dr.; click on his name in the line above for more info)

I've had all of those tests & scans this Spring; last month, even! The hope (huge prayer point!) is that all of them continue to show that my cancer has not spread beyond my lungs.

Assuming that's the case, then the Friday appt. w/ Dr. Homsi will lay out what future treatment looks like. There's a real good chance this can be done here! That would be groovy, but hear me say, we're willing to go wherever & whenever to do whatever helps take care of this situation.

So, I 'spose the immediate prayer points are these:
--accurate test/scan results showing that cancer has not spread beyond lungs
--wisdom for Dr. Homsi & his team (note: they're very, very good; still, "very, very good" + the Lord's guidance = outstanding combo...)
--peace these next 3 weeks for us
--productivity @ work for me; I'm very far behind. Thankfully, I have a forgiving & patient boss, but I don't want to keep making her have to forgive me & be patient with me...Plus, my colleagues are likely tired of having to do my work in addition to their own. (Thanks, guys!!)

Thank you so very much for continuing to pray us around this bend. I hope I never tire of thanking you. BTW, to those of you here, I'm actually right close to being able to actually hug; so come near at your own risk...

With much love and great hope in a BIG God,
Mike

p.s. - Don't forget: "The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again! The lame will leap! The dumb will speak the praises of the Lamb!" Do you know that Lamb? Hope so, for as the song continues, He "is the great I Am..."

A Couple of Things

2008-06-05T06:23:00.000-07:00

I threw a doozy of a pity party last night. Tears, mostly, with some "but God, why?" thoughts mixed in for good measure. (Thankfully, He has promised not to hold my humanity against me...hope you don't either!) Two things happened to yank me out of it & get me back toward course.

1) my brother called
He's become my best friend, other than Lisa, and his phone call & emotions shared were a tonic for my soul.

2) Right after that, while aimlessly channel surfing, I landed on a channel I never watch. Got there just in time to catch the tail end of a Mark Lawry comedy monologue that led into him singing his incredible song, "Mary Did You Know?" As he always does, he knocked it out of the park. Chill bumps ran up & down my spine, as they always do in that song. But then, Mark himself teared up while singing the bridge; thus, I did too. "The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again; the lame will leap, the dumb will speak the praises of the lamb..." At that point, it was as if the chills had gone beyond merely my spine and were running up & down the depths of my soul. (aside: aren't you glad Mark was paying attention to what the Spirit was saying to write that day??)

Hearing my Lord celebrated in such an awesome way (one of the best songs the Holy Spirit has inspired this side of the Psalms, imo) just after chatting with my beloved brother blessed my soul and restored it a good bit in ways I cannot capture with mere words.

There's a wonderful scene in Lewis' Prince Caspian in which Lucy is surprised to see that Aslan seems so much bigger after all these years. Aslan replies, “I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

May we all "find Him bigger" today than yesterday. Especially me.

Thank you for your prayers on our behalf. We are greatly humbled and highly honored that so many are standing in the gap for us in this bend in the road.

With much love and great hope, because He is bigger,
Mike - just a jar of clay

p.s. - Got 4 minutes & 12 seconds? Want to have your socks blessed off? Check this out. It's not the version I saw last night, but it's the same intensity of emotions. (Note David Phelps wiping his eyes in the background just before starting to sing) Plus, having Guy Penrod & David Phelps backing you up is not bad at all...*smile* There are many versions of this song out there, all good. But I prefer Mark himself, since he's the one who was present as the Holy Spirit was giving him these lyrics. Can you imagine what he & Buddy experienced the first time they sang their piece in public?

Lab Results NOW KNOWN

2008-06-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

JUST HEARD FROM MDA: the 3 spots were, in face, metastatic melanoma.

Thus, I've been referred back to Dr. Homsi, my initial Dr. out there. Should hear from him in the next day or so.

Here's my fairly unvarnished thinking @ the moment:
--not a good diagnosis, but...
--those three spots are not only diagnosed; they are also now treated. (because they're gone)
--there are 2 spots remaining that we know of
--the cancer remains confined to a single organ (lungs)
--I haven't a clue what the future medical treatment will be, but I predict/expect a combo of radiation + chemo or hormones
--on balance, I'm still optimistic here. My Lord still rules & reigns, and nothing comes to us that is not filtered through His hands. Not even metastatic melanoma.

Your prayers are now more welcome--and needed--than ever!!

Thanks so much for holding us up in prayer during this extended bend in the road.

(my original post earlier today follows)
Today's been a low-energy day. Half a degree of fever this morning; fever gone now. Haven't felt like doing much of anything, and thus haven't actually done much of anything.

Apparently, this recovery will be more of a process than I wanted it to be. Rats!

Still & all, I'm good. Just impatient about how I feel. Thanks so much for continuing to pray us through this!

With love & hope,
Mike - 2 Cor. 4:7,8; 16-18

Pretty good day today

2008-06-03T19:59:00.000-07:00

Actually felt much better than yesterday. Apparently my systems are switching back to the "on" position after being shut down Friday morning. Regrettably, it seems the pain one is also switching back on. But still, pain is not a huge issue with this, which is nice. Lisa actually took me up to church this morning so I could walk on the track. I made a half mile without pressing very hard; I'll take this for day 4 after having parts of my lung removed! *smile* It was good to run into some friends who've been oh-so-faithful prayer warriors through this journey as well. I basically laid around the house/slept after that. (I said I felt better...not good yet...)

The bad news of the day was that not only did pain receptors & transmitters turn back on, but also, today was "bandage removal day." You know that tape that's used to hold bandages in place? The special kind of tape that sticks really well? That tape that very painfully peels layers of skin off when it's removed? Yeah...that was today. Thus, now I'm short some skin cells, plus my left arm seems to stick to my side where the tape (& skin) used to be...

However, the good news of the day is that I took my first shower since Friday a.m. It was glorious! (note to concerned parties: I have bathed myself since Friday...this was just the first actual shower...)

Got a couple of appts. tomorrow, plus some very serious catching up work-related stuff to make happen. I'll keep my drivers busy tomorrow...(remember, "Driving Mr. Mike...and his teddy bear")

Also, please don't forget that tomorrow (Wednesday) is the momentous phone call to MDA to discover what pathology results from Friday are. Presumably, that will also set future treatment course as well.

Ran across this today from Philip Yancey, a writer I really like:
For the Christian pain represents, at various times and from various angles, a design feature worthy of praise and gratitude, an affliction to be overcome, a potential vale of soul-making, and a spur to hope in a painless future.

Thanks for holding us before the throne these days, amigos! Please do so for a bit longer. I'm fairly tired, but sleep tonight might be a good prayer point...

With much love & great hope,
Mike - 2 Cor. 4:7,8; 16-18

p.s. - 24 years ago yesterday, this lovely Bama coed put a ring on my finger as we made some promises in a small country church in S. AL. What an amazing, marvelous, wonderful, scary ride it's been since then! 5 places of residence in 3 cities in 3 states, plus Ph.D. studies, plus job changes, a call to ministry, international mission trips, two children,...I totally cannot imagine life without her; the joys would much reduced, and the sorrows (like cancer surgery!) greatly magnified. Here's hoping for some more of the "for better" and "in health" parts of her marriage vows in the near future. While never presuming on God's providential ordering of the universe, I'm of the belief that she's has had quite plenty of the "for worse" and "in sickness" parts for the time being. I love you, Lisa! Happy Anniversary! (maybe I'll be more awake & more pleasant for our 25th next year...)

Home Sweet Home!!

2008-06-02T17:24:00.000-07:00

As of a few min ago, Lisa & I are home!! Never was it more sweet than just now. Lisa agrees. (tho in her case, it's magnified, because she had to drive all the way...)

Wound- & lung-wise, I feel fine. However, the system is taking longer to adjust to life after anesthesia than I had hoped. Thus, we were much slower out of the gate this morning than expected, because I felt rather...not good. Lisa & I have concluded that this is to be expected. After all, the anesthesia guy explained that they were going to shut down my left lung's function entirely, while keeping the rt. one pumping. (Is medical technology awesome, or what??) Plus, gen'l anesthesia shuts down most everything else. I'm just ready for it all to turn back on now...

Plus, I had to stop every couple of hours (Dr. orders), and walk. Fast-food patrons all over E. TX & S. LA are probably still talking about the funny man in the white leggings that was walking laps around the McDonald's/Burger King earlier today...

And now, we wait...again...for hugely significant medical results...*sigh* The plan is to call Wednesday & get the combo of the path report plus the prelim from the medical Dr. based on the pathology from Friday's resections... Your continued prayers these next few days are most appreciated!

This week's memory verse has long been a fave of mine due to its huge theological significance. But this week, if possible, it means even more to me. "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth" John 1:14. Ponder with me what it means that Jesus Christ chose to condescend to come to earth and become flesh & hang around with such knuckleheads as us. But not only that, to offer redemption to us even with total awareness of all of our, well, humanity. May we never get over that...

Thank you so much for sharing this bend in the road with us! Your prayers are making a huge difference to all 4 of us. It's my prayer that we never get over that either...

With love & hope,
Mike - 2 Cor 4:7-8, 16-18

Mike - unplugged...

2008-06-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

...ok, it's not nearly as cool as the "MTV - Unplugged" concert shows of a few years back, but I'm pretty dadburn stoked about it.

I'm writing to you from our friend's place in Friendswood, TX, 25-ish miles from MDA. The cool thing about this particular stay tonight is that I am out of MDA & unplugged from everything!! It was actually a nontrivial process to disconnect me from all the stuff I was connected to in the room. But they got it done.

Not counting shots, I came up with 12 different sticks in me since Wed. afternoon's arrival @ MDA. I'm not particularly worried about getting stuck w/ IVs & such, but 12?? Oh well, I'm glad to be here. They also shaved my left wrist somewhat (this happened during surgery Friday morning, apparently). Between that, and the new temp tattoo, and the teddie bear, and the really cool white anti-clot support hose, I'm quite the fashion plate now. Who knew that MDA also specialized in fashion makeovers in addition to cancer research? *grin*

We're planning to roll toward H'burg tomorrow 1st thing in the a.m., with Lisa taking the first shift of Driving Mr. Mike...and his bear. In the finest southern tradition, the bear's name is officially "Anderson Bear" ("Andy" for short). I considered and rejected the following: Bobby Bear (for you old-school country fans), Paul Bear (let's say that one didn't pass chain of command muster, despite our shared ties to a famous coach with that name from our days @ the Capstone...), and Cance-Bear. Andy it is. I doubt you'll see him much in church, as a 49-year-old guy carrying & cuddling a teddy bear looks just a tad odd...and not a little bit disturbing.

I have a followup w/ the surgeon in 4 weeks that I know about. I 'spect (& hope!) we'll have a chat coming w/ the medical guy sooner to discuss the lab results & what they mean for continued treatment. Basically, we have no idea what lies ahead medically speaking. Your continued prayers are most welcome!

Thanks so very much for your prayers in recent days. We're fine, all things considered. And I'm actually feeling amazingly good, to have had lung surgery about 60 hours ago. Lisa & I went shopping this afternoon briefly, & then just hung around here doing not much.

I have some restrictions, but very few. No driving at all for 2 weeks, then limited driving for the next few. No heavy lifting (naturally, I had just gotten my shoulder press & front raise & bench back up to semi-respectable-for-an-old-guy level...*sigh*) No feeding of pets or taking out of garbage or washing of dishes before 2017. (ok...kidding about that last sentence; love you Lisa!)

Again, we are awed by being the recipients of God's grace to us through you. Thanks for praying and for making yourselves available as channels of blessing.

With much love and great hope,
Mike

On Bears and Barfights

2008-05-31T12:51:00.000-07:00

(actually in light of this morning's events, it should be "bears & Barf-ights" but let's not elaborate too much on that part, other than to remined everyone that general anesthesia frequently has unfortunate side effects the next day...*clears throat sheepishly*)

Where to begin?
--ran into a significant traffic jam yesterday...at 6:30 a.m.! Give me Hardy St. in Hattiesburg @ 5:15 p.m. any day...
--the CRNA plugged in the IV around 7:30. --surgery lasted about 1 hour, 45 min. (Lisa was hearing from the Dr. ar0und 10:30)
--Dr. said surgery did pretty much what he set out to do with no probs (& no need to enlarge any of the openings thanks for your prayers to that end!) And now for the wait for hugely significant lab results next week on what these spots are.
--My first actual recollection is the recovery room around 10:30 a.m. about 30 minutes after I got there (hold that time...we'll revisit it shortly...)
--I became quite familiar with the personalities & duties of the various folks in recovery. This is because I was released to the floor at...*drum roll*...11:00 p.m.!! I saw many folks come into recovery & then roll out during my day there. My nurse actually arrived after I, and she ended her 12-hour shift by escorting me to our actual room. The reasons were legit, tho a comical series of amazing coincidences, all centering on the fact that I required a room beyond just a normal room.
--After getting tucked in & plugged in to a vast array of medical technology around 12:30 this morning, I slept like a log all the way until...being awakened at 2:30 this morning, which point new drugs were administered. Shortly, I discovered that there is tremendous pain involved in this phrase: "it'll be like you were in a bar fight & got stabbed in the side 3 times." Once this was realized, I discovered that 5 hits off of the once-every-10-minutes magic pain pump allowed me to be back to sleep, whereupon I slept all the way until...5:30 this morning, at which time yet more medical stuff had to happen & then I watched 6 different 10-minute increments roll by. Sometimes there just aren't enough pumps and the clock moves too slowly.
--The eats here are actually pretty good; we order whatever we want off of a menu, & they bring it to our room. (Of course, breakfast was only briefly rented in my case...*sigh*--see opening comments above)
--The really bad pain abated somewhat by late morning, and pain pump usage did as well. I'm still not feeling great by any means, but it's much better than earlier today. (I now do a couple of pills instead) I've actually been disconnected from a few pieces of the medical technology. Believe me when I say that my condition is still quite, um, monitored...
--The tentative plan is for us to be checked out of the horse-pital tomorrow morning (Sunday). w0000000t! Then, we'll head back over to our friends' place in Friendswoood, grab a better night of sleep, & then head back to H'burg Monday. Sadly for Lisa, surgeon officially said that I can't drive for 2 weeks. Thus, she'll be driving all the way home. Plus, depending on the timing of my pain meds, she'll have a rather iffy navigator...Once we get back, James & Anne will help with "Driving Mr. Mike...and his bear"
--I'll be functional, but slow-moving for the next few weeks. (Actually, I wonder if any one will notice a difference, but I digress...*grin*)

And that, ladies & gents, is the latest install of "Mike's Medical (mis)Adventure." Thank you so very much for lifting us up in prayer!! Thanks doesn't come close, but it's the best I have at the moment. We invite your continued prayers with us thru the rest of this bend in the road.

As noted earlier in this space, our God is not scared, nor was He surprised, nor is He wondering how it's all going to turn out. Thank you for your vital part in bringing about His plans for our lives! Know that we are greatly honored and most humbled to be the recipients of the prayers of so many during these days. I'm firmly convinced that only in eternity will we be able to know how God answered your prayers through this situation. Until then, consider yourself loved and hugged by the four of us. (Though for those I see in person any time soon, please only consider yourself hugged; regrettably, I'll have to pass on actual hugging for a while...see
"barfight"...*smile*)

Humbled by His grace through you,
Mike - Ephesians 1:15-23

p.s. - I was given this short, wide-bodied teddy bear yesterday as part of my official medical equipment--no, really! I'm to use him to support my chest area any time I cough or do breathing drills. Still trying to come up with the perfect name...*smile*

OK, Ladies & Gents...it's showtime!!

2008-05-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

Review of Thursday
--longer than we thought, due to 2 different waits, plus unexpected bloodwork (2 different sticks! Yippee!)
Got out of MDA at...*drum roll*...5:05 p.m., which is an ideal time to be driving, so long as you're not doing so in/near Houston. But, we improvised after the "shortcut" we were told about led us to a dead end. And due to Lisa's superior map-improv skills, plus the grace of God, we made it directly to the excellent Tex-Mex restaurant down in Friendswood (about 22 miles) without much delay, and with less traffic than we face in Hattiesburg.
--met w/ surgeon, & was very impressed
He explained the procedure (see below) and said he'd likely keep me in the hospital until Sunday. Reiterated that I'd be a bit sore, but that I'd be fully "functional" by next week. Unfortunately, he said that I'd be able to drive so long as I've not taken my magic pain pill. I was planning on being an irritating right-seat driver for 7.5 hours.
--met w/ an anesthesiologist
He asked questions, ordered one more piece of bloodwork--the non-trivial "type & cross" for those of you who watch ER. Apparently, it's a fairly significant piece of the puzzle to have blood on hand that actually matches my own before I undergo surgery...*smile*
--ate a vast quantity of most excellent Tex-Mex tonight
(of course, not having had any lunch increased both the quantity and the excellence of tonight's meal)
--alas, no Indy Jones viewing, due to unexpected length of the day

Tomorrow's Procedure:
3 small incisions more or less under the left arm. (very similar to laproscopic surgery on gall stones, actually, for those who know about such things) Video & knife passed into left lung, using an instrument that actually cauterizes as it goes along (thus, nurse said I'd probably only lose a cup of blood; I've lost more than that in an afternoon on oyster shells back home as a kid...) The plan is to make my left lung disease free by removing 3 lesions--technically, removing wedges around & including the 3 lesions. He said he'd fairly instantly know what in the round world we're dealing with in terms of lung cancer, melanoma, or whatever (big prayer point there! That determines the next phase of Mike's medical adventure) There's a chance that he'll have to widen an incision to get his hand in there if he can't find the lesions w/ the video thingy. (prayer point there, for this not to be necessary) He'll leave a chest tube in to keep my lung from collapsing, which sounds like a fabulous plan to me.

This will not be my most restful weekend; every 30 min. while awake, and every 2 hours in the night time, I'll have to do breathing & coughing exercises. I'm really not eagerly anticipating being awakened every 2 hours Friday & Saturday night while recoving from surgery and forced to do deep breathing & mandatory coughing...

There's a small chance he'll have to leave the chest tube in when we head home, which means coming back & having it taken out next week. It'd be groovy with us for that not to happen. (prayer point there) We like Tex-Mex & all, but we'd like it more were it in Hattiesburg, MS & not 7.5 hours away...

No coffee for me in the a.m., which is a total bummer, and means that nobody better cut me off in traffic on the way up to MDA...I'll be packing a big truck with a V8 engine & a bad uncaffeinated 'tude...and I'm not afraid to use 'em! *grin*

Lisa will be staying with me in the room; all rooms are private, and there is a foldout couch of some sort. Regrettably for her, she will not have one of those cool pain-drug pumps like I'll have. (Of course, she won't be having the actual pain either...)

Assuming we do in fact get out Sunday (prayer point there), we'll likely come back down here to Friendswood (SE of downtown Houston) to spend the night and then come home Monday. If we were to get out early enough Sunday, we'd come back down here & pick up the non-MDA stuff of ours & then head on home Sunday.

So there it is, folks. We roll out of here about 6:20 a.m. tomorrow, heading up to MDA for a happening weekend...one that will be one of the more significant weekends of my entire 49 year life span.

Thanks so very much for holding us up in prayer. Were fine, all things considered, and are anxious to get on with this huge part of the process. Lisa, James, Anne, & I are so very honored and blessed by you. Thanks for being instruments of God's grace into our lives during these days. Consider yourself hugged. (especially since it may be a while before I'm doing any actual hugging...)

With much love and great hope,
Mike - 2 Cor. 4:7-8, 16-18

p.s. - got inked up out here today; a really cool (temporary) tattoo on the right side of my chest that says RYM. "Y" means "yes, cut on this side," and "RM" is my Dr.'s initials. I'm thinking of making it permament (note to Mom: not really...) *smile*

Light Day Today

2008-05-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

Meet w/ Surgeon at 11:00, & w/ anesthesiologist @ 12:45.

That's it. Easy, but hugely significant day. Your prayers are welcome and greatly appreciated, even on a not-so-intense day as today.

Sometimes--like now--the clock moves slooooooooooowly. Tom Petty said it best: "the waiting is the hardest part..." *smile*

I do have this sense though, that while not much is happening visibly, much is happening behind the scenes. Thanks so much for your continued intercession for us! We're still doing well, mostly. Relatively decent night's sleep for both of us; Lisa woke up paying bills a time or two, & I woke up with bizarre thoughts of teaching & coaching football. (I teach now, & have coached FB before as an asst. coach...) No idea what the dreams mean, as I can't even spell psychology...

With love and hope,
Mike - 2 Cor 4:7-8, 16-18

p.s. - in our continuing quest to bring you all the latest academic research, Lisa & I will be checking out this breakfast place nearby shortly that features kolaches & breakfast pastries. As a scholar-wannabe, it's important to examine such things. (plus, I like to eat good breakfast food...) Not sure how I can list that research on my resume, but I'm sure there's a way...*grin*

pray for Mike

Blog Reminder

MEDICAL UPDATE/PRAYER REQUEST 2/3/09

Next Houston Trip is at hand...

Just a reminder...

I'm still here!

So, here's what I'm thinking...

The Wonder of Theology

For PawPaw

So, yesterday was an easy day of sermons...

Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith...

Lessons of the Scars

I Remember...

Pictures at an Exhibition

Some pix of interest

Be Afraid...be kind of afraid...

The Checklist:

Gustav, Schmustav...

"Mission Accomplished"

Ok, that's it...

High Anxiety

Inked Up & Ready

As Aerosmith sang years ago...

IT'S ON!!

"'Relax...relax...relax...we need some information...first...

UPDATE/GOOD NEWS/PRAYER REQUEST...

Lipstick on a Pig

Schedule of today's festivities...

Fair? You want fair??

Raising the Bar

Living in the Present Tense

"Let us not forsake the assembling together..."

Brief Update

You Know You've Just Finished a Week of High-Dose Immunotherapy If...

Immunotherapy = Hitting Yourself on the Head with a Hammer

Home at Last

Closer to Home...

Clouds

The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER, 2008...*sigh*

7 is the number, and the number shall be 7...;

6 down...7 enroute!

QUICK UPDATE

20 years ago today...

The Schedule FYI

Once more into the breach...

On Therapy

Joe Cocker sang it best...

To the King

With apologies to the original...

Jason Weathers' faith has become sight

Some interesting things I've learned about IL-2

6 is the number, and the number shall be 6

24/7 God

Day 2 in IL-2 World

2:30 & counting

Live from MDA's ICU...

Quick Update

Into the Valley

Time!

Things under-appreciated

Quick Update

Heart of my heart...

In Today's News...

The matter at hand...

"Let's go to (Inter)leukinbach, Texas..."

Wayfaring

Some Fun Things I learned @ MDA today...

Final Exams

Along the Road

Fellowship

One More Week...

On Affliction

On Platelet Donation...

Back in the Saddle Again...

Next Steps (sort of)

A Couple of Things

Lab Results *NOW KNOWN*

Pretty good day today

Home Sweet Home!!

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER, 2008...sigh

Lab Results NOW KNOWN